runmercirun
Bluelighter
Sorry this is so long! Just wanted to have it all down so I could remember it.
I have candyflipped once before and it was a good experience, but this second time was a bit sketchy. Took place at a rave, I was with one good friend (J) from home and four others (M, S, JJ, & B) who I don't hangout with other than raves/fests.
We got there and went on the hunt for goodies. I split the costs of .5 grams of molly with J and managed to get my hands on 2 hits of acid that was promised to be strong and pure. I ate just a little under .2 gs of molly at 8 pm and 30 minutes later ate the acid. I was in the d&b room already feeling the bursts of euphoria from the molly and danced with M waiting for the lucy to kick in. I took a little break at around 9 pm and leaned against a nice cold wall, enjoying the vibrations of the bass against my back while drinking a fuckload of water. I felt happy, in the right place, and at peace. I closed my eyes and could see wild patterns and colors shifting behind my eyelids to the music. I didn't want to open my eyes because I was enjoying it so much. When I did open my eyes the room was bursting with trails of color from anyone swinging around a glowstick. I was staring in awe at the visual screen, getting lost in the shapes, they seemed to pop out of the screen and become 3 dimensional, hovering over the crowd.
I heard my friend JJ laughing beside me. I finally looked away from the screen and asked him what was so funny and he exclaimed "Girl you are trippppping ballss". I was confused because I didn't know what was so funny about that. He saw that he had confused me and explained that I looked totally out of it. I shrugged him off when M came up to me offering a back massage. I happily accepted. As soon as he starting messaging I felt like I was melting, but it was a good kind of melt, I just felt warm and liquidy all over.
Somebody came over and started to give me a light show. This is when things started to get out of hand. The light show was incredible, don't get me wrong. I watched the lights and the beautiful trails of his fingers and everything else in the room disappeared. I was no longer aware of M's hands on my back anymore, it was just me, those lights, and space. I literally thought I was in outer space, watching ufos dance with each other. Somebody else had put a vibrator on my head that intensified my loss of connection with the world. I couldn't hear the music, just my thoughts that kept repeating, “I need to get back down to earth, I need to go home.” All of a sudden the lights went away and I was thrown back into a room full of dancing people and music.
The dude with the gloves was smiling at me, I was completely speechless and he said your welcome without me having to say thank you and walked away. I felt Ms hand on my back again. I was soo confused and disoriented I wasn't sure what had happened was real or not and then I started wondering if my existence was real and whether or not any of the people in that room were real. I needed something familiar, someone, anything from home to set me right. I told M that I wasn't feeling good and that I wanted to go home and go back to real life. He told me that we were still in real life, it was too early to leave and that he would find a place to sit with me until I felt better. We walked up to the roof stage to find somewhere to chill.
The walk was unbearable, everyone I passed seemed to be staring and laughing at me. I felt like they were all talking about me. We reached the roof searching for a place to sit, I just wanted to catch my breath and relax. We found a spot, but there were about 6 strangers sitting there too. I was scared of them but I sat down anyway. M sat behind me letting me lay on his shoulder. I heard the strangers saying “Are you okay?” “Do you need water?” “Hey dude, you should take her outside.” My thoughts were so cluttered and jumbled in my mind, I wasn‘t sure how to answer them. M didn’t want to leave even though he knew something was wrong. He massaged my hands and said it would be over soon and I just had to wait it out and relax. He told me it was all in my head and that I’d be ok. I tried to pull myself out of my paranoia. I kept thinking “I’ll be fine, I’m in real life, this is still real life. I won‘t go crazy, I’m in real life.” I got a better grip on reality and I asked what time it was. M said it was 10. Talk about mind fuck, I couldn't believe it had only been an hour. I told him that I wanted J and he said he didn't know where she was. That really annoyed me for some reason. I sat there with him for awhile hoping J would pass. I watched the ladies cigarette next to me burn and I could see faces in the smoke, I could hear the ashes fall on the ground. Her arms would trail with hundreds of other arms every time she went to ash it. I started to ride the trip rather than fighting it. I started to admire things that would have scared me minutes before. M wrapped his arms around me and then after that I sort of black out. I don’t know if the lsd made that hour super fast, but I have no memory of 10 o’clock, other than asking for J and watching that lady smoke.
