Brick Wall.

[rewiiired]

Here I am, bruising my mind again
getting dizzy on this spinning wheel, in these
labryths of logics, no way out but irrationalities,
the flimsy pick-and-choose, but they
have no ground to stand on.

Hello brick wall, it hasn't been
long enough, old friend.

I'll tell myself once more that I can
make a way around or through,
but you know I know there's no
end left or right in sight,
and try as I might I can never
seem to penetrate you.

I try to climb you to
try to look down, see atop you,
look out and off in the distance,
see a clearer picture, a wider perspective,
see it all, but the higher you climb, the higher the height,
the harder you fall with no solid ground in sight,
just jagged rocks to rip at me but never kill me
and it goes on and on until I grab ahold to climb again.

I'm already tired of climbing in fear,
and I already got broken bones here and skin
anyone who cares to can see right through,
I'm already bloody and muddy
and black and blue.

Here I am with my swirling mind again
did you notice, now, can you tell that I'm
so fucking sick of your high-speed carousel?

Questions with no answers or end
but death or medication.
Questions that lead to the same old questions
with further elaboration.

Hello, brick wall, did you miss my
emotional cyclone and intellectual masochism?
Let me bash my skull against you one more time.
One more time to see if one of us breaks.
One more time just for old times' sake.

I'm still stuck here in the in-between
still at a loss to everything
still addicted to the forever unseen
still scared and thirsty, no release, no canteen
still slamming back into you in the spaces between
my long bouts of wandering, never far, it seems,
from the old footprints that need re-printing.

I'll bash my head against you again.
One of us must break through and then
this pain here will have to find an end.

I'll slam me into you again
and through the hole I bust in me or you
change will be at hand.

Goodbye, my head.
Skipping record broken, good as dead.
Farewell old friend, brick wall.
It's been too long.
It's been too long.

 

[psychoblast]

I don't know why, but I like it.

If your reality is all your own conscious perceptions, then the brick wall is necessarily all in your head. Not that that makes it any easier to break through...

~psychoblast~