I've smoked marijuana about 17 times. The last 3 or 4 times i've done it, i;ve been getting worse and worse effects. Last night was the worst of all;
Strange, undescribable visions popped into my head. I could not get rid of one in particular which was especially strange. I started hearing that ice cream truck music along with this vision. At first, it was all really interesting, but then for some reason i started feeling scared. My heart was beating really fast, so this made me freak out and i started having a panic attack. I thought my heart was going to explode and i was having all kinds of visions of my heart blowing up into peices. i tried telling my boyfriend that i thought my heart was going to blow up, but the words came out all jumbled up. He tried to calm me down, and then i remember just lying on the bed and my heart really did seem to explode. I floated up out of my body. I was dead. And i was looking down on my body, and there was blood everywhere because my heart had exploded out of my chest. People were hovering around my body and saying i was the first person ever to die from smoking pot.
The second strangest part of all this was that i snapped out of it so suddenly. Something funny came on the TV and as soon as i realized this, i had floated back into my body and come back to life. Then i was laughing hysterically at what was on the TV.
After a couple hours, the effects were mostly worn off, I watched a movie and then went to sleep. I know i shouldn't be surprised by all of this, since i have schizophrenia. The thing that scares me though, is that i will still want to smoke pot even after this terrifying experience. Last night, i told myself i would never smoke it again, but right now im feeling differently about it all, even though it was really scary. I've always been this way with my hallucinations. They can scare the shit out of me when they are happening, but after i calm down from it all, i feel like i want more.
It's like i have some sort of addiction to being "insane"
Strange, undescribable visions popped into my head. I could not get rid of one in particular which was especially strange. I started hearing that ice cream truck music along with this vision. At first, it was all really interesting, but then for some reason i started feeling scared. My heart was beating really fast, so this made me freak out and i started having a panic attack. I thought my heart was going to explode and i was having all kinds of visions of my heart blowing up into peices. i tried telling my boyfriend that i thought my heart was going to blow up, but the words came out all jumbled up. He tried to calm me down, and then i remember just lying on the bed and my heart really did seem to explode. I floated up out of my body. I was dead. And i was looking down on my body, and there was blood everywhere because my heart had exploded out of my chest. People were hovering around my body and saying i was the first person ever to die from smoking pot.
The second strangest part of all this was that i snapped out of it so suddenly. Something funny came on the TV and as soon as i realized this, i had floated back into my body and come back to life. Then i was laughing hysterically at what was on the TV.
After a couple hours, the effects were mostly worn off, I watched a movie and then went to sleep. I know i shouldn't be surprised by all of this, since i have schizophrenia. The thing that scares me though, is that i will still want to smoke pot even after this terrifying experience. Last night, i told myself i would never smoke it again, but right now im feeling differently about it all, even though it was really scary. I've always been this way with my hallucinations. They can scare the shit out of me when they are happening, but after i calm down from it all, i feel like i want more.
It's like i have some sort of addiction to being "insane"

