So I used to abuse gabbys about a year and a half ago. I took large doses between 6-15 grams. I used them for months, then quit with no wd or anything. Flash forward to November 2018, I'm prescribed 11.4mg zubsolv (i usually only take 5.7mg a day, but i snort it) and my doc has been prescribing me 2400mg gabby a day, which i havent taken for a year and a half so i have a LARGE stockpile. I decided to start taking the gabbys recreationally again. I started by taking the prescribed amount, and eventually built it up to an average dose of 6-9 grams, which i would only take every other day. this went on for about 5-6 weeks, until i stopped the day before christmas. For the first time I started to feel some withdrawal effects like severe depression, severe aggitation especially at irrational times, and insomnia. These are common symptoms of wd from what i read online, however it said that wd lasts 5-10 days. By day 10 my symptoms were worse, and i was experiencing symptoms that didnt match up with gabapentin wd. My memory is SEVERELY damaged, both short term and long term. I feel extremely stupid, i cant remember basic words, i cant carry a sentence, I'll forget what im doing when im doing the simplest of tasks. I have absolutely no desire to do anything, i cant even watch tv or listen to music. i cant concentrate on anything long enough. it's like my brain isnt processing information. This happens all day long, and every time it happens it sends me into a whirlwind of anxiety and dread that i caused irreparable damage to my brain and I'll never be normal again. Also i've been having constant jaw pain since i quit that feels like TMJ. when i hit day 10 cold turkey and the symptoms were getting bad, I decided to take 1200mg to see if the symptoms were caused by withdrawal. The symptoms not only didnt stop, but i just feel that dizziness from taking the gabbys on top of it. The past couple days i've been taking the prescribed dose of 2400mg a day, but the symptoms are still just as bad. i saw my suboxone doc 2 days ago, and she said that its most likely from the wd, that my brain is adjusting, but she doesnt know much about gabbys. i saw my family doc today and she was absolutely no help. She did give me some solace that i most likely didnt cause any brain damage, but i asked for her to set up an appointment for an MRI regardless, but it wont be until next week. I told her that from what i found online i seem to have most of the symptoms of bipolar disorder and she agreed, but she said she has no way to diagnose me so id have to see a psychologist. Im also terrified that I dont have bipolar and its just wd symptoms but the doc puts me on other psych meds that fuck me up even worse. Keep in mind i live in a small town with VERY shitty doctors. I have an appointment with the psychologist thats prescribing the gabbys in 4 days, but i honestly dont konw if i can make it that long. This is honestly my worst fear, to have lost my intellect and be cognizant of what i have lost. I'm living in my personal hell, and i often feel like i'd rather be dead than live like this. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated, I feel utterly hopeless. Im not trying to sound cocky but before all this I was a very intelligent person, I was witty with a steel trap memory. I've never had any mental issues in the past like this and i'm 32. I dont know if I'm really mentally ill or if the gabbys are causing this.