Can anyone tell me what went wrong?!

[ThreeBears]

Hi guys,
I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible... but I also feel like I need to go into enough detail for you all to get a clear picture. So here goes!

I tried MDMA for the first time approximately a year ago. Now, almost a year later, around my sixth time, I had a bad night on it. I'll explain briefly what each of my experiences have been like, to give you some context. If you want to skip to my bad experience, go ahead to number 6...

1st time: Predictably, absolutely incredible. My friends had let me in on their little secret and we'd planned my first time carefully... it was in an amazing club where it seemed like every single stranger was doing it too. It took hours to kick in, I was starting to think it wasn't going to happen, and for that reason my friends let me take three separate bombs (over like three hours, so they assured me it was fine... not sure about this now, but hey)... then eventually it did, and oh my goodness. I was gone. Hours passed, I just danced, smiling my face off, constantly, blissfully humming out loud with pleasure. For the most part, this night was perfect. I did throw up at the end... just slightly too much for a first time, but in general it was amazing, and I regret nothing. I still smile thinking about it.

2nd time: House party setting, another phenominal night. A lot of chatting with my friends, and hugging - I really love how it brings people closer together. With regards to that and that alone, this was my favourite time.

3rd, 4th, 5th times: More house parties. All good, though not AS amazing.

6th time: This is where it went wrong. My friend and I went to a club, I hadn't been before but he had. I was really excited, as it was going to be my first MDMA club experience since my first time. I should say here that this is the only time (up until this point) I had tried pills - before, it had always been crystals. The pills, my friend assured me, were great, he had used them himself and so had his friends. To be on the safe side anyway, in case they were quite strong, I took just half a pill. He started with one. HIS night was perfect, he was absolutely fine...
For ME, the first fifteen minutes (once I'd come up) were spectacular. It was perfect, felt almost like one of my first times, I was flying, real euphoria and a great sensation of touch, empathy etc etc. I was dancing and chatting on and off to my friend. I would GUESS I only had this for about fifteen minutes - I was so surprisingly high that time kind of vanished, but it definitely wasn't long. Then something just didn't feel quite right. I started feeling quite hot, and I started getting these waves of discomfort. It's very hard to describe the feeling accurately, but the best way I can explain it is like these SURGES... surges of heat, slight nausea, and a weird feeling in my head, like my brain was saying "AHHH, TOO MUCH!"
In spite of this, I THINK I was still feeling relatively calm. I tried to dance through the sensation, but after a few minutes I moved hastily to the bathroom, in case I was sick. I shut myself in a cubicle and stood in there, dancing. I told myself the most important thing was to stay calm and just relax, and ride it out, so I closed my eyes and danced in the cubicle, trying to ignore the horrible surging. I really can't stress enough how horrible this feeling was... each surge was like, pressure inside my head, and I felt like I was either going to be sick or pass out, I didn't know. It also felt vaguely related to my stomach, somehow.
Anyway, I did my best to dance it away, but after a few minutes of this I remember just shaking my head as if to say NOPE, dropping to my knees in front of the toilet and retching. I was never actually sick, just felt really nasty. I knelt there in the cubicle in front of the toilet for about twenty minutes, praying I'd feel better. My friend hadn't followed me in because I was in the ladies toilets, and I didn't have my phone on me (bit stupid). At this point I suppose I did feel vaguely panicky, as I imagined if I passed out (or worse) what my parents would say when they found out.
Weirdly, in spite of all this, I still had the amazing sensation of touch... I remember stroking my hair as I was sitting there, dimly aware it still felt amazing, no matter how horrible the rest of me felt. :D

Anyway, after about twenty minutes (though it seemed like a lifetime) the feeling seemed to be passing. I remember thinking my hand on the cool metal of the toilet bowl felt like it was helping slightly. I was able to take myself back through to the club and explain to my friend. I felt much better for about ten minutes, but when the surging started again, I told my (very disappointed) friend that we had to leave. We walked back to his place and we spent the rest of the night chilling and chatting. Considering I'd been so ridiculously high for the first fifteen minutes or so, after my bad experience it was like I was suddenly relatively sober again. It was almost like the drugs had dissolved super fast, and the rush had lasted a tenth of the time it should have, which made it super powerful and overwhelming for my brain. I presume this isn't remotely possible, but that's what it felt like.


Right... so basically if anyone has any insight about this I would be so so appreciative - I've done it a few times since, and although I've never had a repeat of the experience, I've had brief moments (usually less than a minute at a time) where it felt like it was starting to happen again. It's like my brain remembers and it won't let it go. Very frustrating, because I want to be able to enjoy it like I did before the bad night.

