its still sureal i think and people dont realise that it is really there. it takes such a long time and it just does not seem real. maybe they should come to africa, the place where i work 2 people have died in the last month and i can see another 2 who will be dead in the next few weeks. i really dont know what could posess people to do stuff like that. from the people who have it it could be anger that someone else gave it to them, but the recievers????
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
"Bug Chasers" Merge
- Thread starter bRoken&foRgoTTen
- Start date
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
I'm bumping this because it's being discussed in detail in the Lounge.
Discuss away here.
Discuss away here.
MynameisnotDeja
Bluelight Crew
Thats really weird...Ive never heard of this before but its pretty creepy.
I have heard of people purposefully infecting others with HIV..that I can sorta understand (well I cant understand it really what I mean is I understand that there are sickos out there that get off on that kind of thing). WHat I cant understand is why anyone would infect themselves.
I have heard of people purposefully infecting others with HIV..that I can sorta understand (well I cant understand it really what I mean is I understand that there are sickos out there that get off on that kind of thing). WHat I cant understand is why anyone would infect themselves.
MynameisnotDeja
Bluelight Crew
Miss Sin Is In said:
Umm...okay that makes sense. I mean, its STUPID, but it makes sense. At least for someone in a very self destructive lifestyle.
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
^ There was an article posted by Darthmom in the lounge thread which explained some bug chasers using HIV as a sort of "russian roulette"- if she reads this hopefully she can copy the article here...its probably a case of complete self destruction combined with the need to rid themselves of the fear of HIV, by infecting themselves deliberately.
Im just as shit scared of HIV as everyone else is, but to seek it out and try to control the virus by capturing it is...insane!
Im just as shit scared of HIV as everyone else is, but to seek it out and try to control the virus by capturing it is...insane!
Yeah I saw a video documantary about this.
There was this one red head young man, I believe 19 years old, he went online and got himself invited to a bug party.
He believed that he was going to get the virus invetbly so he might as well just get it over with it.
He had unprotected sex with many HIV men at the party and later found out he was infected.
After telling his story, he broke into tears cause he said it was biggest mistake he ever made and that he was so young and would live a long and painful life.
It was hearbreaking![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
There was this one red head young man, I believe 19 years old, he went online and got himself invited to a bug party.
He believed that he was going to get the virus invetbly so he might as well just get it over with it.
He had unprotected sex with many HIV men at the party and later found out he was infected.
After telling his story, he broke into tears cause he said it was biggest mistake he ever made and that he was so young and would live a long and painful life.
It was hearbreaking
this is something that i had never heard of until reading this thread. i can't imagine why anyone would engage in such a practice. reading about this really made me sick.
how sad that people possibly feel that they're going to get it anyway, so might as well get it over with. how hopeless
and how fucked up that those who are infected, know what they go through with the disease, and knowingly infect others. i don't care if they're willing recipients- those who are already infected should know better.
just goes to show that even with all the hiv/aids education that's gone on over the past 2 decades, too many people have not been successfully reached yet.
how sad that people possibly feel that they're going to get it anyway, so might as well get it over with. how hopeless
and how fucked up that those who are infected, know what they go through with the disease, and knowingly infect others. i don't care if they're willing recipients- those who are already infected should know better.
just goes to show that even with all the hiv/aids education that's gone on over the past 2 decades, too many people have not been successfully reached yet.
Doppelganger
Bluelighter
I can't believe some of the stuff I wrote in this thread under my old user-name [krc]!
I disagree with it all... I'm shocked that I even thought like that
. It's certainly not a reflection of what I believe these days, man, I can't even remember a time when I thought like that!
I had the 'bug chasers' conversation with friends a few weeks ago, and I told them I'd never heard of people doing this [but obviously I had.]
I disagree with it all... I'm shocked that I even thought like that
. It's certainly not a reflection of what I believe these days, man, I can't even remember a time when I thought like that!I had the 'bug chasers' conversation with friends a few weeks ago, and I told them I'd never heard of people doing this [but obviously I had.]
