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Brother Addicted to meth!

knightworrier

knightworrier

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 2, 2009
Messages
145
Location
Some planet
I have a younger brother who for the most of his life was in control and able to function pretty well, He started using on and off since he was 19 he has since left the country and lives in Asia, He seems to be looking skinnier everytime I see him and making up a past that he certainly didn't live abuse etc. He is a very loved child and sibling yet he ignores us at every stop and just wanders from place to place aimlessly it seems. I know his drug past and what is possibly going on but some help would be greatly appreciated. Is there anyway of getting through to him? What has worked for you guys?
In advance, Thank you, Knightworrier.:?
 
Talking calmly and none agressive about his issues, if that's possible.

Does he want help? Because the only one that will want to quit, is him.

Does he seem happy with his life and what his doing?

You might find more help in TDS, it'll be moved over ther perhaps? Not sure if I have the majic to do so....
 
why would he be making up things about his past?

you can't make him stop but you should view him in less of a negative way and try to understand where he's coming from or just love him and understand people go through hard times, and maybe he just needs someone to be real and talk to him with an open mind, and without judgement. maybe he ignores his family because he can sense the way you view him and that would make anyone feel like crap. i know you sound like you care and it's good that you come here for answers. sorry that's all i have to offer for now.

how do you know he's using meth?

hope some bl members can offer some helpful advice, best of luck.
 
Captain Brewster said:
Talking calmly and none agressive about his issues, if that's possible.

Does he want help? Because the only one that will want to quit, is him.

Does he seem happy with his life and what his doing?

You might find more help in TDS, it'll be moved over ther perhaps? Not sure if I have the majic to do so....
Click to expand...

I agree with trying to solve the issue calmly and by doing an intervention without putting him against the wall.
Maybe a family therapist, or a psychologist could really help. After all it´s your brother´s life and he´s probably feeling alone and hopeless.
Even if he does not want to treat his addiction, you should be available in the beginning with open arms if you want him back.
I would look into his "happiness" and whether his is aware of his problem. Is he in denial, would he be willing to cooperate if everyone participates, etc..
It´s a very difficult situation and I wish you good luck!
 
adrenalinerushes said:
why would he be making up things about his past?

you can't make him stop but you should view him in less of a negative way and try to understand where he's coming from or just love him and understand people go through hard times, and maybe he just needs someone to be real and talk to him with an open mind, and without judgement. maybe he ignores his family because he can sense the way you view him and that would make anyone feel like crap. i know you sound like you care and it's good that you come here for answers. sorry that's all i have to offer for now .
Click to expand...

Agreed.
 
I'll give you some more detail, He has been away from his home country 4 plus years and has had minimal contact. He tells me what to believe and I hold no judgement when I do get the rare cahance 2 times in all these years on the phone, First call I was just abused for hours In one ranting telling me I had exactly 23.5 years to live with what drugs I take, I let him get whatever he needed to off his chest and Said I still love you no matter what and you'll always have a place in my home.
I see him torturing himself by surviving on absolute minimal and loosing weight fast I am very worried (It makes me sick sometimes *yes I partly miss him a lot ut on the other hand he has disconnected himself from everything right to the point When we made second contact I had to tell him the family news some great some not, I also had to tell him I was getting heart surgery which he straight away said couldn't be true and denial was his only way and of course the abuse that goes with even a hint of persecution. I told him I would be ok and I explained why it was important.
It is the position he is in, Not doing anything, staying up for days then writing pretty crazy things on the net where many others wonder whats up.
He got married and lives in a odd situation. Most of the time using the money we send him to go to difficult countries, he likes to come back from danger and say see I am a real man. I feel like it's impossible to get through to him on any matter. He says Im of to such a place and does not want to hear back (in pm) He tells me a lot in PM I find out later the rest of my family has heard nothing for a long time.
The things he has said are ridiculous, I have overlooked even the most crazy of things he has said but I am not going to let him believe that reality. I am always here for him I just want him to know it, addiction aside I don't care I just want him to be safe and in control again. I am his only chance in the family.
Thank you for your opinions and answers.
 
