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Calling all experienced Xanax users

Cohesion

Cohesion

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
1,069
Location
Portland, OR
**Edited to add: Do not respond to the Opening Post without reading the rest of (or at least the last page) of this thread. Thanks!


New here. I'm a forum junkie, but never stumbled upon this place.

In the past, I took Klonopin & Xanax recreationally. Once I got the prescriptions, I abused them. Bad. If I have a bottle, I.cannot.control myself. So I take them every day. Sometimes they have the intended effect & adequately control my anxiety so I can function. Other times something else happens (like falling asleep or eating too much).

It is 4:30 am (can't sleep) and I'm already planning the best time to take my dose.
I'm pleased to see that the general consensus for you experienced users is don't. dose. benzos. daily. And it's true. My mind knows this. Buuut... I'm a total addict..I feel like I'm back "in" with the doctors with really no reason to stop me. I got off the pills for 2 years while pregnant/nursing. I am still nursing, but she is 18 months so I am not worried about the small amount of drug she gets from my milk. But maybe I should be.

So when you read this thread, it seems that I use the xanax for everyday anxiety (and catch a buzz while at it), NOT panic. I asked for Xanax ER because I can't handle myself with a straight up xanax high. The ER puts me into a dreamy mode, and I need longer than a 2 hour window to get ahold of myself.

Almost every time I dose a large amount of benzo (1.5-2 mg), I have uncontrollable emotions (crying, depression) the next day. I'm posting here RN because

1. I need real-talk. Don't be nice to me. Tell me what you think of my situation based on YOUR experience - why not to get started on monthly scripts again.
2. Other thoughts on breastfeeding and drug use (marijuana + xanax).


Thanks, kiddos. Glad to be here.
 
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Id take .5 each day, 2 mg the first day is just catching a buzz,well maybe not with your tolerance, but with benzos you wanna avoid seizures so , try to do it as slow as possible, hope things go well,.
 
mami said:
New here. I'm a forum junkie, but never stumbled upon this place.

In the past, I took Klonopin & Xanax recreationally. Once I got the prescriptions, I abused them. Bad. If I have a bottle, I.cannot.control myself. So I take them every day. It is 4:30 am (can't sleep) and I'm already planning the best time to take my dose. So far this time I've taken:

What should "stop me" is my past experience!! Don't do the same thing and expect different results....

I only have 3 mg left, and probably won't see a psych doctor until May 5. Almost 2 weeks. I KNOW I should taper (to avoid those terrible emotions).

2 mg today
.5 mg tomorrow
.5 mg the following day? Sound reasonable?
Click to expand...

Hi there!

Addressing your tapering question: I think the drop from 2mg to 0.5mg will be too painful. This is how I'd do it:

Today: 1mg
Tomorrow: 1mg
Day after: 1mg

I'm living, breathing proof of how addictive benzos are and how you should try to get off them asap.

Sure, they make you feel like magic (or at least they did with me: started with lorazepam and rapidly progressed onto alprazolam, clonazepam and diazepam).

My benzo addiction ruined my life and caused untold pain to my nearest and dearest. The withdrawals from a heavy habit make heroin withdrawals look like a walk in the park.

There's a very helpful UK-run site http://www.benzo.org.uk/ which is well worth a poke around.

Best of luck and if you have any further questions or just fancy talking to someone who's been there please PM me or post again in this thread.

Love and best wishes, Dhcdavid :)
 
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Well, you knew there was no convincing when I wrote "2 mg today". I took it some time ago and it sure doesn't compare to the bars I WAS taking the last few weeks.

Yeah I'm happy to have found this forum.. we need to be able to talk about these things anonymously. Can't lay it out there with these folks:

- Doctor
- Therapist (to an extent)
- Blood family
- Spiritual community

At least HERE we can come together here a la Doctors w/o Borders - minus the Doctors.. or are there some of those here, too? I bet.

Clearly, I stand at a turning point. I'm set to hit my appointment & my dear CVS for my xanax.. I'm in love, what can I say. :( Believe me when I say it's in my BLOOD. Just ask my mom - wait NM can't talk to her anymore... ykwim......

A few of you (dhcdavid) mention wanting to DITCH the benzos ASAP (aka. - not getting on the Benzo train at all.) RN on the other side of the fence - I'm so looking forward to the Psych intake on 5/5. Someone here said "don't take a benzo habit lightly". On the one hand, DUH. On the other, I need to articulate my actions this time (with you fine folks) around so that I don't get back in on it without REALLY feeling the logic of the right/wrongness of what I'm about to CHOOSE to do. I'm not willing to share what's at stake in my life (that's blog material, right)? But I CAN.NOT. continue to let drugs destroy my higher thinking. My primary battle isn't even this - it's weed. 8)/

My ideal state is no drugs, alcohol, or mind-altering substances, except in the RARE medical condition that would require it.

Thoughts?
 
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mami said:
Almost every time I dose a large amount of benzo (1.5-2 mg), I have uncontrollable emotions (crying, depression) the next day. I'm posting here RN because

1. It's 4.30 a.m. & no one else is up
2. I need real-talk. Don't be nice to me. Tell me what you think of my situation based on YOUR experience.
3. Other thoughts/advice? I need it :)

I only have 3 mg left, and probably won't see a psych doctor until May 5. Almost 2 weeks. I KNOW I should taper (to avoid those terrible emotions).

2 mg today
.5 mg tomorrow
.5 mg the following day? Sound reasonable?

Thanks, kiddos. Glad to be here.
Click to expand...

that a really small taper. just be aware you will still most likely have some withdraw effects. the severity i don't know. but maybe this would suit you a little better.