Chaos Butterfly
Bluelight Crew
This is one of the more disturbing things about gay society.
Other than the thought that they will eventually get it anyway, there is also the idea that HIV+ people in gay society can do no wrong. You can't be mean to them because they are positive, they are already discriminated against for being gay, so we can't discriminate against them more. It's like a massive pity party for all HIV+ men where we have to feel sorry for them, so we give them greater leeway in what is acceptable in society...
I personally think that is a load of crap.
Condoms are your friend people!! Seriously.
The sick, vindictive people who lie about their status and deliberately infect others need to be shot. There have been a couple of cases here in Sydney recently where HIV+ men where date-raping women and stealing shit from them. They are now in jail for quite a long time. And thank fuck for that.
CB.
Other than the thought that they will eventually get it anyway, there is also the idea that HIV+ people in gay society can do no wrong. You can't be mean to them because they are positive, they are already discriminated against for being gay, so we can't discriminate against them more. It's like a massive pity party for all HIV+ men where we have to feel sorry for them, so we give them greater leeway in what is acceptable in society...
I personally think that is a load of crap.
Condoms are your friend people!! Seriously.
The sick, vindictive people who lie about their status and deliberately infect others need to be shot. There have been a couple of cases here in Sydney recently where HIV+ men where date-raping women and stealing shit from them. They are now in jail for quite a long time. And thank fuck for that.
CB.
DarthMom
Bluelighter
here it is.zephyr said:
http://www.alternativesmagazine.com/15/hill.html
very good read!!
if you consider his theory that some of these men lived through the 80's and lost a good majority of their friends that they nursed, and lived through it. it is a traumatic experience...the ptsd theory is very valid imo. my mothers friends in the 80s were a lot of gay men, and my uncle is gay. many of them are gone. the ones that remain are the ones who have been in a commitment and were in it then
aids ravaged the gay community back then, and is still doing it with psychoses like bug chasing. and also, the constant fear that you may get it is gone, it is almost like a relief to finally just have it and move on being POZ. i don't have any friends any longer who are poz, and i am not aware of the new advances, but apparently in this article, the author mentions that a lot of the men after getting it become healthier, due to them being forced to take care of themselves, and according to him, many stop being depressed once getting it! it really is fascinating.
then there are the few egotisitical men who just do it to feel more acceptable in the gay community on a superficial level. that i just don't get. i have grown up in the gay community, and until 5 years ago, was constantly immersed in it, and i never got that impression.
many possibly reasons, but i don't think it should be written off in disgust, but try to understand the reasons behind it. that is the only way it could be stopped.
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Raz
Bluelighter
DarthMom, thanks so much for posting that article...
This is something that's very hard for me to come out and say, but it's important to me that I come out and say it. I found out just over a month ago that I'm HIV positive.
I never consciously chased HIV, I was never a "bug chaser", but I have been very self-destructive for a big chunk of my life and part of that was having unsafe sex. That article you posted struck a big chord with me, because I have been that person....I have been that person with no self-esteem, who felt that I was going to die by my own hand at some point anyway, and so I never cared enough about my own welfare to take the necessary precautions that I should have.
It's only now that those consequences are in my face that I know what I have done to myself. And like it says in that article, I do feel that knowledge has helped me grow. To be honest, I am so much happier and prouder of who I am since I have had to face the consequences of my actions than I was before. And I want to help other people feel the same way.
But part of that is in making sure that people don't have to go through what I went through to feel that way. I'm not a better person because I became HIV+, I'm a better person because I had to face being HIV+. I'm a better person because I got rid of all the extraneous bullshit that we burden ourselves with every day and I looked at who I am underneath it all and I found that when I'm not feeling sorry for myself and when I'm not wanting to be someone other than who I am, I'm a pretty fucking awesome person. All of us are pretty fucking awesome people.
If there is even one person who is reading this who either consciously or otherwise hurts themselves like this, think about it....think about the good things that you have in your life and think about what you would miss out on by not being here. I mean really think about it. Think about what it's going to mean to your friends to bury you, or what it's going to mean for you to not ever be able to have kids. It's a big deal.