Around 11 J found me. I was so happy to see her, I got up, gave her the biggest hug, and told her I had missed her. Me and her found a spot to sit and smoke a cigarette and talk. I felt completely at ease now, I was telling her what had just happened and that I felt like I needed her to stick around to keep me grounded. We sat there for a good while and talked about life and chain smoked. A guy had sat beside us and joined our conversation, soon after so did B and JJ. I was still going in and out of a good mind set, but it wasn't too terrible. I kept looking at the people standing around me wondering why they weren't sitting down too. I felt like the people standing were on a different level than me and that it was none of my business looking at them.
Sometimes I felt like an object. Not a person, a thing, a decoration. I disconnected myself from the conversation and became an observer because my speech seemed to be impaired. I had many things to say but they wouldn't come out right, so I stayed quiet. Someone had asked me the time and I looked at my phone, it was 12:00. M then called and explained that S had gotten sick and he was sitting with him in the car till I was ready to leave. I was annoyed by him again at this point because he hadn't taken me outside when I said I didn't feel good
. I hung up and looked at the clock again, still 12:00. I thought my phone was broken so I asked J what time hers said and she said 12 and then continued on with her conversation. I couldn‘t believe that midnight was lasting so long. I kept looking at my phone, waiting for 12:01. I remember holding my breath waiting. Then it finally changed. I was so relieved that I exclaimed really loud "Guys! Guys! Its 12:01!" and everyone burst out laughing, as did I. I put my phone away after that and decided to ignore time for awhile. I also felt that my phone was too real and fragile to be handled in my state of mind, like people from the 'real world' were texting me with other issues and it just seemed so weird and unimportant.
I quickly became an object again, observing everything and everyone, swaying to the music in the background. I felt like I had super senses, I could see the cracks in the floor with great detail, I could hear different conversations and heartbeats at once, I could feel the colors of my clothes on my skin and taste every chemical in my cigarette. I was amazed and sat quietly, soaking it all in. After awhile me and J felt it was time to dip out.
We were on the roof, and the exit was 3 stories down. As we made our way down flights of stairs numerous people that passed were saying bye and that it had been nice meeting me. I had no memory of meeting any of them which tweaked me out a bit. We kept walking down the crowded stairs, I asked J how many flights we had walked down and she said too many. I let my mind get the best of me again and settled on the fact that we were stuck in a weird limbo of walking downstairs for eternity with the exit no where to be found![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
. I started to panic and began to push people just to find the bottom floor. I basically ran when I saw the exit and nearly burst into tears whenever I was outside.
It wasn’t till now that I noticed how hard I was still tripping. Inside there were so many things moving around, too many things to pay attention to, but outside it was silent and I could notice everything that was out of place. The cars going by had endless trails of light behind them, the night sky seemed to bend downward and the trees were giant hands waving at me. I felt so much safer surrounded by nature than what I had felt in the club.
Me, J, M, and S ended up spending the night at Ms friends who lived in the area. Everyone stayed up all night smoking bud and talking. I didn't talk much, just became an object again. Everything anybody said was funny for no reason for awhile. I still had short episodes of paranoia (felt like they were talking about me, thinking bad of me, judging me, was wondering whether I was really here or if it was all a bad dream, wanted to go home, questioning reality), in which I would go outside and smoke a cig until it subsided.
I didn't fall asleep till about 7 in the morning. I laid down for a good two hours trying to fall asleep. I woke up around 11, completely sober, just a little womped out. I was so relieved to be sober, I kept thinking I was gunna be stuck in that state of mind for the rest of my life. Really awesome experience, despite the difficulty it gave me. Helped me learn a lot about myself, let me realize how self conscious I am about my appearance and now I see that I care way to much about what people think of me. I know all I had to do was not give a fuck to make the paranoia go away, I just had to let go. Def not going to be messing with Lucy for awhile, not until I’m prepared and over myself. LSD by itself never let me get as paranoid as I got until this time. I’m pretty sure my setting played a big role in my difficult trip. Thought the molly would have counteracted any anxiety like my last candyflip..guess not. Guess I'm just sticking to Molly by herself from now on
I have candyflipped once before and it was a good experience, but this second time was a bit sketchy. Took place at a rave, I was with one good friend (J) from home and four others (M, S, JJ, & B) who I don't hangout with other than raves/fests.
