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Can't orgasm with a partner-- female

M

_mistresspoppy_

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Joined
Dec 23, 2010
Messages
169
I have difficulty orgasming with a partner, and only 2 of the 13 people I have been with have been able to make me come. This frustrates one of my current partners and I feel like I'm letting him down every time we have sex... though its not so much of a let down as an expectation that I just won't get off by now. Are there any ways to increase my chances of orgasming with him? We already use "toys", but even with a vibrator i cannot get over the edge when I'm with someone else. Would it help to avoid masturbation completely, or is the idea that increasing "sexual tension" to increase desire a myth? I dont orgasm frequently as it is, maybe once a week, usually less, and only when alone with a vibrator. I've just been feeling kinda bleh lately, after some psychological drama and a recent anxiety attack that kept me in bed for a day. however, the orgasm problem has existed since before I even started having sex, so its nothing new.
 
tell him to lick your clit softly whilst curving his middle finger upwards in your snatch. Usually works. There a bit of technique to it.
 
_mistresspoppy_ said:
I have difficulty orgasming with a partner, and only 2 of the 13 people I have been with have been able to make me come. This frustrates one of my current partners and I feel like I'm letting him down every time we have sex... though its not so much of a let down as an expectation that I just won't get off by now. Are there any ways to increase my chances of orgasming with him? We already use "toys", but even with a vibrator i cannot get over the edge when I'm with someone else. Would it help to avoid masturbation completely, or is the idea that increasing "sexual tension" to increase desire a myth? I dont orgasm frequently as it is, maybe once a week, usually less, and only when alone with a vibrator. I've just been feeling kinda bleh lately, after some psychological drama and a recent anxiety attack that kept me in bed for a day. however, the orgasm problem has existed since before I even started having sex, so its nothing new.
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I'd suggest more often rather than less. Maybe get used to climaxing via masturbation while he is in bed with you, as a first step.
 
morpher001 said:
Maybe get used to climaxing via masturbation while he is in bed with you, as a first step.
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This.
I've never had any trouble getting myself off but it took me about 2 years of almost daily sex before I managed to orgasm during. And in the end I managed simply by noticing the things I preferred during sex and asking him to do them more often/by getting the both of us to improve on them. If you just stay patient and work at it it'll come eventually.
The important thing is really not to stress and worry about it too much though...if you're constantly obsessing over that then you definitely won't be able to climax. Tbh he shouldn't really be putting that pressure on you.
 
from what I understand this is really common for women. If you don't love or totally trust your person you are fucking, it contributes towards your state of being (true for both sexes)when it comes to having orgasms, You need to totally relax. Evidently you can't. thEY PROBABLY also need to try harder though. TBH I would try getting to know every inch of yourself, and what gets you off, by yourself - long slow tantric self indulging exploratory wanks. Seems you must've forgotten what it was to be a child aroused, or maybe you just didn't go through that phase because of overbearing parents/schooling (from what I remember of our past conversations, your use of language like "down there" I would hazard an educated guess at the latter). Find yourself again, then you can tell him when he;s off the mark, and tell him to go study! WOrk on relaxation techniques too. After your horrible Italian mama's boy, it makes sense you have anxiety around lovers.
 
^It is really common for women but it doesn't necessarily mean you don't trust or love the other person. I mean as I said, it took me about 2 years and that was with a guy I was madly in love with, who was super attentionate in bed and with whom I didn't even worry about the fact that I wasn't having any because tbh I didn't care. It just didn't happen for a while. Just to say you don't necessarily have to start stressing out about those kinds of factors on top of everything else poppy :)
 
No I know...the reason why I mentioned the other factors. There are plenty of things to ask yourself why you may not be cumming. Most of these things, bar their technique, and your natural speed of arousal/orgasm, will be in your head.

THe trust issue thing is just one which I think could apply to MP.
 
Yeah this is definitely common in women. Like others have said, not being completely comfortable with your partner can be a factor, but it isn't the only reason. It could just be being anxious in general. I have a really hard time as well. I trust my boyfriend completely but I'm a naturally anxious person and I get anxious during sex sometimes and it just doesn't work :p aha.

It also takes time for someone to really learn a woman's body. They are all sooooo different. I think it took me about a year and a half with my boyfriend before I could orgasm. Maybe even longer, I don't know. A long time though.

Masturbation with him in the same room as "foreplay" may help, I'd suggest trying that out, relatively often :P :)
 
why do you have to come during sex?

i'll tell you one thing. during periods of mild opiate use i cant come at someone elses hands. it has to be me so thats what i do.

dont force it and tell him to chill. if he really wants to please then he should just let you relax...
 
This is a big reason why communication is so important during sex. People are all individuals and like/dislike certain things. Especially for women, where their orgasms aren't quite as straight forward as a mans, letting your partner know exactly what you want goes a long way.

The relationships I've had where we had strong sexual communication where always the best in the bedroom department.

Don't be afraid to talk about it and tell him what you want. You'll both be more satisfied in the end and glad you did it.
 
breathing is such an important factor in the female orgasm as is keeping your mind on track and in the moment (the female mind is a busy one and can be easily distracted). try closing your eyes and concentrating on your breathing. take long deep breaths and focus on the pleasure from the tip of your clitoris. dont take short sharp breaths or hold your breath entirely. oxygen increases blood flow to the clitoris and the pleasure senses during stimulation; so LOOOONNNGGG deep breaths are paramount to optimal pleasure.

good luck op; and when all else fails; as others have mentioned, communicate with your partner and guide him on how to push your buttons correctly. <3

...kytnism...:|
 
Yes communication is important and if your partner cares about you they should be patient and willful in helping.

Sometimes if I couldn't make my partner orgasm, I would kiss her body, lick, touch grab, anything while she masterbates to feel as tho her climax was both of our efforts.

Good luck!
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Stop masturbating.
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I actually agree with this. I sometimes have a hard time coming. It became MUCH easier when I stopped masturbating and stopped using my toys. Masturbation and vibrators really messed with my ability to come any other way. since I've stopped I've gone from barely being able to come once to being able to come multiple times.

I also had/have a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself and that will stop and orgasm in its tracks.
 
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