Can't get out of bed, eat or shower

[captainballs]

Lost my job after a near fatal overdose. Went to detox for heroin and pills; it helped nothing because I wasn't given any meds. That all happened a month ago and my money situation, living situation are reaching apocalypse in approximately 4 days. I go weeks frozen in anxiety to the point where sometimes I don't shower for days or even open the door to my apartment.

I am just frozen, and off and on just to get the motivation to do something I will score some pills or H, but with the H I inevitably end up shooting up as much as possible as fast as possible sometimes with no sleep. With the pills, it's still eating into my bank account. Now I have to decide whether I want to pay for another month in this apartment or have any money at all. No job prospects. My family is willing to support me to an extent, but I don't think they realize the treatment I need, so I will always fall back on spending too much money on pills that just disappear.

I am embarrassed. I've been given two degrees courtesy of my grandparents mostly. One of them offered to spot me as much money as I need indefinitely per month, but I knew he was getting old because I have intimate knowledge of their finances and frankly he's just old as hell and has no idea what he's doing. I spoke to his wife, my grandmother, and she confirmed of course that she is sorry but she can't help me.

I used to be rolling in dough. Rolling balls, so to speak. Not I can't hold up a shitty apartment and I lost my okay car. After all that I've done, how have I become so weak of a person to where I can't even eat or get out of bed for weeks?

 

[panic in paradise]

i remember you asking in a thread, if you should try H.


why did you?
i also remember you having security issues with you GF before this; form if i remember correctly, money issues that dwelled and you feeling, IDK like a drop out or of less worth.


maybe this is what you feared: it happening with out your control over it. the temptation was there to try already, so this was a way to maybe burn yourself down in a bit of euphoria, since you were fearing it happening anyway?


IDK, same thing ive done, and heard others, or seen as well.

i envy your wit and humor, its still there... with those two paired you should be able to talk yourself out of this.

 

[alwaysblazed]

I know it must be hard to face the world right now but you need to put away your pride and stand up. Get out of your bed and face the new day. Yes, you may not be making a lot of money any more and you may not have the best job but you're alive. You're standing up to all your problems and that truly makes you a stronger and better person. Getting up out of bed and taking a shower may seem pretty small but you're actually making a lot of progress.

I know how hard it is to get out of bed and go on with your life. I would stay in my bed and not take a shower....I wouldn't eat. My mom would be yelling for me to get up and do something but I always would turn to the side and close my eyes.... It got to the point it was either get out of bed or not graduate. So I finally realized I had to start making an effort. I'm still struggling to make it to graduation. It's so hard but I know I can do it if I continue on....

Don't let addiction keep you down. Yes, you manage to get up and succeed but then addiction pushes you right back down..... Yet if you keep getting back up sooner or later you won't ever be on the ground again. You will be standing tall once again and then you will look back at this and think wow? That was an issue? I stopped my life for that?

You can have everything you once had before and then some. This time around I'm sure you will try harder not to lose it....because now you know what can happen and what will happen if you let drugs take over your life again.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Can you go to a doctor? If you can get help for your anxiety now, can you function that way?

I would suggest going to a Suboxone doctor, so you can start on some medication to prevent you from using heroin or other full agonist opiates, but also so that you are also able to get out of bed and resume eating, showering, and so on.

 

[DroneLore]

I know it must be hard to face the world right now but you need to put away your pride and stand up. Get out of your bed and face the new day. Yes, you may not be making a lot of money any more and you may not have the best job but you're alive. You're standing up to all your problems and that truly makes you a stronger and better person. Getting up out of bed and taking a shower may seem pretty small but you're actually making a lot of progress.

I know how hard it is to get out of bed and go on with your life. I would stay in my bed and not take a shower....I wouldn't eat. My mom would be yelling for me to get up and do something but I always would turn to the side and close my eyes.... It got to the point it was either get out of bed or not graduate. So I finally realized I had to start making an effort. I'm still struggling to make it to graduation. It's so hard but I know I can do it if I continue on....

Don't let addiction keep you down. Yes, you manage to get up and succeed but then addiction pushes you right back down..... Yet if you keep getting back up sooner or later you won't ever be on the ground again. You will be standing tall once again and then you will look back at this and think wow? That was an issue? I stopped my life for that?

You can have everything you once had before and then some. This time around I'm sure you will try harder not to lose it....because now you know what can happen and what will happen if you let drugs take over your life again.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you so much for posting this.

 

[Dave]

The hardest step is the first, which is why 'bootstrapping' is generally frowned upon in clinical psych circles. People see how far they need to go, and just balk at it. I know that I did. It took me a year of living unemployed, 100% supported by my parents and just generally hating myself before I was able to get help. Eventually I reached a crisis point, and that was enough of a nudge to take the first step.

