.:Breath of the city hot on my back:.

[CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT]

.:Breath of the city hot on my back:.

The city runs over my skin like
A greyed tongue licking a pane
Of spotted glass.

Its shortened safety scissors
Catch on my grooves and dance
A fettered step;
Torn stripes line into my eyes.

Pulled sweat through my thick
Closed thighs
The city warms me with its
Stench and then dies.

Walking the ruins of a heavy veil
Numbness runs sordid over
Mouldy, cloudy glasses

The bones run and heave
My blistering longing leaves
And the city lies listless
In its waking dream.

 

[Mary Poppins]

brilliant use of language shayna

i liked the first and third stanzas the best....such evocative imagery....i like the personification of the city...i so agree that it is always feels like the city is stifling us on those hot days.

interstingly (and somewhat irrelevantly) i just finished reading a truman capote novel where he did a similar thing with new york....which i loved.

wonderful

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

That is some amazing imagery, I like the way the city seems malevolent but never holds any power

The bones run and heave
My blistering longing leaves
And the city lies listless
In its waking dream.

This is just so damn good!

 

[(Wordy)]

brilliant use of language shayna

i liked the first and third stanzas the best....such evocative imagery....i like the personification of the city...

Totally agree. This is seriously one of the best things I've read on this board. %)

The opening stanza especially is so sharp in its use of sensory impressions.

 

[katmeow]

Nice to see you posting again

You've really captured the essence of the hot summer's day... awesome imagery! I like the way each sentence runs into the next... the words just keep hitting you, like the blast of heat.

 

[up all night]

Easily one of the best you've written. You have an artful eye for detail and great choice of words.

 

[Angelight]

Loved This!

 

[(Wordy)]

*bump*

 

[Raz]

That is some amazing imagery, I like the way the city seems malevolent but never holds any power



This is just so damn good!

That's an excellent description....I like how you can infuse your work with an underlying sense of frustration COTB....like a subtle tension.

 

[emotionisdead67]

Wonderful.

 

[doofqueen]

Awesome :D