FkdItAllUp
Greenlighter
so this is kinda long story, im trying to shorten it a bit for you guys..
this is not a regular post explaing what drugs can do to you but that drugs can also help you to get out of some shit. but it may also change yourself. you can lose your personality, your happiness, your friends and your emotions.
(and sorry for grammar failures, im not natively speaking english
)
so i skip the time when my parents got divorced, my big bro moved to another town and i lived with my dad who was working some 100kms away and came back once every 2 weeks. So i managed all myself, school went good these days, i had friends, partied lot, met alot of girls. i never felt in love tho, until i was 19.
my first and only love.. it was so great this feeling was fantastic, i wasnt alone anymore. she had been my everything until the day we broke. while we were together i didnt recognize that i already was changing, i became less outgoing because she was my world.
well, she finally went along with another guy.
I fell into a hole with no escape, i drank i fought people, i almost died literally. it was my first contact with real love and now it was gone, i couldnt understand. she was all i had and now it was all gone. it was a hell of a lovepain but i wont go further into this.
so it shouldnt have been a problem for me being alone again but for shits sake i havent realized i lost alot of my friends because i changed somehow. i got panic attacks really bad, almnost had an accident on the highway, layd down in the bathroom for hours. wasnt able to work until my doc prescribed me sth against anxiety and an antidepressant.
it helped me so great, i could live my life again. some pills in my pocket and i felt safe. i felt great because being okay feels so good after 1-2 years of panic attacks.
at this time my friends count is 2 to 3. they were all i had left. but those pills changed me even more. i dont really care about other people, emotions were almost gone, ive been staying doped for most of the day, in the morning for keeping cool on the way to work, while work for blocking my anxiety attacks and in the evening to calm down and be able to sleep.
so this has been going for about 9 months now and guess what. im alone. no friends, no girlfriend. no calls, no messages, just nothing.
no replies when i type a text message to my former best friend. i got used to it because i increased the amount of my medication.
so i dont really car atm, i sometimes cry, just a little bit when im drunk. i changed before i took the pills but those even made it worse.
so i sit between the choice of going back to panic attacks or stay as a brain-zombie.
on the one hand i love lorazepam because thanks to it i can work again and sleep very well, on the other it made me a zombie without any emotions. i think ive always been more or less someone with few emotions but this doesnt help in getting my life back to happyness.
so thats my little story, im stoned right now and i dont know if my post makes any sense to you. i just typed what i thought.
at the same time id really appreciate if some of you could help me getting out of this...
thanks!
love, eric
this is not a regular post explaing what drugs can do to you but that drugs can also help you to get out of some shit. but it may also change yourself. you can lose your personality, your happiness, your friends and your emotions.
(and sorry for grammar failures, im not natively speaking english
)so i skip the time when my parents got divorced, my big bro moved to another town and i lived with my dad who was working some 100kms away and came back once every 2 weeks. So i managed all myself, school went good these days, i had friends, partied lot, met alot of girls. i never felt in love tho, until i was 19.
my first and only love.. it was so great this feeling was fantastic, i wasnt alone anymore. she had been my everything until the day we broke. while we were together i didnt recognize that i already was changing, i became less outgoing because she was my world.
well, she finally went along with another guy.
I fell into a hole with no escape, i drank i fought people, i almost died literally. it was my first contact with real love and now it was gone, i couldnt understand. she was all i had and now it was all gone. it was a hell of a lovepain but i wont go further into this.
so it shouldnt have been a problem for me being alone again but for shits sake i havent realized i lost alot of my friends because i changed somehow. i got panic attacks really bad, almnost had an accident on the highway, layd down in the bathroom for hours. wasnt able to work until my doc prescribed me sth against anxiety and an antidepressant.
it helped me so great, i could live my life again. some pills in my pocket and i felt safe. i felt great because being okay feels so good after 1-2 years of panic attacks.
at this time my friends count is 2 to 3. they were all i had left. but those pills changed me even more. i dont really care about other people, emotions were almost gone, ive been staying doped for most of the day, in the morning for keeping cool on the way to work, while work for blocking my anxiety attacks and in the evening to calm down and be able to sleep.
so this has been going for about 9 months now and guess what. im alone. no friends, no girlfriend. no calls, no messages, just nothing.
no replies when i type a text message to my former best friend. i got used to it because i increased the amount of my medication.
so i dont really car atm, i sometimes cry, just a little bit when im drunk. i changed before i took the pills but those even made it worse.
so i sit between the choice of going back to panic attacks or stay as a brain-zombie.
on the one hand i love lorazepam because thanks to it i can work again and sleep very well, on the other it made me a zombie without any emotions. i think ive always been more or less someone with few emotions but this doesnt help in getting my life back to happyness.
so thats my little story, im stoned right now and i dont know if my post makes any sense to you. i just typed what i thought.
at the same time id really appreciate if some of you could help me getting out of this...
thanks!
love, eric