If anyone wants to pm me, go for it. If this helps one other person, it has been worth it.
This is something that's very hard for me to come out and say, but it's important to me that I come out and say it. I found out just over a month ago that I'm HIV positive.
I never consciously chased HIV, I was never a "bug chaser", but I have been very self-destructive for a big chunk of my life and part of that was having unsafe sex. That article you posted struck a big chord with me, because I have been that person....I have been that person with no self-esteem, who felt that I was going to die by my own hand at some point anyway, and so I never cared enough about my own welfare to take the necessary precautions that I should have.
It's only now that those consequences are in my face that I know what I have done to myself. And like it says in that article, I do feel that knowledge has helped me grow. To be honest, I am so much happier and prouder of who I am since I have had to face the consequences of my actions than I was before. And I want to help other people feel the same way.
But part of that is in making sure that people don't have to go through what I went through to feel that way. I'm not a better person because I became HIV+, I'm a better person because I had to face being HIV+. I'm a better person because I got rid of all the extraneous bullshit that we burden ourselves with every day and I looked at who I am underneath it all and I found that when I'm not feeling sorry for myself and when I'm not wanting to be someone other than who I am, I'm a pretty fucking awesome person. All of us are pretty fucking awesome people.
If there is even one person who is reading this who either consciously or otherwise hurts themselves like this, think about it....think about the good things that you have in your life and think about what you would miss out on by not being here. I mean really think about it. Think about what it's going to mean to your friends to bury you, or what it's going to mean for you to not ever be able to have kids. It's a big deal.
If anyone wants to pm me, go for it. If this helps one other person, it has been worth it.
Beatlebot
Bluelight Crew
Oh Raz.
My heart goes out to you.
My heart goes out to you.
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
Raz-
Im sorry man. My thoughts are with you.
Im sorry man. My thoughts are with you.
Chaos Butterfly
Bluelight Crew
Seriously man, I'm torn up.
It just hurts so much to hear this.
If you need to chat, you have my number. I'd really like to talk to you.
This makes it more real than anything I have ever read.
CB
It just hurts so much to hear this.
If you need to chat, you have my number. I'd really like to talk to you.
This makes it more real than anything I have ever read.
CB
DarthMom
Bluelighter
wow raz. i am so sorry. i am not going to lie and pretend to begin to comprehend what finding this out would be like. the days i took tests and waited on the results were the scariest days of my life.
i don't mean to sound cliche, but it really isn't a death sentence anymore. hopefully you are one of the people who use it as a positive turn in life, taking stock of everything, like you said you are, and use it for something positive.
amy
i don't mean to sound cliche, but it really isn't a death sentence anymore. hopefully you are one of the people who use it as a positive turn in life, taking stock of everything, like you said you are, and use it for something positive.
amy
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
Raz said:
Spot on, all of it.
You're never given more than you can handle - what this means is that you're an extremely capable person with a unique ability to educate and inform others. Not to mention pretty fucking awesome. Being honest with oneself is such a difficult task. Now you have the opportunity to share your story with others. I see this as another kind of "coming" out for you.
I wish you the absolute best on this new facet of your life path. We are all here for you. And there is much you can do to preserve your health and live an excellent quality of life for many years to come.
The rest I've said privately.
spork
Bluelight Crew
Raz
doofqueen
Bluelighter
oh Raz This is greatly upsetting and i'm so sad to hear it I wish i knew what to say but i'm always useless in these circumstances All my love xxx
This is greatly upsetting and i'm so sad to hear it I wish i knew what to say but i'm always useless in these circumstances All my love xxx
femmme fatal
Bluelighter
I don't understand why anyone would want HIV or AIDS. I've spoken to positive people at educative seminars, and hearing about the drug cocktails and side effects and symptoms... it was horrifying what these people have to go through pain-wise... violent vomiting for days on end.... egads! who would want that?
aj the femme
aj the femme