Can I win?

[Apathetic1]

Hi everyone this is the first post that ever made and I just wanted to talk to someone and have them hear my story and see if they can relate or help. I've been a drug user for the past 15 years it started with marijuana and ecstasy which then went to cocaine then to painkillers. I live in Broward County so I was going to attend doctors at once getting up to a thousand oxycodone 30 milligrams with 80 milligram extended release oxycontin and Dilaudid. When that all dried up I switched over to heroin. I've been trying to maintain the Suboxone and quit but something in my mind just makes me keep going back. I'll go from heroin to crack to Suboxone and it's like a vicious cycle that just won't stop. I don't feel like I can beat this I cry and I pray to God that he'll help me. I try my best but it's obviously not good enough because I keep failing over and over and over. I'm so sad now and it's taking so much away from me that I can't stop thinking that I'll never win and then I'm just going to die from an overdose or for my own hand from the depression that I can't beat because of drugs. I have a great mother and father support me and try to help me my girlfriend is it doctor an obstetrician gynecologist so she understands better than most what's going on. I just want to get to the doctor to get Suboxone and I'm praying that maybe it'll work but if it doesn't if I fail yet again and let all the people around me down and myself most of all where do I turn. This isn't fun anymore I don't get high with anyone I just get hi bye myself. I just want to stop and put this all behind me. I was just hoping that maybe somebody out there has beat it and give me some advice. I feel like a shell of what I once was this isn't how I am supposed to be. I'm sorry if I'm being whiny I'm just that my end and I have no one to turn to. So maybe if I put this out on here someone will respond who's going through the same thing or has already beat it

 

[MrRoot]

Hi!

There are plenty of people who either have got sober and stay in that way and also those on the various stages of the same journey you are taking.

You can find plenty of recovery journals on Sober Living subforum

I have been on Suboxone for seven months after tapering out of oxycodone usage and then relapsing and have been working with the issues that lead me to abuse drugs this whole time.

Suboxone itself has been just a part of my recovery and most of it is by the help and support I have received from professionals and those close to me as well as a shitloads of mental work done by myself.

It wasn't a miracle drug on its own but instead it has allowed me to start the real process of dealing with the issues leading to the drug abuse.

I hope this time you will achieve what you want but don't forget to get all the help and support you'll need along the Suboxone.

And welcome to the board and please feel free to stop by on Sober Living subforum as you'll find a huge amount of really helpfull stuff on there.