can you handle me?

[*SWeeT-e*]

I am happy
I am energy
I am cocaine-addicted
I am naturally high
I am a chatterbox
I am a silent smile
I am tainted purity
I am genuine
I am 100 persons all in one
I am real
I am 100 different masks

I am sad
I am masochistic
I am self-destructive to the point of beauty
I am a work of art
I am a fragmented soul
I am multiple personalities
I am manic-depressive
I am chemically dependent
I am suicidal
I am fearless
I am a coward

I defy explanation
I resent judgement
I resist interpretation
I battle life

I embrace your understanding of me
I push away your love
I encourage frustration
I yearn for completion

I die many deaths
while searching for one true life
I excuse my failings
while hating myself for them
I blame my addictions
that I created
I love my enslavement
while craving my freedom

I dream of myself
as 100 people
I envision my life
as 100 paths
and yet I do not know who I am
and I haven't discovered how to truly live
I have become better at dying
than living

I have been to the lowest valleys
and risen to the highest mountains
I have seen the world
and not been able to reach it
I have seen death
and not been able to let go enough to embrace it
I continue to live
by default

I have been to church
I have been to rehab
I have been to the free aids clinic
I have been to the ER for a suicide attempt
I have taken a pregnancy test in a McDonalds
I have slept on a park bench in North Toronto
I have escaped through my bedroom window
I have seen the sun rise three times over without sleeping in between

I know that there can be more joy in pain
than there is in getting what you think you want
I know that there can more beauty in death
than there can be in continuing to live

I do not believe that we shall all be reunited someday
or that there is a meaning to all this meaningless pain
I do not believe that we shall be rewarded or punished
except by the natural consequences of our own actions
I do not believe that life will carry on after this one
so we should make every moment count while we possess it in our hands
I do not believe that there is anyone determining our fate
but that we hold the key to our own chains

I believe
I feel
I die
I live
I exist
I want to more than exist
I love life
I love death
I hurt
I bleed
I fuck up
I am real

I will not be here forever
but I hope that I can change at least a small piece of your existence in my limited days
will you miss me when I'm gone?
will you ever understand me?
and if you do, could you love me?
if you love me, can you handle me...
just as I am?

 

[neverwas]

I feel
I die
I live
I exist
I want to more than exist
I love life
I love death
I hurt
I bleed
I fuck up
I am real

***
will you miss me when I'm gone?
will you ever understand me?
and if you do, could you love me?
if you love me, can you handle me...
just as I am?

exactly my thoughts...i often wonder why i have the best of friends that i do...but then i realise everyone has the lil inperfections and flaws that make us what we are

 

[Rollingrrl]

awesome. just freaking awesome. damn i never knew how many people lived the same way I did or feel the same way I do sometimes till i started reading Words. you guys all rock!

 

[soulfly]

it's funny... every potential relationship i involve myself in, i ask her that same exact question. Odd how people always answer "yes", but when all of what you wrote rears it's head, they always realize that they can't....

 

[up all night]

I die many deaths
while searching for one true life
I excuse my failings
while hating myself for them
I blame my addictions
that I created
I love my enslavement
while craving my freedom

I could have quoted this whole thing... but I think this section will suffice.

Powerful work.

 

[Spyke]

Damn...dunno what else to say...

I am making a page of random writings and quotes and poems and such that I've written and that I really like of other people's...could I put this on that site, with you credited? page is at: http://www.imajuhn.tk

I was so feeling every line of this...you have more?

 

[habana]

I will not be here forever but I hope that I can change at least a small piece of your existence in my limited days will you miss me when I'm gone? will you ever understand me? and if you do, could you love me? if you love me, can you handle me... just as I am?

Yes. I think so. Yes. Yes.

That sounds like my last couple of girlfriends... still miss them alot. Really really alot. I hope to meet and like a normal girl one of these days...not expecting it to happen any time soon though :D

Nice writing *SWeeT-e* - keep it up