My earliest memories of Brendan are of him walking up Town and Country blvd, with his hood up. I can see him laughing his obnoxious guffaws and reveling in the irritation he caused in everyone around him. Feeling so intellectually superior, so right in all his arguments. He was one of the first people who ever truly challenged me.
We wandered all over that neighborhood. I got to know about his mom, who disappeared for days, rented out her car, and pawned all of their tapes to make rent. I learned how Brendan could detect the smell of burning crack rock from two flights of stairs and three shut doors, how it used to cut him up inside.
We grew weed behind Wal-Mart. He was able to sell it and drink beers in the lifeguard stand. We asked strangers to buy us 40's of Steel Reserve. He crip-walked for the police after we got pulled over in Catonsville.
Then I remember that trailer in Edgewater. Taking out an inflatable raft on the Gunpowder in December--unable to feel our fingers carrying it back through the woods. Spending Christmas in tears with barely enough Suboxone to stay well... tossing and turning on the carpet and trying unsuccessfully to get drunk on something ice-brewed. By then we were scoring crack with his mom and her new boyfriend.
When I decided to move down to Florida I had Brendan's blessing but the real heartbreak came when he came down and then broke his arm, wound up unable to work and had to move back up north. I thought that he was doing alright but it turned out later he had been smoking weed and drinking beers.
He told me about one time, when he tried to buy booze at the U-Gas on Yamato and Federal; it was after five AM or something and they weren't supposed to sell beer to anyone. The guy behind the counter though, he showed Brendan a digital camera with pictures on it of guys bent over spreading their ass cheeks, and said "if you want beer, you know what you have to do."
Brendan is one of the most gifted people I've ever met. He could do whatever he wanted, like really. When he got up to Maryland again he wanted to keep getting drunk, keep getting sent to psych wards, and he wanted to get some girl pregnant. Which is what he did. It is gut wrenching to imagine the hole he has to climb out of: I managed to pull my life together but by comparison at this point I did a lot less damage.
So it was his birthday on the 30th. He's got himself a job now. I think he said he's been sober something like thirty days. Emily and I got him a Target gift card. He is trying to position himself to win custody of his daughter... his baby's mom moved to York, PA and Brendan cannot leave the state of Maryland. She is apparently no prize herself.
When people ask me about Brendan, I'm often surprised at how worried they are about him. I don't know why, but I don't really fear for him. I think I know for some reason that he will be okay.
There are a handful of people that I have really connected with. Brendan and I went through so so much together. He's the type of friend who you can go years without seeing--but when you're back together it's like you didn't spend any time apart. I think our souls are bonded... but I suspect he has that effect on many people who meet him.
I have so many stories about the guy... he's such a loveable nutcase. I want only the best for him and his daughter, but for some reason despite all the things I know about him, despite the depth and scope of his demons... I really think things will be alright with him. I hope so... he has so much to offer the world.
We wandered all over that neighborhood. I got to know about his mom, who disappeared for days, rented out her car, and pawned all of their tapes to make rent. I learned how Brendan could detect the smell of burning crack rock from two flights of stairs and three shut doors, how it used to cut him up inside.
We grew weed behind Wal-Mart. He was able to sell it and drink beers in the lifeguard stand. We asked strangers to buy us 40's of Steel Reserve. He crip-walked for the police after we got pulled over in Catonsville.
Then I remember that trailer in Edgewater. Taking out an inflatable raft on the Gunpowder in December--unable to feel our fingers carrying it back through the woods. Spending Christmas in tears with barely enough Suboxone to stay well... tossing and turning on the carpet and trying unsuccessfully to get drunk on something ice-brewed. By then we were scoring crack with his mom and her new boyfriend.
When I decided to move down to Florida I had Brendan's blessing but the real heartbreak came when he came down and then broke his arm, wound up unable to work and had to move back up north. I thought that he was doing alright but it turned out later he had been smoking weed and drinking beers.
He told me about one time, when he tried to buy booze at the U-Gas on Yamato and Federal; it was after five AM or something and they weren't supposed to sell beer to anyone. The guy behind the counter though, he showed Brendan a digital camera with pictures on it of guys bent over spreading their ass cheeks, and said "if you want beer, you know what you have to do."
Brendan is one of the most gifted people I've ever met. He could do whatever he wanted, like really. When he got up to Maryland again he wanted to keep getting drunk, keep getting sent to psych wards, and he wanted to get some girl pregnant. Which is what he did. It is gut wrenching to imagine the hole he has to climb out of: I managed to pull my life together but by comparison at this point I did a lot less damage.
So it was his birthday on the 30th. He's got himself a job now. I think he said he's been sober something like thirty days. Emily and I got him a Target gift card. He is trying to position himself to win custody of his daughter... his baby's mom moved to York, PA and Brendan cannot leave the state of Maryland. She is apparently no prize herself.
When people ask me about Brendan, I'm often surprised at how worried they are about him. I don't know why, but I don't really fear for him. I think I know for some reason that he will be okay.
There are a handful of people that I have really connected with. Brendan and I went through so so much together. He's the type of friend who you can go years without seeing--but when you're back together it's like you didn't spend any time apart. I think our souls are bonded... but I suspect he has that effect on many people who meet him.
I have so many stories about the guy... he's such a loveable nutcase. I want only the best for him and his daughter, but for some reason despite all the things I know about him, despite the depth and scope of his demons... I really think things will be alright with him. I hope so... he has so much to offer the world.
