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brief fling with prostituting myself may have ruined best friendship forever

  • Thread starter Thread starter sexgod or skank
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sexgod or skank

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I wonder if I have been callous, or if my justifications really make any sense?

We were friends for years. When we met we would fool around mainly and he continued blow me and every so often really ever since then even though our relationship developed into a friendship more than just a casual hook up over the years. He loved to pleasure, and this is the type of gay guy I get along with. He was always more of a slut than I was meeting guys he barley knew and staying up all night smoking crack and getting fucked by them, although recently he has cooled down a little.
I thought he understood we were just friends, he was much older than me and we often talked about how a relationship wouldn't work together, but to be honest that was really probably a backwards way of flirting with the idea.
Well I had a couple of super slutty days myself, just for the fuck of it, with no intention of hurting my friend whatsoever, but his feelings about what I did made it clear he had feelings for me that I had no idea about, he said it made him sick to his stomach, and that he couldnt talk to me for a long time, I havnt heard from him for a few days since this all happened.

Because its maybe relevant, here what I did that he was so hurt by: The first day I hooked with two different guys, all just oral sex, mostly because I was bored, but both experiences served to reinforce what I already know, that I can so easily get a little extra from guys who are at least 5 to 15 years older my age that just adore my slender frame and humungous cock. It took me awhile to really accept how much some men are willing to do just so I let them please me, it doesnt seem right but at the same time it can turn me on. Haha sorry about but its true. Usually I just get them to be generous with the wine or weed or what have you, (occasionally fancy dinner but I am not even that classy). Reflecting later on how I fulfilled my need to stay a little buzzed by just having sex, the next days I decided to push my boundaries and go a little further. Iv been living off of rice and beans, so I figured this was the time to try it, I have flirted so close to prostituting myself, but that day I went all the way and made enough cash to buy and nice bit of weed and a couple of meals, all through oral sex. So Yes I tried out being a gay prostitute, and god damn was it easy money. Sex has never been inseparable from emotions like intimacy to me, in fact it has probably been much harder to connect sex to feelings of intimacy at times that I have been in relationships where I really wanted to get close to the other person. So I have always known in the back of my mind that prostitution was something I had to try, but now my friend is gone.

Because maybe this lacks enough questions to be a good topic, I will add a few at the end here, but really any opinions is what I am looking for. Anyway:

Do you think I was an ass? If you were that friend do you think you would understand my reasoning or just forget about me forever?
 
one addition

I forgot to mention, can a mod please move this to SLR? I am sure it would get more views over there
 
hmmm sounds like fwb with feelings got upset.

this happens. he needs to move on cos you are not interested in him or your behaviour would reflect that.

maybe i'm being judgemental but you sound like you enjoy using people...
 
- brief fling with prostituting myself may have ruined best friendship forever

-Please merge with my existing topic in SLR I would like to respond

I would not say I enjoy using people, but i'v done it in the past when i was just scraping by, and have also had opportunities to really cash in that I passed up on such as when a rich man became infatuated with me many years ago, I let me take me out to eat a few times but that was that, never any sex and I cut off contact because I knew he felt he was buying me but claimed not to be, and I was not yet ready to be bought at the time.
I am a very sexual person sometimes I just exude sexuality, it is mostly something I can control but not always. I'v mostly just found I can use this to get blowjobs by mentally turning on people who are into that kind of thing anyway, so I guess this is a way I have slowly gotten used to using people. All my friends are gay or bi and they all suck my dick once in awhile, ,maybe this is actually an indication of a problem, I don't know. Or maybe it's just a good indication that I really am a great candidate for becoming a male prostitute.
 
-brief fling with prostituting myself may have ruined best friendship forever

-To pofacedho I enjoy getting head more than giving it, what a shocker. I still wind up doing a ton of both... both before and during my fling with whorin'

My friend is gone now the issue is the dark allure that selling sex has for me, being such a sexual person. There is excitement and danger, and I am just so lost and directionless in general....
 
i like it but

I enjoyed the fast cash and it afforded me real dinners for a few nights but every time i bought with it became a little inseparable from sex in my mind, in a way i did not like. Maybe that would go away if I found myself having to doing it again enough times... But then I also think about how for the same pay it can be 20-30 minutes of actually pretty pleasurable work, as in getting a blowjob sometimes, as killing half my day at some low skill hourly day job.... that is the dark allure.
What I told my friend, which didnt help, was it was something I needed to experience myself to know if it was wrong, and I am still very undecided, but I know if I am desperate the temptation will be strong now that I know how easy it can be. As long as I have my look that is
 
-brief fling with prostituting myself may have ruined best friendship forever

Actually could a please mod merge this topic with my existing topic in sex love and relationships?... or move it over to the dark side if that would be a better place.

Or maybe the lack of replies is because this is a topic don't no one wanna hear about
 
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