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can homosexuality be a choice?

Wolfmans_BrothEr

Wolfmans_BrothEr

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 23, 2011
Messages
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The argument I hear all the time is that homosexuals are born that way, it's natural they didn't choose to be gay

But whenever I've heard that I've said to myself why can't it be a choice?

Like I've heard gay people argue over the fact of whether it's a choice or not, but I think...why? Who cares whether it's a choice or not, what's the difference?

I mean, there has to be someone out there who started out straight and realized theyd rather be gay..I'm not talking about just being in the closet, I'm talking about having a shit ton of failed relationships only to try their shot with the same sex?

Am i crazy for thinking someone can choose who they're attracted to? I'm not gay so I cant really say definitely yes or no
 
the problem with this argument, besides promoting homophobia (not accusing you of it, but this type of argument is exactly what christian hate groups use), is that you are attracted to who you are attracted to. To use an analogy, if you were not attracted to people with buck teeth, itd be pretty hard (and pretty ridiculous) to suddenly decide that that is all you are attracted to. I'm using a rather silly analogy to prove a point, but I think it stands anyway.
 
The argumnet that sexual attraction is hardwired also has some problems. You cannot easily dismiss that role that socialization has on sexual behavior. I mean what makes me heterosexual, my attraction to breast and vaginas? Was I born with an attraction to certain anatomical features?
I think I was born with a sex drive and how I express it is shaped by my experiences.
 
^^I would agree with this, but it is still not a choice, persay, any more than any of our other, nonsexual preferences. Of course, these preferences can change over time, but, to use another analogy, if you don't like brocolli, you can chose to eat it (or chose to have a homesexual experience) but you won't immediately fall in love with it.
 
But if you put enough cheese on it, it might not be that bad :). Joking aside, an aversion to brocolli is th result of a bad experience that you had with it. It is not based on a biological factor.
 
The reason (or-one of) that the 'choice' argument is so offputting is that it insinuates that a person can choose to NOT be gay, and just decide to be attracted to the opposite sex, happily. Often, used by religious folk: who say if you want to honor God (*disclaimer- I am aware that not all religions [etc] have this belief) you must (and are simply able to) change your sexual preference - heterosexual.

However- this is not the case. As a bisexual woman I know this is not possible. You are attracted to males or females or both at birth. Realizations just take time (+life experience) to develop. I was w/ men until ("officially"--been w/ bith sexes my whole life) I was ~20. At which point I had a 5 yr relationship w/ a woman. IF bisexual IN A SENSW you can choose to live what appears to be a straight or 'gay' life... but not really. You don't choose who you fall for.
 
Of course you choose who you fall for! We all have our own criteria that determines who we have relationships with.
 
Definitely a choice for many.

I just started dating a girl who's been a lesbian her whole adult life. I thought she was just curious what all the hubbub was about. You know. Dick. Turns out she's watched (straight) porn for years. For her it seems like it was more about a sense of belonging, a scene. Her mom is a lesbian also, she's a musician, went to art school. It was 'in' to munch rug i guess.
 
zapatista said:
But if you put enough cheese on it, it might not be that bad :). Joking aside, an aversion to brocolli is th result of a bad experience that you had with it. It is not based on a biological factor.
Click to expand...

that was kinda my point. Im unsure if everyone is hardwired to prefer one sex or the other (or both). And actually my personal belief is that its not three camps, but more of a continuum that we all fall along. Regardless though, I am inclined to believe that this isn't something we are born with, as identical twin studies have found cases where one twin is gay and one straight. I am more in the camp of early experiences shape this. This is also the way most ssexual fetishes are developed, in very early childhood. However, it is impossible which experiences will have what effect on a specific individual, so even the "choice" of the parents to try and drive a child into heterosexuality (or homosexuality, or whatever) will usually be futile.
 
NomNomNom said:
Definitely a choice for many.

I just started dating a girl who's been a lesbian her whole adult life. I thought she was just curious what all the hubbub was about. You know. Dick. Turns out she's watched (straight) porn for years. For her it seems like it was more about a sense of belonging, a scene. Her mom is a lesbian also, she's a musician, went to art school. It was 'in' to munch rug i guess.
Click to expand...

This isnt true homosexuality though. This is having homosexual sex, and like you said, belonging to a group, having an identity. There is a difference that needs to be established between having a (or many) experience with a person of your same gender and being ultimately attracted to people of your same gender over that of the other gender.
 
People can go through the motions on just about anything.They can convince themselves of things that aren't true also.

I think some people are more decidedly in a fixed position as gay, straight, or bi.The fixedness of various people regarding sexuality probably involves psycho-social as well as biological (genetic factors, conditions in the womb, gene expression, etc). Some of the bad feelings about an argument that people can choose is that it supports things like reparative therapy and social forcesthat would pressure people to change.
 
^well men are naturally hardwired to see large breasts or curved women as attractive b.c they could better suit a child, which is the whole foundation of life. So our bodies are born with the natural response to certain body types or sex w.e, but it's only on really minute things
 
zapatista said:
If its biological, what exactly makes women/ men/ both attractive?
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One of the theories about right or left handedness is that there is a right handed gene but there isn't a left handed gene. People who are bisexual may not have significant psychosocial or innate factors that strongly incline one either way or create any impediments to sexual involvement with either gender. Its not impossible though that there are causal factors genetic or otherwise that cause bisexuality. Sorry, nothing but speculation here.
 
zapatista said:
I mean what makes me heterosexual, my attraction to breast and vaginas? Was I born with an attraction to certain anatomical features?

I think I was born with a sex drive and how I express it is shaped by my experiences.
Click to expand...

there are more aspects of sexual attraction than what you can physically see and are aware of. there was a great article rantNrave posted in SLR (but it appears to be pruned!) that explained the science behind subconscious sex appeal. for instance, heterosexual women were asked to smell the sweat from the t-shirts of several different men. those scents they found most favorable were those of men that were genetically dissimilar and those scents that were unfavorable were from men that were genetically similar (in some cases their brother or father). if the women were on BCP, however, they preferred the scents of those genetically similar.

my point is that there is more at play concerning sexual attraction than a preference for one gender's fun bits.
 
I think that your sexuality is a result of many choices influenced by environment and maybe, genetics. I've gleaned this from my own experience(s).

I feel that there was a point in which I chose to live out life as a hetrosexual, but there are plenty of people that apparently know myself better than I do and will tell me that I'm bisexual and I'm just repressing part of myself.
 
rincewindrocks said:
the problem with this argument, besides promoting homophobia (not accusing you of it, but this type of argument is exactly what christian hate groups use)
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They still use the same argument for 'inferiority' if it's not a choice. Their reasoning is "if they were born that way they're born naturally less than heterosexuals." There's no winning with the Christian Right.
 
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