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Breakup and Valentines Day - Before or After?

socko

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2005
Messages
3,620
Location
Paris, France
Title says it all. I want to extricate myself from a relationship that has become too serious. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. What to do?
 
I don't think anybody will feel better if you wait after valentine's day... but if the day means something to the woman, you should rather avoid doing it at that exact day though.

you live in Paris? Valentine's day isn't taken seriously by a lot of people in europe, in my opinion.
 
Women everywhere in the world like Valentine's day. Paris is no exception. This woman already has plans for how she wants me to spend the day.
 
Breaking up with somebody right before Valentines Day, especially when plans have already been made, is sort of harsh. But so is staying in a relationship that you're no longer into and pretending everything is okay during a romantic holiday. For me personally, I would want my SO to end things with me despite my expectations for Valentines Day. It would hurt me more knowing that he engaged in romantic activities with me and essentially lied to my face rather than ending things when he wanted to. I would feel like a fool for buying into it, and if I didn't buy into it then the holiday would be ruined anyway. At least if he did it beforehand I would be able to hang out with girl friends and distract myself for the day.
 
Even if you have no intentions of staying with this woman is it really that hard to give her a pleasant Valentines Day before breaking up with her in a week or so times? It is just plan humility to try and avoid causing anyone to be sad and miserable on a day designed for love. A good person wouldn't even need to ask this question

Having this conversation 3 days out is too late. Suck it up and break up with her next week
 
her first question is going to be "did you know, on valentines day, you were going to break up with me?". good luck answering that awkward question about how you lied to her...

my $0.02 - if you know you need to break up, man up and do it as soon as possible. it's going to suck and there's no way round that.

alasdair
 
oh dear... 4 days prior to valentine's day? Cutting it a bit short.

It's gonna suck either way. What kind of plans? If just dinner and she isn't out any money, then I guess just let her down now. Not sure what to do if she spent money already. I've had that happen but at least I had time to cancel so I didn't lose money. I guess in retrospect I was happy I didn't spend money on someone who wasn't into me even though I felt like crap. So, I think do it now quick so she can cancel.
 
don't dump someone by text -_-
at least by phone but yeah, I agree before v-day if she has all these plans.
she will be heartbroken but at least she can cancel and save her money
 
Gotta disagree with OneThousandWords, that's just sociopathic.

Sooner rather than later IMO.

I understand a bit where he's coming from. When it happened to me, I thought "Jesus, we couldn't have just hung out and had a good time instead of being alone?" That was my initial thought, but now 5-6 years later, I'm happy that he didn't let me spend the money and energy. It's not your initial thought though! I wouldn't want to have spent all this time and energy on someone who wasn't into it.

Still was one of the shittiest breakups I've had though. lol It really sucks breaking up right before v-day only to walk around work or wherever to be constantly reminded of it.
 
what's worse? breaking up 2 days before valentines day or breaking up 2 days after and knowing that s/he wanted to break up with you on valentines day but was just lying to you to 'spare your feelings' or whatever.

i know from experience that the later totally sucks because i did it once. and it wasn't a valentines day dinner - it was a 10 day vacation in paris...

my last girlfriend (just broke up after 5 years :( ), like me, didn't really are much about valentines. total hallmark event. so much pressure to behave a certain way and consume, consume, consume. screw that.

alasdair
 
aww, ali, I remember you talking about her. I'm sorry. :(

I'm not into v-day either, but it's the constant reminder from others that I think gets to me. I like getting flowers or just a "hey, I love you happy v-day!" but I was never into the crowds and restaurants.
 
Yeah. I would prefer not having had a completely disingenuous Valentines Day than celebrating it and find out that it was all a lie pretty much. It just seems kind of cruel even though the intention would have been good. People fall out of love and people can't help how they feel but continuing with the relationship out of sympathy when the feelings aren't mutual just seems so deceptive. I would much rather have empathy and honesty because it is going to suck either way.

Valentine's Day just kills me every year, I usually end up getting sloppy drunk and sad.
 
Treat her how you would want to be treated.

Tell her its become too serious and you are not up for it.

Good luck. Its hard to do the right thing but thats what adults have to do.
 
Before. definitely. sitting through valentines day with someone you don't want to be with going through the motions sounds like a traumatic experience for both parties. Just get it over with man. Shes going to be telling all her friends 'can you beleieve he dumped me two days before v-day'? You're going to be THAT guy.

Text is kind of impersonal but gets the job done. perfect for one night stands and that sort of thing. generally considered bad form, the fact that you had to ask is pretty funny tho.
 
So, it's bad to do this by text, right? Anyway, thanks for all of the advice.

Good lord... That should go without saying. It doesn't sound like you ever really cared about this person in the first place honestly. Either way, do it before. If it were up to me there would be no Valentine's day in the first place because it's just another stupid holiday for everyone that is with someone to rub it in single people's faces. I'm not bitter tho.
 
I think you should just wait until after. Then at least you could have gave it your all. Last shot kind of thing.
 
how is knowing you're going to break up and just waiting until valentine's day has passed to make it 'easier' giving it "your all"?

alasdair
 
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