Finally I'll quickly offer a few of my own theories as to what could have gone wrong...
1. For about three days before the night out, I took one 5htp capsule a day. This was on the advice of my friend - he kind of insisted, actually - as he said it would make for a much better night as I'd be all stocked up on serotonin. Could this (pre-loading, I think it's called?) have made the high too intense and made my brain freak a bit??
2. Could there have been something else in the pills? All I've ever done is MDMA so if anyone reads this and thinks it sounds like it could have been speed or something else, please let me know!
3. Even though I THOUGHT I was really chilled out beforehand, could it be I just got overwhelmed with the high and had a kind of freak out? I kept myself hydrated and stuff but maybe the club was too hot etc...

Sorry it ended up kind of long. Any advice would be amazing, I need to know how to prevent this from ever happening again!!
Thanks!

 

[alasdairm]

did you test the pills? if not, you could have ingested anything and nobody here can tell you what went wrong (aside from your ingesting an unknown substance).

alasdair

 

[ThreeBears]

Thanks for your quick reply. My friend did test the pills, but only with a kit that told him the kind of MAIN substance, apparently. So, they were predominantly MDMA, but they could have contained something else.

 

[Mazzab]

Thanks for your quick reply. My friend did test the pills, but only with a kit that told him the kind of MAIN substance, apparently. So, they were predominantly MDMA, but they could have contained something else.

Did you check the databases? Where they pressed pills?

 

[ThreeBears]

Yeah they were "Nintendo Allstars" (hope I'm allowed to say that here)

 

[TheCuriousOne]

Are you on any medications? SSRI's?
Have you been taking other drugs not long time ago?

Do you have any kind of anxiety in your sober state?

Try to describe what caused this creeped up feeling of yours later?
What was your mindset before taking the drug in all honesty? Were you already exhausted at the time of ingestion?

 

[ThreeBears]

TheCuriousOne:
I'm not on any other medications except the pill, which I usually skip when I'm taking MD even though I know it doesn't effect it... I just like to keep things simple. Like I said in my description, I did preload for three days (then skip a day before the actual night out) with 5-HTP. I won't ever be doing this again, just in case this was the cause.

In my sober state I do have slight anxiety in certain situations, but in all honesty that particular night I felt more calm before taking the drug than I had ever felt beforehand... I was excited, but chilled out and looking forward to the night. I had been a bit nervous before I got to the club I think, but that had vanished long before the come up.

Do you think it sounds psychological? This seems fairly plausible to me, because even though that night I believe it may have been induced by preloading (though this is obviously just a guess), the two times I've done it since then I've felt the beginnings of that bad feeling happening again, and I didn't pre-load... that suggests it's maybe all in my head. But that's a real bummer, cos it's much harder to fix, if that's the case! In the times SINCE the incident I've discovered that talking helps the bad feelings go away - just blabbering to my friends about any old nonsense, even if it's the last thing I feel like doing... usually when the bad feeling starts my instinct is to go straight to the bathroom in case I'm sick, which does feel like a possibility.
Could it be I'm just still relatively new to this, and I need to learn how to handle coming up better??

 

[epic11]

http://www.pillreports.com/index.php?page=display_pill&id=33218

These?

 

[ThreeBears]

Yep, that's the ones.

 

[pbuilder]

You took 5htp the day of? That could have messed with the high, although I've read this usually just dulls it slightly.

Otherwise, if your pill was proper mdma as it appears, maybe you just had a panic attack for some reason. I'd wait 3 months before attempting to use mdma again, and maybe try an alcoholic drink or three on the come up. It should make the transition into your roll more smooth ( don't drink too much, it will dehydrate you and dull the roll, but 3 beers or drinks should be find )

The surges sound kinda like "brain zaps", so maybe the 5htp if you took it the day of caused some minor serotonin weirdness.

Brain zaps are a symptom that usually presents itself if you are abusing mdma or other serotonergic drugs, also common I've read if you're on ssri anti depressants and stop taking em. But both those scenarios obviously don't fit your case.

Were these surges accompanied by feelings of dread and dysphoria?

Just found this thread, I'd say the 5htp was the culprit. Save the 5htp for the mid week blues a day or two after your mdma use. Supplementing it before might be helpful but I'd stopping supplementing it 3 days before your planned roll.
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/466830-mdma-5htp-brain-zaps

 

[ThreeBears]

Hey pbuilder, thanks for your reply.
I'm not sure they were brain zaps, just from what I've read about zaps they sound a lot more sudden and 'electric' than the kind of constant waves I was getting. I didn't have any noticeable feelings of dread or dysphoria, in fact I'd say I felt REASONABLY in control of my mind, just bothered by the unpleasant physical symptoms, and after they'd been happening for several minutes I did start to panic a bit I guess... It's hard to say. I do agree that 5htp very possibly caused or at least contributed to the problem.

I agree with you that it could have been largely psychological. Sometimes even just thinking about MDMA makes me feel nervous and fluttery, which is weird and frustrating because I love it and until recently had never had a bad experience... I think my brain is just prone to slight anxiety. I do notice that after a glass of wine or two I can think about it without any worry, so you're probably right that a few beers would help for the come up!