He claims to be a negleted and abused childhood and That his (my parents) were always High on cocaine (never ever would my parents take drugs let alone such a costly drug when they were too busy geting him ready for school and events he enjoyed. He also claims they did unspeakable things (which I heard him out but when I really got to the cause of his beliefs they were founded on the fact my Dad had taken a photo of him after a bath where my older siblings and I had given him a mowhawk and asked our dad to take a photo.) he was not naked it was from the neck up and he was wrapped in a towel. (He believes this to be abuse!) He thinks my parents paid off the government so they can work?!? My parents have always been very good to us and continue to be. Yes I am on Bluelight because I do sometimes find I need more information on the drugs I take daily to prevent total collapse. I take Hydromorphone, Clonazepam and Lyrica. I am on Dexamphetamin for ADHD the others are for a more sevre Chronic pain. This is so I can continue doing extreme sports. (Which in my opinion is as dangerous as taking meds sometimes.)
I am not a completely perfect and clean person, I do not have any diseases and apart from my heart and am fairly fit and in good overall health.
Like I say it's not my Brother I am angry at I am frustrated he has let it get this far and that nobody want to believe him which will not help him in the long run, He is very naive. Also believing he can swap meth for opium for a few weeks. I am very worried for him especially the next few weeks. I wish he would do some research instead of telling everyone what a strong man he is. He does dangerous things and does not weigh up the safety and outcomes. I know this because of living the extreme planet x redbull sports for the last 14 years.
I ask him please enjoy life and have fun just be realistic about what you are ready to do. Eg. a week ago he saw some parkour video, Now he thinks he can do what he has seen not even thinking about the individual moves you need to learn before even attempting to do your first jump, continuous free running takes a lot of training, (I know this) But he just wants to proove he can do anything.
I know a lot of the time he is trying to keep up with me - on a competetive level. I feel bad and try to tone things down so he doesn't need to climb a mountain bigger the next week or attempt tight roping because he saw a video for 30secs of me he doesn't see the 600 hours of training behind the video. Since being close to the same age I being the Sister he and I have had a competetive but healthy past together. I would do anything for him as a kid. I never wanted to see him down and would do all sorts to make him feel better if he was down for any reason.
If he listened and understood he would have worked out I actually had more like 3-5 years max left on this planet, Before I knew I was getting heart surgery.
I hope that answered some more questions.
KW
 
Edit. Imaginary reality also consists of him being a spy in a big corperation he says he lives under another name and went to war etc , next story, he says he is a hitman and thats why he doesn't want to tell the family... he has used an ak in a gun club once after that its all bs. Then he says he is a professional internet translator. Says he can speak 25 languages fluently. his fb status' always just used to show people how tough he is. Back here he spent 3 years learning 1 language my parents paid for his classes and helped him with a car n a house.

The so called reality he says he lives in contradicts itself in so many ways.
 
Thank you. I feel this is prrobably my best bet. it's going to be very difficult. Esp the next few weeks. I really hope I hear from him. I am not angry with him I am glad you can see that. I am very worried for him and his mental health. He does not want help and I have not yet even adressed his problem. He has asked if I were suspiciou about him, i calmly replied no, theres no reason to be.'' he was very angry in his reply. He said '' sis you don't have a clue. I know what Im doing and you'll be dead... who cares?'' I still answered I don't care what you say to me, Your my bother and I love you and will always be here for you. If he could control his use there would be far less a problem but it's starting to make him aggressive and even to the point of hitting his wife. I still love him and know the boy behind the drug, A sensative and caring person with a heart for people and animals. I would like to see my brother again some day. :,( I love him unconditionally.... That is why I am here for help. I do not want him to feel at all threatened. I cant stand to see him go through psychosis alone and staying up nights till he gets very angry. Then many people feel his anger and frustrations. Thanks for giving me some good ideas. I don't see how attacking me on here is any help to my brother. It should be no suprise I know partly what he has been going through. Being a bluelighter since 2001 and having to rejoin in 09 I have not had a perfect history. Please understand I am at the end of my rope, With less understanding I just need more. Please understand I just want my brother back (not literally just want to hear him again sick of hearing the drugs talk and abuse me. Peace. KW
 
Does he not agree with the meds your on? Or does he just jump to them after you've had 'talk' about his use?

Be very encouraging about the 'free-running'. tell him he can do ANYTHING, especially things that involve fitness. And that stuff needs fitness to the full degree.

If he got right into it, I think it would take over his drug lifestyle, perhaps, I don't know him personally.

