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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Can you describe a moment of clarity? How can you tell its real?

Deru said:
That's how I was. Overdosing to me was normal - until that one. What saved my life finally was after that overdose, with myself deep down actually wanting out, I checked into an inpatient rehab, and I really tried to work it. I avoided the toxic people like the plague, stayed in my lane, and wound up making life long friends. I wanted it this time and nothing was going to get in my way. It was unlike the million prior attempts I had made to get clean, I wanted it - no, I needed it so bad I could feel it in my bones.

Then HA/CA after rehab to keep the support system going and fixing my root cause issues that kept reinforcing my addiction.

It took over three years of hard work, but it was well worth it.
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Hell yeah dude! I hope one day I can say that. You should be proud of that.

I honestly hate my life at this period, it sucks. I have every reason to change but I dont know wtf I'm supposed posed to change in to, and finding a version of life that I can legit enjoy seems like an impossible feat. I have become such a miserable person over the past couple years and I feel like the person I once was is dead.

I gotta fucking do something...
 
tracedwards313 said:
I gotta fucking do something..
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Honestly, what it all boiled down to was this for me. My moment of clarity brought me to this realization: if I want to get better, I literally have to not care or worry about anyone else at all. I needed to learn to focus on me and make myself better. And I deserved to do that without feeling guilty of neglecting anything or anyone else in my life, temporarily, until I could get better. I learned if I didn't put myself first and take care of me, then I couldn't truly be there for anyone else either.

I remember thinking about it like this: if you weren't going to join me in my coffin, then your needs were going to be irrelavant to me for awhile.

It took years to repair things with my marriage and my family, but slowly and surely, it started getting better. Day by day was an understatement sometimes.
 
I had a moment of clarity today that went “hey, I am not a recreational user. I am seriously addicted even if it is only once a week”

This was closely followed by another flash that went, “hey, you’ll never get that PhD if you have only one clearheaded day to work each week”

Interestingly it only took 6 months for this flash of brilliance. Earlier in my life such insight might have taken 6 years to register.
 
Even earth-shattering experiences become essentially mute, if they dont cause actual change.

Im guilty of it.

That's why daily mindful meditation is usually more effective than single powerfully overwhelming experiences.
 
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