Step 1 is to see a psychologist. Find out if you actually need pills, or just need the tools to fix the root problems (rather than chopping at the symptom 'branches'). It's a huge step to take, and a doubly difficult one for someone who is in difficult financial straits, but necessary. In time you will be able to stand on your own two feet, proud and tall; but for the moment you need a professional to support and guide you, until you are able to do so on your own. The only people who would judge you for seeking out help are those useless beings who would judge others on the brand of car they drive or the number of figures in their salary.

You've had advantages in life, and you'll be able to make use of them again someday. First though, you need to take care of you.

 

[Asclepius]

Your not weak! Youv'e put yourself in a situation(unintentionally)that has rendered you weak-there is a difference. Remember that C.B. You can/will climb out.
Sorry I cant contribute much else ATM.

 

[hobhead]

it took hitting my own personal rock bottom to take the cold turkey . when life was a humiliating shit storm that go to the point that i was too miserable to die, something gave and i put the syringe down.

now all that is just a memory and my fucked up head is well .

i do not have any respect for addiction recovery rackets . in the end, one gets addicted and one kicks the shit . ''you can lead a horse to water but not make it drink'' applies.

C.B. you had a live prior to indulging yourself with the instant gratification that the poppy yields for some . think of life prior to this mess that you were in and you might come to realize that it's still there waiting to proceed once again-if you let it.

 

[RedRum OG]

this is a very common problem. heres what you do.

stop the self pity shit right away, it'll take practice and lotsa time. get the fuck out of your place. go exercise. start eating right. get a few hobbies. start hanging out with friends as much as possible. stop doing any street drugs except maybe social drinking/stoning on weekends. look for a girl. get a goal, if youre working hard for something you'll be too busy to think about yourself.

 

[panic in paradise]

^^ avoiding pity, and "why me????"
personally
saved my life a few times... good stuff to say fuck off to.

 

[Dave]

Not an easy thing to do though-- especially if it is a heavily ingrained habit. Entirely necessary though, yes. Speaking from experience. Talking in bullet points.

 

[Bojangles69]

Its funny because I had the temptation to say "well it could have been worse, that OD could have been your last OD", but for some addicts the concept of death is more a release/escape than a threat or anything to actually fear.

I honestly felt like I was about to just break down a couple weeks ago. And it kept getting worse. Low on money, even lower on drugs, graduation approaching like someone else in here mentioned, an internship I got to waste my time at and not get paid for (um hello school thats valuable time I could be making money to spend on drugs) .... we all have our downslides. We all have our shit. Sometimes we slip really badly, other times we can get right back up.

But what makes it even worse, is that feeling of lying in bed in the morning when you realize you have very little to nothing in this world to get up for... except opiates. Get some opiates in you, and all a sudden you have everything to live for. Its a pretty fucked up cycle imo.

In the long run, there is no room for shame, guilt, or like the other poster said pity. Even a doctor would tell you that. Would you feel pity for yourself for having diabetes? Or asthma? You have a medically defined MEDICAL disorder. I often see a lot of addicts on this forum forgetting that. And its because of the unevolved attitudes and morals of those we live around, and how they percieve addicts - that winds up making us percieve ourselves like scum, or low lives, etc.

I'm telling you now, with opiate addiction, there is simply no room for that shit.
You need to focus on you right now and what YOU need to DO to stablize yourself and get better.
You seem to be in a pretty bad situation. And the reason for this is simple. You detox'd off of opiates, with no meds, when your life was anything but stable previous to that. This is the last thing a suboxone program would recommend. And I agree with them 100%. It is MUCH MUCH easier to make the moves you need to make, when you are on opiates. Thats the unfortunate truth. You can't just come off that shit and expect to fix your life in a matter of months. Nor is the order even what I consider correct.

I like Captain Heroins recommendation. I would go to a sub doctor immediately. You are clearly fucked up and feeling bad. WHY ON EARTH do you think you deserve to feel like that? You DON'T.
Tell yourself that, get up, and go to a doctor. Its exactly what I did earlier this week. I will NEVER EVER put myself through hell like that again just because I think I'm a pos and deserve it. "I used opiates, what did I expect would happen?" I say fuck that. We don't use opiates at all expecting to wind up in many of the situations we do.

The OPIATES make us make those decisions. That is when we don't have them. I seriously think sub would be a good idea for you. Then find somewhere to live or if your relatives can actually give you money let them help you out, no room for pride here. You need to get yourself well so you can get up and feel motivated about finding work. And if you want to ever come off opiates, I personally think its much easier to do when all your eggs are in a row. Your eggs are all over the kitchen floor right now shells and yolks splattered all over the walls. Its a mess. You should not allow yourself to go through this type of shit.

Which is why my recommendation is the same as CH's.
Most opiate addicts are decent fucking people. Ok no I take that back, most opiate addicts are some of the kindest, most down to earth, and intellectual people I've ever met in this world. Only a select few rob/steal/shoot people for drugs. And I tend to think they'd do that anyway. As no matter how bad wds I'm in, I still know not to rob/steal/kill for drugs. My point being, chances are you're a good fucking person and don't deserve this shit. So please, do something about it. Its really as simple as that.