Your love for him shows strong, show it to him, be forgiving and help if he wants it.
Good luck. :)
 
Yes thank you, In the past he has done martial Arts which gave him a very healthy lifestyle he made it all the way to 2nd dan? Which made him feel fulfilled and he could show his success to the family which impressed all of us. He continued to learn more and more after he'd watched me perform for years oon stage doing extreme things, He said he was inspired to try a new sport, This seems to be the best way out of it, I have encouraged him to start running and get into the game, I have also given him videos me and a friend made tohelp him learn. It seem syou know how he feels. and can sympathise with his circumstances. Thank you.

I will continue to only give him my support. (doesn't help my sleepless nights) But I think your right on it here, I think I need to really help him do what he wishes he could do, He certainly has the body for it he just needs to lift his fitness, And you are right it will turn him back to the things he loves and will be in control of his life a lot more again, I know he has to deal with cabin fever a lot of the year which I cannot even come close to understanding (previous years of agoraphoia is as close as I can put it but it's still very different.)

I am his big sis and I will always be here for him, If he moved back and needed a place to live he could come straight to my place and I would give him half my house to live in. I would make sure he had what he needed to start up again here. I know my whole family feels the same, I know inside he knows I will never give up on him even if thats what he thinks he wants. EVery now and then I get a glimpse of the old little bro. That gives me hope. When I knew my heart was going to not last I got very nervous about never seeing him again, Now I am not worried about myself but worried he will never see things as they were and talk to me the way he use to, Even if it were once a year. I know this has made my parents very depressed tho they try hide it it is all they talk about. If my bro knew how much real support he has he would make contact more often. We send him letters and leave messages, We have tried many things to get through to him, 2 things have always brought him back to earth, Us 2 hanging out and sport.
I will try your advice I think it's perfect, Thank you very much. I will try and stay calm while he is away on ''holiday'' there is nothing more I can do. But when he gets back to the net I will help him do the things he wants. He loves to team up with me as I do with him. Thanks, Knightworrier.
 
He doesn't know what meds I am on does not know the difference between opiate and a benzo, He just says it about the dexamphetamine, Saying he has insight and knows exactly how long I will live he has also told me how long each member of the family will live too which I thought was very twisted and morbid also very terrible estimates. He wants to proove he knows more about any given subject than I, That can sometimes get in the way of him listening at all to me. Or even locals that tell him not to do anything stupid just to proove something. Thankls
 
I'm curious how he gets by financially. You mentioned trading meth for opium. Is he making it as he goes, as I imagine he can get the raw materials easy overseas to shake and bake. Or is the family providing money to help him get by. The loss of weight could simply be lack of food if he is broke. Anyhow as has been pointed out love is the best method to reach him. Good luck, and try not to worry to the point that you hurt yourself.
 
What I hear in your posts is worry and I will try to only address that because no one can really know what is happening with your brother (though form your stories it does sound like he has a pretty tenuous grasp on reality--past and present). Worrying is something that has no benefit in the long run--either for him or for you. It is natural to feel it but staying stuck there is what begins to cause more problems. Try to let go of worry by telling yourself that you are only in control of one person: you. Your brother has his own path full of mistakes to make and no one can do more than offer a non-judgmental heart to affect his path in any way. It may feel scary to emotionally detach in this way but in reality it is best for your own health and a healthy, strong you is the best thing for him in his current situation as he depends on you it seems.

It is very hard to watch someone you love self-destructing. Try to have faith that he will come through it. Some people have to live life on the edge to feel alive. I give you a lot of credit for being there for your brother. One thing I would say is that no one in your family needs to be supporting him financially. Giving him a home to come home to is one thing, but sending money more than once in an emergency is another.
 
One huge Thank you, Thank you for hearing my pain in this situation. I think that detatchment is the best thing I have told him I am always here for him can't really do much more. He know that in his heart I am sure. I hope he sees life as it is soon. I always tell him I love him. As long as he knows that I have done what I can. Thank you very much for your thoughtful advice. I will try pass it on to the rest of the family. I could lessen the current stress here in the family. KW

Captain Brewster yes he told me how many years I had to go in one of his late night rantings, he said 23.5 years. I didn't try to correct him, tho I probably should have tried to cut the conversation as it were just going down the crazy path.

I hope he takes care and enjoys what he is doing, course I love him no matter what.
 
I think ya know by now what i think of your brother ;) . Personally i don't think sending someone over there to throw his ass back on a plane and sending him straight to the psych ward or detox would be a bad idea as he is that far gone. He no longer exists in reality from the behavior i have seen not to mention the utter cunt he has been to you and the rest of your family. Not to mention the situation with his wife and yeah the guy needs a fuckin slap.
 
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