So I use several substances, and while I am probably REMOTELY healthy to an extent (I think I'm not so healthy right now really, but relatively speaking) I feel like complete shit about 40% of the time, KIND OF like shit about another 40%, and just "ok" probably the other 15% of the time, with the times I actually feel above average being relegated to when I'm on Kratom, but I don't take Kratom more than 3 days a week spaced out so as not to become dependent.
I know that the two drugs which combine to make me feel like shit are my prescribed Klonopin and my insanely ridiculous caffeine habit which SHOULD be easy to overcome, but is not. When I fall asleep I can't wake up for like 9 hours on a GOOD day but generally I feel I need to sleep 11-12 hours to feel even REMOTELY rested and I am still usually tired as hell when I wake up, and I can only attribute this to the Klonopin (well not ONLY, but mainly, there are other factors too.)
I'm also prescribed Adderall and Lexapro.
To a large extent I need Klonopin, but I know I don't need nearly as much as I take (3mgs a day is my prescribed amount but I try to take less) because if i don't take it I get really bad social anxiety which is even WORSE than the fatigue caused by the Klonopin.
I also have this bizarre problem where I chug coffee and have a REALLY hard time drinking anything less than 5 cups a day, yet I react REALLY badly to it because of my anxiety and it makes me super anxious and then I need more klonopin, but then the Klonopin makes me tired and so I drink more coffee, then when bedtime comes I can't sleep so I take more Klonopin to knock me out, coffee to wake up, and the cycle continues.
Since my new job is at night, and it's a very good but anxiety producing teaching position, I have the *luxury* of having no real sleep schedule, which fucks me up more, and my body and brain never know if it's night or day and I have a hard time forcing myself to stick to a schedule of when I go to bed and wake up.
I would say that the Klonopin is what constantly has me tired and makes quitting caffeine MUCH more difficult (which believe me IS a necessity for me, at least to get down to like 2 cups a day which should be low enough IMO).
Coffee really wrecks me too: the crash, the anxiety, the decreased sleep quality, the fucking sweating and gas, it just fucks me up and the only times I have been able to quit were ironically by using Adderall/Dexadrine for about 10 days straight, then stopping both that AND the caffeine, and exercising religiously, and my need for Klonopin DRAMATICALLy decreased and I felt normal!!!
This is what I want to do again (I do have an Adderall prescription), but I can't quit cold turkey because I have too much work to do to manage without caffeine cause even with Adderall I get EXHAUSTED and SUPER depressed when in caffeine WD.
I also REALLY want to cut down on Klonopin, but when I got off it for 9 months 4 years ago even though I felt SOOOO much better in terms of energy, my social anxiety came back and I couldn't deal and had no choice but to start taking it again, but if I'd managed to quit coffee at the same time maybe I could have stayed off it due to the anxiety the caffeine produces...
What I DESPERATELY want to do is get to the point where I am not dependent on caffeine and only drink a little at most, and have DRAMATICALLY cut down on Klonopin, and I know I'll feel better, but I don't know how to do this.
A big problem is I am afraid if I ask my doctor for advice on how to cut down on Klonopin that he will prescribe me less or cut me off, and while I doubt he'd cut me off entirely cause he's really cool and casual about prescribing, I don't want to be prescribed less cause I want to build up a stash cause I am afraid of running out and this doctor is SUPER flaky about getting me my meds on time and is always like a week late on my Klonopin and makes me worried about it.
What do you guys suggest I do??
Should I try to cut down on coffee first or Klonopin first or at the same time?
If I cut down on the Klonopin do you think I'll want less caffeine? Cause if I cant' cut down on caffeine then that will continue to make me anxious and want more Klonopin...
Should I tell my psychiatrist I want help cutting down on Klonopin but that I still want the same prescription for the same amount?
If i tell him that, do you think he will prescribe me less if I tell him I SORT of want to taper but not really?? (Not a REAL taper mind you, just me basically asking "how little an amount can I take on certain days and still be in the safe zone for not having a seizure so I can cut down and be less tired?"
The fucked up thing is, when I don't drink coffee I don't need a whole lot of Klonopin, so my focus is usually on quitting that first, especially cause I don't have to talk to the psychiatrist then, and if I had like 10 days off (it really does take that long for me, sometimes more...) Id use my Adderall to quit caffeine cold turkey, but I don't have that time off.
