My mother was an alcoholic when i was around 14, and she ended up going to prison a few years later due to a bunch of b.s. with her and my dad.........Anyway she did almost 2 years and it really traumatized her............She didnt belong in prison and couldnt handle it and was sent to the state psych ward in Trenton NJ ............Anyway when she got out she had lost her house, car, etc, and basically left with nothing due to not taking care of anything while she was in there.......She went to live with her mother (my grandmom) who is 89 now. For the last few years since she got out of jail , my mom has grown deeper and deeper into her depression..........She does not leave the house at all, basically just sits in a chair all day every day watching tv. Its really sad to see........She doesnt even talk to anyone except me and my sister. She used to be a regular suburban mom and when i was a kid she would do all the regular mom things and ever since it all fell apart she hasnt been the same........She has no interest in seeing a dr. to get better and even though i visit a lot and have a car, she never wants to go out with me or do anything...........Some of her actions i cant understand. She wears the same clothes every day which is kinda nasty IMO, her hair has gotten very gross , almost dreadlocky, (shes a white lady with curly hair) , her teeth look very bad from not seeing a dentist i guess, and her nails are very long and she is just generally a mess..............It really sucks and i use it as an exscuse as to why i get high ............i know , not a good one.............but can anyone explain to me why she would do things like sleep in her clothes (jeans and sweatshirt) and not ever put on pajamas ? to me i just dont get that ...............could she really be that down that she has no energy to even change into sleeping clothes or cut her nails ? she showers some days but smells kind of bad and i cant believe its my mom .........She is scared to go in public because of what ppl will think of her......and she is basically obsessed on her "past life" before it fell apart when i was young and her and my dad were stilll together and she blames him and his new wife for the whole thing , because they pressed charges on her that got her a 4 yr flat sentence.
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Can someone help me understand my mothers depression ?
- Thread starter jake99
- Start date
ocean
Bluelight Crew
I don't know what your mother did, what happened while she was in prison and about 101 other things that could contribute to her current mental health-
But I will say that it is actually common for people suffering from deep depression to stop caring for themselves. There are a number of mental disorders where people lose their motivation to care for themselves- or they have an altered self image.....possibly feeling so worthless it would be pointless to care for themselves.
The only thing you can do is urge her to get some help- or if it becomes something where it is a health hazard, you could get help for her. (meaning she doesn't care for the home and it is so filthy it could get her or your grandmother sick)
As far as you using it as an excuse to use- I think you know, as you said, it is a poor excuse.
You are your own person.
Lots of luck with helping your mom.
It sounds like an awful situation and I really hope she pulls out of this.
But I will say that it is actually common for people suffering from deep depression to stop caring for themselves. There are a number of mental disorders where people lose their motivation to care for themselves- or they have an altered self image.....possibly feeling so worthless it would be pointless to care for themselves.
The only thing you can do is urge her to get some help- or if it becomes something where it is a health hazard, you could get help for her. (meaning she doesn't care for the home and it is so filthy it could get her or your grandmother sick)
As far as you using it as an excuse to use- I think you know, as you said, it is a poor excuse.
You are your own person.
Lots of luck with helping your mom.
It sounds like an awful situation and I really hope she pulls out of this.
psychohedonist
Bluelighter
One biological explanation of depression is that it's a response to stress overload - the brain essentially shuts down instead of taking any more stress. So even every day stuff, like self care, becomes unimportant to the depressed person. In a way, they have just "switched off".
It's a million times more complex than that I think, but that seems part of it given what she's gone through.
Do what you can for her, but also look after yourself %)
Very best wishes to you.
It's a million times more complex than that I think, but that seems part of it given what she's gone through.
Do what you can for her, but also look after yourself %)
Very best wishes to you.
See what sucks is that My grandma at 89 has to deal with my mom being in her depression, and then for me to tell my grandma on top of my moms problem that i am giong to have to go away to a detox would really hurt her.............so i dont know how to handle it................thats one reason for so long ive wanted to be able to get clean without checking into a program....................but i always seem 2 fail
hobhead
Bluelighter
if i were in OP's shoes and facing the same dreadful problem, i would look to the county social services agency for resources . it is a situation that would not be unknown to them .
ocean
Bluelight Crew
Jake, this is sounding so familiar-
Wasn't there once an issue with the Grandmother??
Wasn't there once an issue with the Grandmother??
theartofwar
Bluelighter
Bingo,
I think this hits it on the head - she sounds like she is carrying a lot of trauma from her bid (sucks jake , I'm sorry for your mum). I totally know this effect though, being switched off, she's got a rough road ahead of her. It's very easy to give in.
TheLostBoys
Bluelighter
I had fallen into depression like that when I broke up with one of my gf's, kinda of my fault but anyway, I never went out of the house(this was when I wasnt working for about 2 years), I would just lay around & watch tv all day. I would put scenarios in my head on what me & my ex-gf would be doing during the day & what not.
I would have my friends & cousins call me up & ask me to go out & do stuff & I would decline. My parents knew I was in depression & would always ask me if they could help in anyway but I would tell them theres nothing they can do. Couple things I did differently from your mom was I would take showers every other day & brush my teeth twice a day, I cant sleep unless I brush my teeth.
Ive been so far into depression where I didnt care about anyone or anything that happened but I eventually snapped out of it. Money always helped me, it would snap me out of any depression & still does. Anyone that says money cant buy you happiness is a retard or was born with a silver spoon up their ass.
OP: Your mom will have to find that one thing that makes her smile & want to keep living. Depression is the silent killer that can destroy the human mind & body. Depression itself can bring on so many ailments, its ashame there isnt a miracle pill that someone could take & cure them.
psytaco
Bluelighter
Yeah when you are depressed you stop caring about alot of things. Some of them are things like self care, keeping a tidy house, going outside, seeing other people etc.
