Can't identify with emotions of others?

[CoffeeDrinker]

That's insanity....My gut response failed me. I'm gonna go reconnoiter my whole process of posting out my ass.

 

[jazz hands]

Do most people genuinely feel badly when their friends have break-ups, etc? I'm an empathetic person, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily feel the same discomfort as another in distress. It just means that when I see distress, I recognize it, and generally try to rectify it.

 

[malakaix]

I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, people often get enveloped in drama because they identify with the emotions of others.. I'm sure you capable of understanding why someone might be upset or in distress, and the fact that your not identified with their emotions means your in a better position to help them, or on the opposite end of the spectrum as rangrz pointed out, manipulate them.

 

[blahman8000]

Despite your disgust and distaste for empathy hiphophippy, it is actually VERY useful. Empathy is not the same sympathy. Empathy is being able to understand/relate to how someone else feels or is likely to feel for a given circumstance. That does not mean you give a flying fuck, or that you wish to make them feel good. It only means you understand. With that understanding, you can use it to manipulate people. If one had no empathy, one would be unable to understand what methods might be effective for say, torturing or blackmailing people. Machiavelli was a master of empathy, so was Kim Il Sung, appealing to people enough to motivate them to fight his war, and Morris Kallon chopping peoples hands off to intimidate the others into supporting the RUF.

It's not just trite happy happy yay MDMA lame. For someone who tries so hard to come across as a bad ass, you figure you would know a little about methodology of it. (Hint: your constantly hostile, condescending posts do you no favors at trying to sway people to agree with your shit)

Empathy is an emotion, not a strategic method. What you're talking about is simply an awareness and manipulation of psychology on an intellectual level. You don't need to actually be empathetic to appeal to people's mental weaknesses. Empathy prevents you (or at least hinders you to some degree) from fucking someone over because you relate on a gut level how shitty it would be to have the same done to you. The sociopath can often be the friendliest guy you'll ever meet, that doesn't mean he actually gives a shit if he's your friend.

Empathy is like an instinct, and if someone doesn't experience it it's not really something you can persuade a person into. But wtf do I know, I'm just gassing over here.

These aren't two mutually exclusive explanations.

There is a difference between cognitive empathy and affective empathy. Those who lack cognitive empathy, such as autistics, simply fail to understand what the fellow person is feeling, and therefore cannot relate or make a connection. However, these people can still empathize in ways other than traditional conversation. You experience empathy if you are emotionally affected by a scene in a movie or a song. Many people can be reduced to tears while listening to a song and might not even understand why.

A person who lacks affective empathy, like a sociopath, has no such experiences and tends not to address it as a problem anyway. They can gain an understanding of certain behaviors and signs that indicate another person's emotions (this is where autistics fall short), but they experience no emotional response to it. These people can imitate the response you'd expect out of a caring friend, but in reality they don't give a shit at all.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Do most people genuinely feel badly when their friends have break-ups, etc? I'm an empathetic person, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily feel the same discomfort as another in distress. It just means that when I see distress, I recognize it, and generally try to rectify it.

Occasionally - depends who it is - usually my instinctive response is "I want to find and fuck their ex girlfriend" then the bros before hoes moral I hold high kicks in.

 

[Josair]

Maybe you just have a ridiculous amount of apathy...

Maybe this. I'm not suggesting you(OP)'re depressed or suffering from any mental condition. Still, a lot of psychological illnesses have decreased (or absent) empathy as a sympthom.

But let me ask a question: are you actually interested in other people thoughts and feelings or you are just wondering why you are different? And let me ask another one: there are/there are ever been people you care/cared about? Were you able to 'identify' their emotions? I think it is ok not to feel any particular emotion if something good/bad happens to someone you could not care less about.

And, hey, another question! Why are you asking this to other people? You are looking for empathy? Sympathy? Praise? Scorn? Intellectual advices? This answer also can help you, I guess.

 

[Biovail]

Well two of my closest friends recently broke up with their long time girlfriends. I talked to them and said the typical "hey man I hope you're alright, blah blah" because I knew I'd be an asshole not to and I would gain respect if I did. As far as identifying their emotions, yes I'm able to look at my friend and say "he broke up with his girl, he must be feeling confusion and sadness, maybe some anger", but that's a conclusion that is drawn logically. I know from experience that people feel this way after a break up, so I assume my friend must be feeling the same way.

I feel shitty for saying this, but the reason I don't fuck over my friends is because I value respect and I'm extremely egotistical. I want everybody to like and accept me, admire me even, so unless I truly disliked a person for some reason, I wouldn't go behind their back and fuck their ex for the simple reason that it would cause that person to lose respect for me.

If one of my best friends died, I would be sad only because I would have one less close friend, one less person to spend time with, and one less person who respected and understood me. Very few people understand me.

I would never kill a person, because I know what loss feels like. The people in my life make my life more enjoyable. I have a sense of humor and I enjoy laughing with/at my friends, sharing ideas and thoughts, and feeling accepted and liked. If I lost a friend/family member, I would lose some of this. And though I might be selfish, I have a sense of worth and wouldn't want somebody to feel loss who had done nothing to deserve it. But at the same time, if a close friend of mine died, and only emotion I would feel would be selfishness.

I don't know if I'm autistic, but wouldn't an autistic person be able to feel emotion himself, logically connect an action with an emotion, and be able to tell what a person is feeling based on what has happened to that person?