We got there and went on the hunt for goodies. I split the costs of .5 grams of molly with J and managed to get my hands on 2 hits of acid that was promised to be strong and pure. I ate just a little under .2 gs of molly at 8 pm and 30 minutes later ate the acid. I was in the d&b room already feeling the bursts of euphoria from the molly and danced with M waiting for the lucy to kick in. I took a little break at around 9 pm and leaned against a nice cold wall, enjoying the vibrations of the bass against my back while drinking a fuckload of water. I felt happy, in the right place, and at peace. I closed my eyes and could see wild patterns and colors shifting behind my eyelids to the music. I didn't want to open my eyes because I was enjoying it so much. When I did open my eyes the room was bursting with trails of color from anyone swinging around a glowstick. I was staring in awe at the visual screen, getting lost in the shapes, they seemed to pop out of the screen and become 3 dimensional, hovering over the crowd.
I heard my friend JJ laughing beside me. I finally looked away from the screen and asked him what was so funny and he exclaimed "Girl you are trippppping ballss". I was confused because I didn't know what was so funny about that. He saw that he had confused me and explained that I looked totally out of it. I shrugged him off when M came up to me offering a back massage. I happily accepted. As soon as he starting messaging I felt like I was melting, but it was a good kind of melt, I just felt warm and liquidy all over.
Somebody came over and started to give me a light show. This is when things started to get out of hand. The light show was incredible, don't get me wrong. I watched the lights and the beautiful trails of his fingers and everything else in the room disappeared. I was no longer aware of M's hands on my back anymore, it was just me, those lights, and space. I literally thought I was in outer space, watching ufos dance with each other. Somebody else had put a vibrator on my head that intensified my loss of connection with the world. I couldn't hear the music, just my thoughts that kept repeating, “I need to get back down to earth, I need to go home.” All of a sudden the lights went away and I was thrown back into a room full of dancing people and music.
The dude with the gloves was smiling at me, I was completely speechless and he said your welcome without me having to say thank you and walked away. I felt Ms hand on my back again. I was soo confused and disoriented I wasn't sure what had happened was real or not and then I started wondering if my existence was real and whether or not any of the people in that room were real. I needed something familiar, someone, anything from home to set me right. I told M that I wasn't feeling good and that I wanted to go home and go back to real life. He told me that we were still in real life, it was too early to leave and that he would find a place to sit with me until I felt better. We walked up to the roof stage to find somewhere to chill.
The walk was unbearable, everyone I passed seemed to be staring and laughing at me. I felt like they were all talking about me. We reached the roof searching for a place to sit, I just wanted to catch my breath and relax. We found a spot, but there were about 6 strangers sitting there too. I was scared of them but I sat down anyway. M sat behind me letting me lay on his shoulder. I heard the strangers saying “Are you okay?” “Do you need water?” “Hey dude, you should take her outside.” My thoughts were so cluttered and jumbled in my mind, I wasn‘t sure how to answer them. M didn’t want to leave even though he knew something was wrong. He massaged my hands and said it would be over soon and I just had to wait it out and relax. He told me it was all in my head and that I’d be ok. I tried to pull myself out of my paranoia. I kept thinking “I’ll be fine, I’m in real life, this is still real life. I won‘t go crazy, I’m in real life.” I got a better grip on reality and I asked what time it was. M said it was 10. Talk about mind fuck, I couldn't believe it had only been an hour. I told him that I wanted J and he said he didn't know where she was. That really annoyed me for some reason. I sat there with him for awhile hoping J would pass. I watched the ladies cigarette next to me burn and I could see faces in the smoke, I could hear the ashes fall on the ground. Her arms would trail with hundreds of other arms every time she went to ash it. I started to ride the trip rather than fighting it. I started to admire things that would have scared me minutes before. M wrapped his arms around me and then after that I sort of black out. I don’t know if the lsd made that hour super fast, but I have no memory of 10 o’clock, other than asking for J and watching that lady smoke.