For your mum it seems to be pretty extreme, but this kind of behaviour is pretty common for people with severe depression. Another factor is when you are depressed you don't have the energy to do anything. even going shopping for food when you are hungry or washing your clothes when they are all dirty seems like too much effort.
I think your mum is in desperate need of some help. I'm not sure how you would go about it though. Therapy would be the best option, maybe medication.
For your mum it seems to be pretty extreme, but this kind of behaviour is pretty common for people with severe depression. Another factor is when you are depressed you don't have the energy to do anything. even going shopping for food when you are hungry or washing your clothes when they are all dirty seems like too much effort.
I think your mum is in desperate need of some help. I'm not sure how you would go about it though. Therapy would be the best option, maybe medication.
toastedpanda
Bluelighter
My moms is just like that plus currently using I wish I knew what to tel you jake I just frustrate myself wondering what I have to do make things change......
Legerity
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,965
Sounds like a difficult situation. Is there any way you can move out? My mother often seems like she is on a verge of a breakdown and I have had to distance myself sometimes because it's just an ongoing issue. The past year and a half our relationship has been kind of rocky but I would never be able handle returning to the previous relationship dynamic at this point. Now we seem to be getting along quite well.
It is important for the there to be some sort of "cut" between parents and children. Otherwise your relationship with your parents will continue to influence your other relationships too. I'm not saying this is what you necessarily need to do right now but it's essential to have a sense of self separate from family if you want to become fully independent.
All the best to you and your mom.
It is important for the there to be some sort of "cut" between parents and children. Otherwise your relationship with your parents will continue to influence your other relationships too. I'm not saying this is what you necessarily need to do right now but it's essential to have a sense of self separate from family if you want to become fully independent.
All the best to you and your mom.
thanks im 29 and still co dependent on my family . i wanna blame them for my using. messed up i know................what really sucks is i cant seem to get honest with them about my using and its holding me back from gettin better because i dont wanna hurt them or have them cut me off so i just keep hiding my using and it gets worse and worse........
TheLostBoys
Bluelighter
If you really wanna get clean, do you think you can do it w/o your family ever finding out? I know its a poor excuse to use for your drug abuse but I understand why you use drugs & how it keeps you from not ending up like you mom. Self medicating has to be done sometimes. Sometimes there is no way out but self medication until you can figure out what else you can do to get out of the situation you are in.
if i could just tell them (tried to tell my dad and he basically is in denial and said i should deal with it on my own , hes fed up after seein me f up for years now) but the hard part of tellin my grandmom and mom (they live together and my grandmom is 89 and has to deal with my mom's situation ) is that it seems that the only happiness my grandmom gets is when i come see her and help out by gettin her groceries and what not, and for her to know im messin up again and had to go away would really hurt her) plus my mom , as depressed as she is still enjoys seeing me and watching movies with me and stuff............and to tell them ive been lying about being clean all this time would really suck............that is why i keep sayin ill get clean without goin away to a program so no one will have to know but i never seem to be able to do it (methadone , suboxone , etc.) N.a. meetings , none of it has worked in last 2 yrs.......................
some days i say "f it , ill just use until i have no choice but to stop" but after doin 2 prison bids i aint beat for another ..............
some days i say "f it , ill just use until i have no choice but to stop" but after doin 2 prison bids i aint beat for another ..............
izzy66
Bluelighter
jake, i remember much of this post from awhile back. today it made me cry to think your mom is still in deep depression and getting worse.
yes depression can get so bad that you don't change clothes or take care of yourself at all. at one time i was close to what your mom is experiencing now. when you said her hair was getting like dreads that really hit me cuz i remember having to cut that shit outta my hair cuz i didn't care if it was brushed.
but i didn't have anyone to depend on so that i could stay in the house 24/7/365. my son was young and i had to be somewhat functional and somehow get back to work cuz there was no one to do anything for me, y'know?
how do mom and grandma get food in the house and keep up w/ bills and stuff? is grandma doing the shopping, etc?
--------
ok, you've been using mom and grandma's troubles as your excuse for getting fk'd up. and i'm gonna call bullshit on you this time. you gotta keep tryin to get clean, y'know dude? i'm not tryin to be an asshole or harsh. but i'm sayin you just gotta get up, stand up, and get healthy first.
cuz you really have a good heart and wanna help your family but you can't help them until you help you first.
right?
best of luck to you, jake.
-izzy
Last edited:
Hey izzy thanks for support..............grandma was walking to grocery store across street from her apartment since mom wouldnt do it for her .................
I started going up there every week to help since its a lot for an 89 year old to bring all those groceries back across the street home and mom is too depressed to do it
this is one reason i dont want to go away and leave grandma alone to have to do it..............
As far as bills grandma has money for bills and thats not a problem. but mom lost everything when she went to jail for almost 2 yrs . she had a nice house, car , etc and didnt take care of it while she was away and lost it plus my father cut off her alimony leaving her with almost nothing....................
I started going up there every week to help since its a lot for an 89 year old to bring all those groceries back across the street home and mom is too depressed to do it
this is one reason i dont want to go away and leave grandma alone to have to do it..............
As far as bills grandma has money for bills and thats not a problem. but mom lost everything when she went to jail for almost 2 yrs . she had a nice house, car , etc and didnt take care of it while she was away and lost it plus my father cut off her alimony leaving her with almost nothing....................
theartofwar
Bluelighter
Could u say you're going to a friend, check to detox - save the subs for when you are out for days you start budding and come back ?