Rositalih
Greenlighter
Hi! This is my first post, and truly don't know where it goes (I have never utilized a site like this)... I hope that I can explain my situation well:
I've been smoking heroin for years recreationally. I have a severe anxiety disorder and honestly, the first time I used when I was eighteen, I thanked God for showing me that I wouldn't always have to be so afraid...this is not exactly on topic...let me see. I have been smoking heroin for years, on and off, never actually getting physically dependent, until this year. I never shot regularly, only once in a while (sometimes not for years), as a special occasion, or a few times when I joined a friend, out of town on a binge, and he injected me. I never knew how to use needles until this year as well.
I went through an incredibly intense period this year where I found out that my husband was not only psychologically abusing me, but cheating on me it a terrible, terrible way, that I cannot go into describing. I moved out but eventually took him back, and forgave him for everything, and believed everything he said, and truly felt that our love could be stronger.
Nightmares reoccurred. He in fact never stopped cheating on me. There are aspects to this story that make it much worse than what may come across as a simple case of infidelity that I should be able to get over, but I am not sure of the level of disclosure which is common here. Long story short I began using in earnest. Daily. But still only smoking (this was about six months ago). I am also in an intensive school program, where I am in class from eight to three Monday through Friday, and attendance is crucial (below 95% attendance for the year bars you from taking your exams and being certified, even if you completed the immense work load). I swear now that the heroin got me through school while suffering through an extremely terrible time with my husband. I can say that perhaps the heroin even kept me from hurting myself in other ways. I became physically addicted after about a month, but was able to detox with suboxone (not sure if that is spelled correctly). I started again fairly quickly. The relationship between myself and my husband is one of horrible contention but much love as well. I don't know if I can ever get over what he did to me. My self esteem has been shattered and I seriously suffer from PTSD symptoms related to things which he did.
A month ago I began shooting it. My husband is waking up so I have to finish this quickly (yes, I have stayed with him, I think, until school is finished and I will be strong enough to go)...I have terrible asthma so I actually can't smoke it anymore (I was hospitalized for lack of oxygen about a month ago). My tolerance has gone up quickly and I perhaps hit three times a day. I am terrified about school (we have been on break for the last three weeks). Will I be able to quite with suboxone and still go to school without the administration or my classmates knowing that I am an addict? If I am able to find a large quantity of subs? I cannot go to a detox or rehab because of school, and because of other reasons I can't share in this post. Before I hit in the morning I feel terrible, very sick. Is it possible? Or am I basically doomed to waste the year of school which I did everything to hold onto? I really hate this addiction now. I feel terrible that I let this happen to myself and often feel incredibly hopeless. I cannot lose this opportunity to work when certified by the association which accredits my school; it has meant everything to me and finally makes me feel like a worthwhile person.
Thank you.
Please tell me what you think. Thank you so much.
I've been smoking heroin for years recreationally. I have a severe anxiety disorder and honestly, the first time I used when I was eighteen, I thanked God for showing me that I wouldn't always have to be so afraid...this is not exactly on topic...let me see. I have been smoking heroin for years, on and off, never actually getting physically dependent, until this year. I never shot regularly, only once in a while (sometimes not for years), as a special occasion, or a few times when I joined a friend, out of town on a binge, and he injected me. I never knew how to use needles until this year as well.
I went through an incredibly intense period this year where I found out that my husband was not only psychologically abusing me, but cheating on me it a terrible, terrible way, that I cannot go into describing. I moved out but eventually took him back, and forgave him for everything, and believed everything he said, and truly felt that our love could be stronger.
Nightmares reoccurred. He in fact never stopped cheating on me. There are aspects to this story that make it much worse than what may come across as a simple case of infidelity that I should be able to get over, but I am not sure of the level of disclosure which is common here. Long story short I began using in earnest. Daily. But still only smoking (this was about six months ago). I am also in an intensive school program, where I am in class from eight to three Monday through Friday, and attendance is crucial (below 95% attendance for the year bars you from taking your exams and being certified, even if you completed the immense work load). I swear now that the heroin got me through school while suffering through an extremely terrible time with my husband. I can say that perhaps the heroin even kept me from hurting myself in other ways. I became physically addicted after about a month, but was able to detox with suboxone (not sure if that is spelled correctly). I started again fairly quickly. The relationship between myself and my husband is one of horrible contention but much love as well. I don't know if I can ever get over what he did to me. My self esteem has been shattered and I seriously suffer from PTSD symptoms related to things which he did.
A month ago I began shooting it. My husband is waking up so I have to finish this quickly (yes, I have stayed with him, I think, until school is finished and I will be strong enough to go)...I have terrible asthma so I actually can't smoke it anymore (I was hospitalized for lack of oxygen about a month ago). My tolerance has gone up quickly and I perhaps hit three times a day. I am terrified about school (we have been on break for the last three weeks). Will I be able to quite with suboxone and still go to school without the administration or my classmates knowing that I am an addict? If I am able to find a large quantity of subs? I cannot go to a detox or rehab because of school, and because of other reasons I can't share in this post. Before I hit in the morning I feel terrible, very sick. Is it possible? Or am I basically doomed to waste the year of school which I did everything to hold onto? I really hate this addiction now. I feel terrible that I let this happen to myself and often feel incredibly hopeless. I cannot lose this opportunity to work when certified by the association which accredits my school; it has meant everything to me and finally makes me feel like a worthwhile person.
Thank you.
Please tell me what you think. Thank you so much.
