When i wrote that i was kind of sad and longing for the past in a way. My husband has been working hard and i really want to get away but we dont see the time.
One night about five years ago my husband and i were rolling and i had this feeling that these were going to be the best times of my life. Sad ,i thought, nobody ever wants to think that there may be no more nights like these ever.
It was at a time of our lives where we were totally broke- struggling even. Alot of sacrefices were made. Nonetheless, it was an exciting time of our lives as my husband had just gone out on his own and we had the most amazing friends and a life we loved and felt so blessed for despite the fact we were so broke. Our friends owned some nightclubs and they got alot of beans every week and we got ours for free. My husband and i would come home early or not go out at all and roll with each other and stay up all night talking and talking of our dreams. We talked about the vacations we would go on and just how nice it would feel not to worry over bills. This year and a half was the most magical time of my life. I felt on top of the world. I couldnt wait for everything to happen for us.
Five+ years later and i long for those times in our little house. The one we moved from when my husband landed his first big contract with an upscale builder. I have an old purse that the inside smells like that house. Sometimes i take it out and just inhale it and my memory is flooded from memories of those sweet times.
The trips came and they are wonderful. So is paying the bills on time . But all that time i sat there wishing and dreaming of my future, i never thought i'd want to be back at times. But then i think of those nights and know that all of that is another chapter of my life that has been closed.
My husband works all the time. He has to. So much for not selling out and being your own boss. If there's work to do you have to get it done. And that's his name behind it so i understand his need for perfection. We also realized that you cant continue with those kinds of nights forever and his fathers death and the 9/11 combo made us sell our dream home in Orlando and move back down south to where our familes are. Plus, he gets paid more here too. I'm not saying that i want to go back, but i wish i would of savored it more when i did.
I guess i need new dreams now. And i have, but now my dreams include finding ways for my family to survive this future fate and that's hardly a dream. Ha! i guess that's a little deep anyways. Probably shouldnt ever wish for worldly things or the outcome may not always be how you thought.