Around 11 J found me. I was so happy to see her, I got up, gave her the biggest hug, and told her I had missed her. Me and her found a spot to sit and smoke a cigarette and talk. I felt completely at ease now, I was telling her what had just happened and that I felt like I needed her to stick around to keep me grounded. We sat there for a good while and talked about life and chain smoked. A guy had sat beside us and joined our conversation, soon after so did B and JJ. I was still going in and out of a good mind set, but it wasn't too terrible. I kept looking at the people standing around me wondering why they weren't sitting down too. I felt like the people standing were on a different level than me and that it was none of my business looking at them.
Sometimes I felt like an object. Not a person, a thing, a decoration. I disconnected myself from the conversation and became an observer because my speech seemed to be impaired. I had many things to say but they wouldn't come out right, so I stayed quiet. Someone had asked me the time and I looked at my phone, it was 12:00. M then called and explained that S had gotten sick and he was sitting with him in the car till I was ready to leave. I was annoyed by him again at this point because he hadn't taken me outside when I said I didn't feel good
. I hung up and looked at the clock again, still 12:00. I thought my phone was broken so I asked J what time hers said and she said 12 and then continued on with her conversation. I couldn‘t believe that midnight was lasting so long. I kept looking at my phone, waiting for 12:01. I remember holding my breath waiting. Then it finally changed. I was so relieved that I exclaimed really loud "Guys! Guys! Its 12:01!" and everyone burst out laughing, as did I. I put my phone away after that and decided to ignore time for awhile. I also felt that my phone was too real and fragile to be handled in my state of mind, like people from the 'real world' were texting me with other issues and it just seemed so weird and unimportant. I quickly became an object again, observing everything and everyone, swaying to the music in the background. I felt like I had super senses, I could see the cracks in the floor with great detail, I could hear different conversations and heartbeats at once, I could feel the colors of my clothes on my skin and taste every chemical in my cigarette. I was amazed and sat quietly, soaking it all in. After awhile me and J felt it was time to dip out.
We were on the roof, and the exit was 3 stories down. As we made our way down flights of stairs numerous people that passed were saying bye and that it had been nice meeting me. I had no memory of meeting any of them which tweaked me out a bit. We kept walking down the crowded stairs, I asked J how many flights we had walked down and she said too many. I let my mind get the best of me again and settled on the fact that we were stuck in a weird limbo of walking downstairs for eternity with the exit no where to be found
. I started to panic and began to push people just to find the bottom floor. I basically ran when I saw the exit and nearly burst into tears whenever I was outside. It wasn’t till now that I noticed how hard I was still tripping. Inside there were so many things moving around, too many things to pay attention to, but outside it was silent and I could notice everything that was out of place. The cars going by had endless trails of light behind them, the night sky seemed to bend downward and the trees were giant hands waving at me. I felt so much safer surrounded by nature than what I had felt in the club.
Me, J, M, and S ended up spending the night at Ms friends who lived in the area. Everyone stayed up all night smoking bud and talking. I didn't talk much, just became an object again. Everything anybody said was funny for no reason for awhile. I still had short episodes of paranoia (felt like they were talking about me, thinking bad of me, judging me, was wondering whether I was really here or if it was all a bad dream, wanted to go home, questioning reality), in which I would go outside and smoke a cig until it subsided.
I didn't fall asleep till about 7 in the morning. I laid down for a good two hours trying to fall asleep. I woke up around 11, completely sober, just a little womped out. I was so relieved to be sober, I kept thinking I was gunna be stuck in that state of mind for the rest of my life. Really awesome experience, despite the difficulty it gave me. Helped me learn a lot about myself, let me realize how self conscious I am about my appearance and now I see that I care way to much about what people think of me. I know all I had to do was not give a fuck to make the paranoia go away, I just had to let go. Def not going to be messing with Lucy for awhile, not until I’m prepared and over myself. LSD by itself never let me get as paranoid as I got until this time. I’m pretty sure my setting played a big role in my difficult trip. Thought the molly would have counteracted any anxiety like my last candyflip..guess not. Guess I'm just sticking to Molly by herself from now on
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