1st day 1mg
2nd day .75mg
3rd day .50mg
4th day .50mg
5th day .25mg

just a thought. and maybe if you get a couple doses of kolonopin it might help due to it longer half life.

i totally sympathize with you. my self having panic disorder but also a addictive personality there was no way i could not abuse my benzos. people always say benzos lack euphoria but being free from anxiety and panic for a few hours id euphoric in it self.

i think you have a great chance at stooping your abuse of benzos. maybe if you told you doc he might be nice and help you with a diazepam taper plan.

i went from 10-14mgs doses of clonazepam & alprazolam mix five times a week, for probably a good year.. i'm am in no way bragging, at all. it's actually really hard for me and kinda of embarrassing to come out with the severity of my abuse. as i hid it from everybody. but i am down to 3-4 of clonazepam twice a week. i sill have a bit to go but as you see i have made some good progress.

although opiates have been a tremendous help in me getting this far. especially morphine which has some great anxiolytic effects. i'm no way recommending this but it was best for me because i knew my bezno abuse would just get worse and opiates helps take the edge off. at least opiate withdraws don't make me fell like i'm on the verge of seizure or heart attack the way benzos do.


just know it can be done. my best wishes to you.
 
I took my last .6 mg. Now I have .4 for tomorrow. Oh well. I never tapered before, why start now. I'm an optimist; seizures are the last of my concerns.

My pattern is to ignore "as directed", run out & have a few awful days, and then dose again. 2-3 mg for 3 days in a row is what I'm looking at starting up. And I don't remember the Xanax ER not being this "rewarding", either. Though as I mentioned, the effect is lengthier which is the key point here.

Thanks for your support. Thankfully there are lots of us around here. Good job on cutting back. It's such a process, yeah?
 
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I don't see how 1.5-2mg is a large dose.
Every time I've taken benzos it's been Xanax or its generic, alprozolam, and I've taken at least 6mg. One time I even took 15mg. I blacked out the entire day. If you get through those three days on 1mg each than obviously you're capable of taking the recommended dose and no more.

If not maybe you could tell your doctor you ain't feeling good and get larger pills. Xanx comes in 2 - 4mg bars.
 
^Snooze, it's not about dicksizing here, 2mg a day can cause substantial WD.

I just came off of Xanax 2mg a day and I only went down to 1mg a day then swapped to valium. However my situation is different than yours. Eventhough I have the valium as a replacement I can still feel the "xanax wd" a little. I wish you the best of luck in this. Take what you have and taper down as little as you can with what you have until its gone. Then be done with it if that's what you want!! Good luck and stay safe!
 
Thanks, y'all.

I might be older than you, and I don't try to get "messed up" on pills. If you need 6-15 mg to get off, check yourself in ;) Everyone knows their own body best. As I mentioned, the 2.5 mg made me too tired to function. And in my life, I have a LOT to get done... plus I'm breastfeeding a beautiful toddler %)

My addiction did get ahold of me, and all I have left for this morning is .4 mg.

Xanax WD for me is psychologicaly- crying, depression, no motivation. But I think I will be just fine.

Once again, glad to be here, I think..
 
Oh hey, I guess I figured out what I am looking for here - I want to read the threads displaying to all of us reasons why not to get back on the Xanax train.. because I have my ticket and I can see my train barreling down the tracks...

I need some level headed advice based on experience... Can anyone direct me to some quality "warning" threads? dhcdavid I'm checking out that UK site.


TIA!
 
You are using Xanax while Breastfeeding? Thank the gods, I didn't breastfeed. ick. You should talk to your dr about this and pediatrician...

Also.. a toddler? If they have teeth they're too old to Breastfeed. ugh gross. You're not one of those creepy extended breastfeeders are you?
 
Hmmm, I'm not sure I feel comfortable discussing this with you (yet) because you seem to be acting a little holier-than-thou ... which TBH I just don't have time for... But if you're sincerely interested in my complicated life feel free to pose your questions a little bit more nicely. I love a friendly debate & discussion!

Now I'm gonna go see if you've responded to my post in your "cigarette-quitting" thread. All the best to ya..
 
mami said:
Oh hey, I guess I figured out what I am looking for here - I want to read the threads displaying to all of us reasons why not to get back on the Xanax train.. because I have my ticket and I can see my train barreling down the tracks...

I need some level headed advice based on experience... Can anyone direct me to some quality "warning" threads? dhcdavid I'm checking out that UK site.


TIA!
Click to expand...

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=497461

That is a link to a thread about why you shouldn't take valium daily. The poster had made many similar posts so there may be some negative comments to the poster in there, but it still has info on negative aspects of benzo use. You can search for the threads about benzos in general, since all effects and withdrawals from benzos are about the same.
 
mami I have seen myself go through a rollercoaster ride of xanax addiction, and am taking the least amount I have in months/years.... I also have seen many other friends go through xanax addiction ... if you would like to talk in detail, feel free to pm me.

edit eek! GL'ers cannot PM, if you want to talk just email me... or respond here.... my email is in my info.
 
Yeah I'd read that one. But I found one thing especially valuable in that thread...

"When trying to figure out if becoming dependent on valium, which is one of the most effective, least unpleasent benzos of them all, you must ask yourself a few questions:
How bad is my anxiety?
If i had them, would I take alot at once to get a big high or take it as perscribed as to keep a low-yet effective- blood level of valium at all time?
Can I afford the medication?
Am i at ease with the fact that this drug will become a major part of my life?
Am i taking it to fix a problem or get a fix?
Click to expand...
 
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