Can't kick the habit

[Mott]

Around this time last year when I turned 17 I bought my first gram of mdma after trying it a few times and loving it. After around May this year I started to sell mdma and would be getting an ounce at a time however I never felt the need or want to take it and I was only doing it a few times a month until the summer came and I ended school. Almost every second day as far as I can remember (most of it is a blur) I would be taking mdma or cocaine with one of my good friends who had a pretty bad drug habit and would take it whenever available. Since he has went to jail I have basically picked up his habit and am doing mdma,es or whatever I can get my hands on and whenever and at very stupid times for example last week a took half an e before college and tonight I took half when I got home and both times they have just made me feel empty inside. I keep thinking I have kicked the habit but find myself a week at the most later craving and if I have anything I take it as soon as I can at stupid times, do you guys have any advice?Thanks in advance

 

[herbavore]

It's easy for compulsion to start ruling your life when something inside isn't getting what it needs. You are just entering your adult life and it can be a very confusing time. Maybe you are just going along doing nothing more than what people expect you to do? School, family and entry level jobs all have a way of making demands that may not fit your life and leave you craving more. Are you studying something that you are actually passionate about? Are your family relationships fulfilling or empty and superficial? What could you do to change your life so that it meant more to you?

It sounds like you are getting reckless and have been lucky so far to not have had any major consequences. You know there is a problem (which is great!) and now you have to untangle it so that you can understand where it is coming from. It will serve you well to nip this in the bud right now.