sonicwhite
Bluelighter
I need someone who has severe anxiety ADD and has a drug history that they overcame by grit and prayer. I know God this God that. If it wasn't 4 Him I'd be dead right now. I wanna do this right for me. I was in a T Bone accident. The hospital didn't give me anything 4 pain. So I made a very very bad decision. I started meth after nearly almost 18 yrs sober. I don't do it anymore but I know the devils schemes.
I was dealing w a lot of BS from tweaker who just kept trying to steal from me. Finally I went to my good friend who is a user and I said look. I'm being ripped you know that. He said look Daniel, I saw you at your worst in 05. If I have an inkling it's going in that direction I'll cut you off. Well in two days that's all it took.
I love my friend. I really do. He's been a look out 4 some time. When he even caught wind of me trying to get meth he was like do not do it do not sell to him. He knows everybody I know. He has a big heart like me. I take stimulants to help stay away cuz I'm always drowsy from 3 mg of klonopin. 15 mg of Zyprexa. 200 mg of Zoloft. 80 mg of Latuda. It gets really depressing living in your room wishing your heart would give out. I didn't go into the psychiatric community wanting this. It all started when I should of been given a benzo I was giving gabapentin which mind you. I can take 1 mg a day of klonopin, but accidently finding out you can get high from gabapentin while trying to OD. I TOLD my doc all this. I told him I double dipped and I was ready to face the music cuz you know what. My meds work. I just have this demon that won't stop pestering me. No the devil did not make me do it. I'm accountable 4 my own actions. This cluster of problems was not my intended purposes. I was trying to get the little whispers to go away. Looking back it's nothing compared to the crap I've landed myself into now. Once they put me on Lexapro my OCD and anxiety went thru the roof. They are responsible but I also signed a waiver that this is what I'm doing 4 me. I'm not trying to sue anyone. I can careless about money. I just wanna do this exact right thing. I was doing good until the tweakers wouldn't stop stressing me out. Not my buddy but the others who don't care about anybody but themselves. Thanks 4 reading. I know I went off on MODS which that in and by itself is doomed but yall had mercy on me which I'm grateful. When you look at the layer under the BL community you see genuine ppl in pain. Yeah I used to be those how can I get messed up on? So so. Yalls always had to remind me. This is not reddit which there going to get all their names. Thank God I never liked reddit 4 that purpose or talking about porn. Any ways maybe I need several accountability partners. It's either that or I flush all my meds down the toilet. Go thru hell and hope I come out the other side. I would of never went this direction but there's Def an underlined disorder or disorders there that where never addressed as a child. Now I'm reaping what my parents sowed. I know my dad wishes he could rewind time and do it right but what's done is done. It's already been recorded.
I was dealing w a lot of BS from tweaker who just kept trying to steal from me. Finally I went to my good friend who is a user and I said look. I'm being ripped you know that. He said look Daniel, I saw you at your worst in 05. If I have an inkling it's going in that direction I'll cut you off. Well in two days that's all it took.
I love my friend. I really do. He's been a look out 4 some time. When he even caught wind of me trying to get meth he was like do not do it do not sell to him. He knows everybody I know. He has a big heart like me. I take stimulants to help stay away cuz I'm always drowsy from 3 mg of klonopin. 15 mg of Zyprexa. 200 mg of Zoloft. 80 mg of Latuda. It gets really depressing living in your room wishing your heart would give out. I didn't go into the psychiatric community wanting this. It all started when I should of been given a benzo I was giving gabapentin which mind you. I can take 1 mg a day of klonopin, but accidently finding out you can get high from gabapentin while trying to OD. I TOLD my doc all this. I told him I double dipped and I was ready to face the music cuz you know what. My meds work. I just have this demon that won't stop pestering me. No the devil did not make me do it. I'm accountable 4 my own actions. This cluster of problems was not my intended purposes. I was trying to get the little whispers to go away. Looking back it's nothing compared to the crap I've landed myself into now. Once they put me on Lexapro my OCD and anxiety went thru the roof. They are responsible but I also signed a waiver that this is what I'm doing 4 me. I'm not trying to sue anyone. I can careless about money. I just wanna do this exact right thing. I was doing good until the tweakers wouldn't stop stressing me out. Not my buddy but the others who don't care about anybody but themselves. Thanks 4 reading. I know I went off on MODS which that in and by itself is doomed but yall had mercy on me which I'm grateful. When you look at the layer under the BL community you see genuine ppl in pain. Yeah I used to be those how can I get messed up on? So so. Yalls always had to remind me. This is not reddit which there going to get all their names. Thank God I never liked reddit 4 that purpose or talking about porn. Any ways maybe I need several accountability partners. It's either that or I flush all my meds down the toilet. Go thru hell and hope I come out the other side. I would of never went this direction but there's Def an underlined disorder or disorders there that where never addressed as a child. Now I'm reaping what my parents sowed. I know my dad wishes he could rewind time and do it right but what's done is done. It's already been recorded.
