I've decided to go back to using meth regularly. I know it's not a good decision, but I feel forced into it. The drug & alcohol service is refusing to prescribe me safe pharmaceutical amphetamines, and until they do, I'll be scoring meth off dealers and gangs like I used to.
The problem is this: without meth, I can't function. Imagine chronic fatigue syndrome combined with depression and ADD. That's what it's like. Getting out of bed in the morning feels like climbing Mount Everest, and during the day I don't have any energy or motivation, so I usually just lie around doing nothing. I also can't focus on anything...
I can't follow a TV show, I can't read much, I can't write much, I rarely leave the house, and so on. It sucks. It really does. Professionals have told me that things will return to normal in time, but they haven't given me any indication of what that time frame could be. It might be months or even years. I can't wait that long. I'm not "living", I'm just "existing" miserably. That's partly what drove me to attempt suicide today.
All I needed was a prescription for dexies, but every doctor/shrink I've seen has said "no". So I'm now back to smoking poison again. Meth has taken a horrible toll on my health (people have said that I probably won't survive another year of heavy use), so if I die, the New Zealand health system is to blame. Again, all I needed was a fucking prescription. A prescription for medication to make me feel human again.
The problem is this: without meth, I can't function. Imagine chronic fatigue syndrome combined with depression and ADD. That's what it's like. Getting out of bed in the morning feels like climbing Mount Everest, and during the day I don't have any energy or motivation, so I usually just lie around doing nothing. I also can't focus on anything...
I can't follow a TV show, I can't read much, I can't write much, I rarely leave the house, and so on. It sucks. It really does. Professionals have told me that things will return to normal in time, but they haven't given me any indication of what that time frame could be. It might be months or even years. I can't wait that long. I'm not "living", I'm just "existing" miserably. That's partly what drove me to attempt suicide today.
All I needed was a prescription for dexies, but every doctor/shrink I've seen has said "no". So I'm now back to smoking poison again. Meth has taken a horrible toll on my health (people have said that I probably won't survive another year of heavy use), so if I die, the New Zealand health system is to blame. Again, all I needed was a fucking prescription. A prescription for medication to make me feel human again.