These two substances (and I personally believe FOR ME caffeine is actually a bad drug) have me locked in a battle of tiredness and shitty sleep and crashing and anxiety constantly that I have not been able to break out of for years.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks
I know that the two drugs which combine to make me feel like shit are my prescribed Klonopin and my insanely ridiculous caffeine habit which SHOULD be easy to overcome, but is not. When I fall asleep I can't wake up for like 9 hours on a GOOD day but generally I feel I need to sleep 11-12 hours to feel even REMOTELY rested and I am still usually tired as hell when I wake up, and I can only attribute this to the Klonopin (well not ONLY, but mainly, there are other factors too.)
I'm also prescribed Adderall and Lexapro.
To a large extent I need Klonopin, but I know I don't need nearly as much as I take (3mgs a day is my prescribed amount but I try to take less) because if i don't take it I get really bad social anxiety which is even WORSE than the fatigue caused by the Klonopin.
I also have this bizarre problem where I chug coffee and have a REALLY hard time drinking anything less than 5 cups a day, yet I react REALLY badly to it because of my anxiety and it makes me super anxious and then I need more klonopin, but then the Klonopin makes me tired and so I drink more coffee, then when bedtime comes I can't sleep so I take more Klonopin to knock me out, coffee to wake up, and the cycle continues.
Since my new job is at night, and it's a very good but anxiety producing teaching position, I have the *luxury* of having no real sleep schedule, which fucks me up more, and my body and brain never know if it's night or day and I have a hard time forcing myself to stick to a schedule of when I go to bed and wake up.
I would say that the Klonopin is what constantly has me tired and makes quitting caffeine MUCH more difficult (which believe me IS a necessity for me, at least to get down to like 2 cups a day which should be low enough IMO).
Coffee really wrecks me too: the crash, the anxiety, the decreased sleep quality, the fucking sweating and gas, it just fucks me up and the only times I have been able to quit were ironically by using Adderall/Dexadrine for about 10 days straight, then stopping both that AND the caffeine, and exercising religiously, and my need for Klonopin DRAMATICALLy decreased and I felt normal!!!
This is what I want to do again (I do have an Adderall prescription), but I can't quit cold turkey because I have too much work to do to manage without caffeine cause even with Adderall I get EXHAUSTED and SUPER depressed when in caffeine WD.
I also REALLY want to cut down on Klonopin, but when I got off it for 9 months 4 years ago even though I felt SOOOO much better in terms of energy, my social anxiety came back and I couldn't deal and had no choice but to start taking it again, but if I'd managed to quit coffee at the same time maybe I could have stayed off it due to the anxiety the caffeine produces...
What I DESPERATELY want to do is get to the point where I am not dependent on caffeine and only drink a little at most, and have DRAMATICALLY cut down on Klonopin, and I know I'll feel better, but I don't know how to do this.
A big problem is I am afraid if I ask my doctor for advice on how to cut down on Klonopin that he will prescribe me less or cut me off, and while I doubt he'd cut me off entirely cause he's really cool and casual about prescribing, I don't want to be prescribed less cause I want to build up a stash cause I am afraid of running out and this doctor is SUPER flaky about getting me my meds on time and is always like a week late on my Klonopin and makes me worried about it.
What do you guys suggest I do??
Should I try to cut down on coffee first or Klonopin first or at the same time?
If I cut down on the Klonopin do you think I'll want less caffeine? Cause if I cant' cut down on caffeine then that will continue to make me anxious and want more Klonopin...
Should I tell my psychiatrist I want help cutting down on Klonopin but that I still want the same prescription for the same amount?
If i tell him that, do you think he will prescribe me less if I tell him I SORT of want to taper but not really?? (Not a REAL taper mind you, just me basically asking "how little an amount can I take on certain days and still be in the safe zone for not having a seizure so I can cut down and be less tired?"
The fucked up thing is, when I don't drink coffee I don't need a whole lot of Klonopin, so my focus is usually on quitting that first, especially cause I don't have to talk to the psychiatrist then, and if I had like 10 days off (it really does take that long for me, sometimes more...) Id use my Adderall to quit caffeine cold turkey, but I don't have that time off.
These two substances (and I personally believe FOR ME caffeine is actually a bad drug) have me locked in a battle of tiredness and shitty sleep and crashing and anxiety constantly that I have not been able to break out of for years.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks