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Can A Loser Ever Win?

T

twyleskyles

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 10, 2012
Messages
73
This is about my life. I am a bipolar/ocd mind freak of a person who hasn't been really stable until recently. I am a long member of the drug scene, was a member of the tail end of the rave scene back in early 2000s. But here's the thing: I was put on an SSRI and another TCA, the TCA didn't work and made me just sleep all the time. I'm two months off that and now on Buproprian and Luvox for OCD. I feel amazing, but for some stupid strange unknown reason I still have to go and smoke meth on the weekends and not allow my meds to work. Why do I do this? How can I stop? Can a loser ever win?
 
Most of my friends were lost in a haze of insanity along the way. Most I ran off b/c of my own insane behavior, but this one keeps hanging out w/me and knows he's the only friend I have, using that to get meth. I still know it's my fault.
 
this isn't really about being a loser or winning. You have to find something else to do on the weekends. If you're just smoking meth to hang out with a friend then maybe that friendship isn't worth making your life unstable.
 
Dude, just go to a couple NA or AA meetings. Saved my life. You are led back to the drugs through an obsession of the mind. The rest is justification and noise that blocks you from your true self. Get with some people who know what it's like.
 
twyles, in reading this whole thread I keep almost wincing when you put yourself down with such negative language. You are not a loser. There is nothing to win. Everything out there from relationships to work to happiness is yours to define. When you accept all the narrow definitions modern culture would have you believe and you see yourself failing to fit into those, it is easy to fall into seeing yourself as a failure. Turn that perception on its head by turning your language around. You are bipolar and OCD? I don't know if it's just coincidence or not but most of my favorite people deal with one or both of those.They don't have to define you. They are two facets of your complex reality. compassion for yourself is one of the hardest things in the world to develop but when you do you will experience such an ease in the world that it will surprise you.<3
 
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