Can anyone help with my addiction

[megd23]

Hi everyone Im new and its nice to finally have an account after reading you guys for a long time. I've searched the forums up and down but would just like some new answers to my ???s I've been using bars on and off since 16. I'm 20 years old now. For the past year I have also been using opiates: roxys, norcos, OP60s and OP 80s. I've also been doing h the past four days in a row.

I feel like I have no control over my drug use. I make decent money and have my own apartment, and I love it. To top it off I am probably considered an alcoholic considering I drink almost every day. My DOC is bars but my bf prefers the opiates so we do a lot of those together. I have quickly developed a tolerance to opiods and I need to quit. My bf has the strength to quit on the spot for 2 weeks at a time, and I wish I could do that too. the most I can go is about 3 days clean. ON the fourth day, I snap and can't handle it and pick up a blue, which is completely over priced and although it feels amazing at the moment I know its not worth it.

I have a great GPA and work hard at my job. But at 18$/hr I'm wasting all my money on rent, comcast, comed, pop, and drugs. i need to stop and better myself but I'm scared. I quit for 3 days and my bf who lives with me had to see the wrath of me which I feel so bad for taking it out on him. I think my xanax dependecy/withdrawl makes me feel suicidal or not worth it. it just fucks with my head.

Just looking for some help anyways, and introducing myself and my story.

 

[cg9256]

Hey meg, wow this situation sounds strangely familiar . Welcome to bluelight and I hope that you can get all the help you need from the people on here, Im sure plenty of them have been through similiar situations. Or maybe theyll move this somewhere where you can get even more help. Anyways good luck and welcome!

 

[The Doc.]

Hey there welcome we are here to help. Let me know what you need if you want or if you just need some support and kind words go ahead and PM me I have been through quite a struggle addiction wise with heroin and pharmaceuticals. I enjoy helping fellow addicts as best I can as it helps me in my recovery as much as much as it helps the other person. I'm currently going to school to work as a drug and alcohol counsler at the detox or somewhere else where I can talk with addicts and help then tbrought there tines of darkness like others did with me. I Would like to work in the local detox cause they all know me by name I've been in there so many times.

 

[bronson]

Welcome to the forums. Be sure to check out Sober Living & The Opioid Withdrawal Megathread and FAQ.

Best of luck with your recovery, and if you have any questions about how the forum software functions, don't hesitate to use the PM me link in my signature below.

 

[megd23]

Hey thanks for your response and I appreciate your support. I'm not quite sure how everything here on bluelight works as a member. I'm trying to navigate my way through haha. My question to you is how you put your addiction to a end. I quit smoking weed when I got caught up back away at Iowa State, but that was bcuz I had too. I had no problem nipping weed in the butt, but these pills are killing me. I don't know if it's that fact of my boyfriend living with me and being surrounded by temptations. My method for quitting weed was eliminating all my connections to it and it worked. The thing is my dealer overcharges & my bf opened my eyes to that guy was a rip off. On the other hand, my bf can get sick deals he was getting dialaudid 8mg for $$$ and OP80s for $$$ but now that he is quitting I feel/want to be on the same page as him. Unfortunatley, a guy kiddie corner from my apartment sells bars and I give him my WIFI password in exchange for drugs.. Sorry if i'm posting this in the wrong area. I'm just a newbie to this.

Thanks,
Meg

 

[The Doc.]

I just realized what PM meant but i posted in my original directed to you

Hey thanks for your response and I appreciate your support. I'm not quite sure how everything here on bluelight works as a member. I'm trying to navigate my way through haha. My question to you is how you put your addiction to a end. I quit smoking weed when I got caught up back away at Iowa State, but that was bcuz I had too. I had no problem nipping weed in the butt, but these pills are killing me. I don't know if it's that fact of my boyfriend living with me and being surrounded by temptations. My method for quitting weed was eliminating all my connections to it and it worked. The thing is my dealer overcharges & my bf opened my eyes to that guy was a rip off. On the other hand, my bf can get sick deals he was getting dialaudid 8mg for 7$ and OP80s for 20$ but now that he is quitting I feel/want to be on the same page as him. Unfortunatley, a guy kiddie corner from my apartment sells bars and I give him my WIFI password in exchange for drugs.. Sorry if i'm posting this in the wrong area. I'm just a newbie to this.

Thanks,
Meg

No need to apologise your learning faster than I did
Now expecting quitting drugs like opiates, bars and booze to be similar to weed is very much underestimating the power these drugs can hold on the brain its not anything like quitting pot.

I had to stop smoking pot many times for various reasons and each time it was not very hard just a want for the pot it wasn't this mind consuming powerful urge to use it 24/7 basically doing a few activities a day is enough to keep your mind off the pot.

Now when ever I've gone into detox for opiates though its been absolute hell on earth for one month followed by P.A.W.S. which can last for years after quitting the best way to describe it is being tortured slowly everyday for years not fun. But it is possible to be in revovery its just something you need to work at for the rest of your life you can never say I'm cured of addiction its always in your brain waiting to be switched back on like flipping a light switch to on from being off.

I never wanted to believe that which is why I ended up back in detox so many times I didnt want to face the fact that I could never use drugs like a normal person again. It wasn't until I heard a quote in AA that I understood my addiction a little better. It goes like this.

Think of beating an Addiction as watching a big ship sail away from a dock the ship represents addiction.
At first the ship is massive, overwhelming and all you can focus on since you can't see past it.
As time goes on the ship sails away as the years go by it slowly gets smaller and smaller and easier to manage as time goes on.
This ship though never leaves our sight fully even 30-40 years later you can still see it as a little speck in the distance but its still there for as long as you live and are in recovery.
As slow as this ship sails away it comes back to bite you in the ass in the snap of a finger if you ever relapse. If you relapse you end up bringing the ship right back to the beginning leaving you dependent once again and leaving you to have to start the journey of recovery all over once again.

I really liked this saying for some reason I hope you do to

To stay sober you need to change just about everything in your life cause anything from your old life can bring back strong urges to use again.
For example let's say you always got high at home in your living room when you got home from work while watching TV. If this is the case then every time you come home from work and sit down and watch TV you will have this incredibly intense urge to use your drug of choice that will most likely kick your ass and make you use drugs to be free from the anxiety you feel.

This is why you need hobbys and new activities in your life. New relationships are important too or reconciliation with old friends you may have lost from drug use. But if you hand around with a boyfriend who uses all day (even secretly) then your setting yourself up for failure. Meet new people who won't condone you using drugs or being high around them and tell them you are going through a rough time and need support.

Well I'm going to bed I'll talk to you tomorrow mabye give me some more information on your addictions and what exactly you used how long and whatnot so I can better help you there's lots to learn stick with me I'll be there every step of the way if you like.

 

[GettingClean]

I'm in a similar situation.... been clean almost 3 weeks now on the third or fourth time trying to get sober off opiates over the last 6 years or so and I'm finally starting to have moments of feeling at peace with my addiction and Being sober. The getting clean (physical withdrawal ) is way easier than staying clean which is why you really need to want to be sober bad before you can actually get sober. Making small changes in my life and my choices is the only way I'm making it....getting coffee instead of scoring on my way to work, going for a hike instead of getting high. The folks here at bluelight have truly been my rock so lean on them!! And going to NA meetings has been a God sent for me too. Somedays it's one minute at a time instead of one day at a time but I'm making it and so can you. It is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done but each day I wake up sober and feel a little bit better. Good luck....