 

[Rose Petal]

Has anybody mentioned aspergers? Which, yes, is on the autism spectrum, but a person who has traits of aspergers normally wouldn't be identified by the general public as having autism, as that label is more of a technicality. We tend to associated autistic individuals with being completely uncommunicative, prone to rocking movements, arm waving, and repetitive behaviors; not able to function normally in most cases, and being trapped inside their own minds to a large degree. Aspergers differs in that the sufferer can normally function within society, but sucks at relationships, with a complete inability to empathise. They can sympathise to a large degree, by learning what the expected response should be to a situation, as you mentioned yourself about saying "I'm sorry about that" if somebody tells you they broke up with a boyfriend. Learning how to *feel* sorry, and how to put yourself in that persons shoes, is a whole different ball game. Empathy to the best of my knowledge can't be learned.. though empathetic responses can be.

Not big into labels myself, and a hundred years ago you might have just been thought of as rude in a bit odd, but I'm pretty sure that you would likely be diagnosed with Aspergers if you were tested by a specialist. I think to a large degree it is fairly important to know if you do have this, as it can have major repercussions in your every day life. Learning acceptable responses and incorporating them into social interactions with prevent you from losing friends, or being thought of as rude and uncaring, and also from failing terribly in relationships. Heck, even non-Aspergers men should learn these techniques in some cases! Men can - in general - seem so insensitive and, well.. thick, when it comes to 'getting' women. There should be some handbook that tells men "If your girlfriend says "Baby do you still find me attractive?" You need to realise she is telling you that she feels insecure, and would like you to compliment her more often, and up the attention and TLC., and is not simply looking for one syllable answer from you.

 

[Rose Petal]

Here you go. Maybe this will help you to determine if you qualify. In anycase, it's not the end of the world.. some might even see it as a distinct positive. Life can be difficult for those of us who have the opposite problem, and ***feeeeeeel*** everything to the extreme. :-(
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Asperger's syndrome is a neurobiological disorder considered to be part of the autism spectrum. The exact cause of the condition is unknown, although many experts believe there is a hereditary component. Asperger's syndrome can affect people of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds, although it is three to four times more common among men. The condition is sometimes called Asperger's disorder, Asperger's, or AS in medical texts.

People with Asperger’s syndrome may show symptoms throughout their entire lives, but most are not diagnosed until adulthood. People with Asperger’s syndrome were often bullied as children or mocked for their highly unusual interests. However, since many children experience these difficulties, the extent of the problem is seldom recognized until much later.

Essentially, Asperger's syndrome causes behavior that can best be described as “quirky.” Bill Gates, Woody Allen, Bob Dylan, Keanu Reeves, Al Gore, and Garrison Keillor are some of the many notable public figures who experts believe show symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. There is also some evidence to suggest that Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton suffered from the condition as well.

Impaired social reactions are a key component of Asperger's syndrome. People who suffer from this condition find it difficult to develop meaningful relationships with their peers. They struggle to understand the subtleties of communicating through eye contact, body language, or facial expressions and seldom show affection towards others. They are often accused of being disrespectful and rude, since they find they can’t comprehend expectations of appropriate social behavior and are often unable to determine the feelings of those around them. People suffering from Asperger's syndrome can be said to lack both social and emotional reciprocity.

Although Asperger's syndrome is related to autism, people who suffer from this condition do not have other developmental delays. They have normal to above average intelligence and fail to meet the diagnostic criteria for any other pervasive developmental disorder. In fact, people with Asperger's syndrome often show intense focus, highly logical thinking, and exceptional abilities in math or science.

There is no cure for Asperger's syndrome, but cognitive behavioral therapy, specialized speech therapy and counseling can help alleviate many of the condition’s more troubling symptoms. If they learn to develop the appropriate coping mechanisms, people with Asperger's syndrome are quite capable of getting married, having children, becoming gainfully employed, and leading independent lives.

In recent years, many of the people who have been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome have come to call themselves “aspies” or “Aspergians” in an attempt to reduce the stigma associated with their condition. In fact, there are a growing number of websites dedicated to celebrating Asperger's syndrome as an example of neurodiversity instead of an illness in need of treatment.

 

[Josair]

If one of my best friends died, I would be sad only because I would have one less close friend, one less person to spend time with, and one less person who respected and understood me. Very few people understand me.

Well, if you consider friends as assets and annoying people as liabilities, I'm not so surprised you don't automatically feel emotional resonance with them (sympathy, as the dictionary would say). Now, if this fact is making you feel bad or guilty, you could consider going to a psychologist/counselor/ doing some auto-analysis, as it would be almost impossible for any of us to tell you why you are the way you are.

If, on the other hand, you do feel fine with your 'attitude' (not really an attitude, but I lack a more proper word) towards other people... well, I would say you're perfectly fine. If you are curious about the reasons why you are in a certain way you could still go for the psych/whatever.

By the way, I had an hard hard time telling when my ex-gf was sad from when she was having some kind of anxiety peak. I really 'trained' - at first it was something like her telling me 'no, I'm almost having a panic attack, you idiot', but with time I 'learned' to feel her emotion without having to resort to some kind of medical diagnosis (i.e.: high heart rate - quick and shallow breathing - she's frozen sitting on the couch: anxiety) and to respond properly. What I'm saying is that I think you could train your ability to feel others' emotions, if you really want.

 

[HouseMouse]

I am a female who is fairly emotionless. It causes the DH a great deal of anguish. He is very emotional, affectionate, etc. Sometimes his kisses feel like an assault to me... but there is someone in my very close family with Autism so I wouldn't be surprised if I had it myself.