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Breakup and Valentines Day - Before or After?

Yeah. That doesn't make any fucking sense, it's on par with breaking up with someone over text. At least own your shit and be completely honest and don't string a human being along. At least this way you are confronting it directly and being honest. Anything else is deceptive and cowardly. It's not "giving it your all", it's prolonging the inevitable and lying.
 
i realise v day is tmrw, but my opinion was to wait until a few days after it. i don't believe that honesty is always the best policy, sometimes you need to take other peoples feelings into consideration, and what is 1 more week of stringing along a relationship, some people stay in bad relationships for years.

i personally would want the other person to break up with me when they don't want to be around me any more, but i also don't place any value on valentines day, so it wouldn't bother me.
 
I still think it's absurd how superstitious people are with holidays. To me they're just another day. It's like why do you need a special day to be romantic towards your significant other? You should be anyways, not just one day out of the year. :\
 
We were serious only for the last few weeks and it was very sudden so that's why it is hard to figure out. We kept breaking dates last week and i was frustrated about not having seen her to talk so I thought about texting.

Valentine's Day is stressful with all of its expectations (more so on teh man) to be romantic. We'll do something romantic and fun for Valentines day, and it wont be at a stressful overcrowded 500€ restaurant. It won't be over the top. I'll wait a couple more weeks. I like her and enjoy her company after all. But this isn't a long term relationship. The situation is complicated and would take a long time to explain.


After 2 weeks If tjings havent slowed down on their own and If she still asks, I'll lie because I agree sometimes it's better to lie to spare feelings if no harm is done. Thanks for the advice.
 
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So basically you're going to string her along? I can tell you from personal experience that being lied to and strung along is a lot worse than being honest from the get-go, but do what thou will.
 
yeah having been through the opposite side of that i prbly agree..
depends on how she sees the situation though, idk her
 
socko said:
I'll lie because I agree sometimes it's better to lie to spare feelings if no harm is done.
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You're not sparing her feelings by remaining in this relationship with her, you're only sparing your own because YOU feel guilty for hurting her. Breakups are part of life, she'll move on and find her happiness with someone who can appreciate and love her for the rest of her life (and you can do the same). You're just prolonging the process. And, if she has any indication that you've been contemplating leaving her since before Valentines Day, you're going to affect the trust that she has in her future partners.
 
It really takes balls to be honest about ehat you want in any type of relationship and looks like you might not have those balls.
 
It's really hard to describe the relationship. Very complicated because of the background.

Before this I had been taking it as it comes without any expectations. It turns out she hasa lot expectations that I didn't realize I had agreed with.

Is 2 extra weeks really stringing her along?
 
nuttynutskin said:
I still think it's absurd how superstitious people are with holidays. To me they're just another day. It's like why do you need a special day to be romantic towards your significant other? You should be anyways, not just one day out of the year. :\
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It's not about superstition and holidays. It's about breaking up during a holiday that then is in your face when you're trying to forget about it. Go to work -- people get flowers and talk about what they are doing with their SO. Rubs salt in the wound, basically. Go to grocery store -- v-day shit everywhere.

It's just a bad time to try to forget heartbreak when everyone is throwing their relationship in your face. Not that there is anything wrong with the other side enjoying themselves, but it sucks when you're trying just to numb yourself and forget.

I don't hate on people for loving v-day at all. Good for them.
 
socko said:
It's really hard to describe the relationship. Very complicated because of the background.

Before this I had been taking it as it comes without any expectations. It turns out she hasa lot expectations that I didn't realize I had agreed with.

Is 2 extra weeks really stringing her along?
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Yes it is.
 
Is it really so bad to want to spend the holiday together and have a romantic evening even if it is only a short term thing? It's not like I have proposed marriage .
 
Speaking from personal experience I had a 4 year relationship end abruptly because the girl wanted to "spare my feelings" spare them she did not basically to me it was "why would you lie to me to spare my feelings we are suppose to be in love and if we arent i should know, not be lied to when i say "i love you" before i leave.

My recent break up after 5 years she said she "was going to wait to spare my feelings" but she couldnt bare trying to claim she loved me when she didnt... I am still friends with, it was kind of recent but we are literally best friends i smoke a blunt with her once a night. I can say whether its conquering a heroin addiction together that made us this close but i know the fact that i can look at her and think "she must love me a lot to break up with me and still want to see me/ whats best for me, so its way better this way.

I am not saying the first one hates me or anything we were in HS and she went to college and dropped this after i made a long distance thing work for my first year in college. but yeah it was way easier for me to rationalize it happening this way as "she needs to move on with her life and i am cool with that, in fact i am happy for her" if she waited I may have resented it and said a whole bunch of shit i didnt mean to and cause a person i love as a friend to walk away, mind you the one person who truly knows me too.

I know romantic love and friend love are different but i like love and it feels good to know someone cares about me, we may not have sex but if i am crying and need to talk to someone shes still there to hear it and vise versa.
 
socko said:
Is 2 extra weeks really stringing her along?
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yes.
Lysis said:
It's just a bad time to try to forget heartbreak when everyone is throwing their relationship in your face.
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i know it sucks but somebody receiving flowers at work on v day is not them throwing their relationship in your face. it's not about you. at all.
socko said:
Is it really so bad to want to spend the holiday together and have a romantic evening even if it is only a short term thing?
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the problem is not that it's short term. it's that you've already decided it's over. i'm a stranger on the internet and i know but she doesn't? that sucks.
socko said:
This is hard for me and probably painful for her no matter what I do.
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yep.

good luck.

alasdair
 
alasdairm said:
yes.
i know it sucks but somebody receiving flowers at work on v day is not them throwing their relationship in your face. it's not about you. at all.


alasdair
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That's not what I meant. I never said it's about me. It's no different than your dog dying and watching people play with their dog. Obviously not purposely throwing it in your face, but just a harsh reminder. It's a harsh reminder and it's hard enough already to forget. No different than trying to avoid anything that you're trying to forget whatever it might be.
 
right, but they're just going about their day. they're not throwing anything in your face. they're not doing anything to you. i disagree that you're not making something which is not about you, about you.

i agree that "a harsh reminder" is a better way to describe it than "throwing it in your face".

alasdair
 
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