Thought I'd share my experience with stopping a GBL habit. I didn't quite get to 24/7, and I didn't suffer physically when I stopped -- I wouldn't described myself as having been addicted - just weak-willed!
So, before the ban, I got a decent amount of GBL in. It sat in the cupboards barely touched for ages... then I got into it a bit more, taking it a couple of times a week. Found it a nice thing to take to mong out in the evenings. Gradually the frequency increased (as did the dose) to every evening.
My evenings were:
6pm-8pm. get home from work, 1.5ml g straight away. 0.5ml redoses every hour
8pm. Eat dinner
8.30pm. Dose 1ml. Redose 0.5ml 1 hour later. Think "huh, this isn't doing anything, must need more because I've eaten". Redose another 0.5ml. Pass out.
11-4am ish. Wake up. Redose 1ml, 0.5 every hour
4am. Sleep
6am. Wake up due to rebound, go to work
Sometimes I'd take it in the mornings too if I woke up early enough for it to have worn off by the time I had to drive. I did take some to work once, but I was afraid I'd accidentally get fucked, so I didn't actually take any.
My overuse was mostly because I didn't see a problem with doing that every night. I wasn't experiencing epic anxiety during the day, work was going fine, etc.
Mugabe was mostly fine with it until the passing out became more regular, and I started getting much more fucked. I'd get completely out of control -- running around laughing hysterically, and totally *not me*.
After he got upset about this a couple of times, I decided I should stop or at least cut back.
From there my overuse became a lack of self-control, since I did want to stop taking so much.
After a while and another crazy-angelsmoke night, I realised I wouldn't sort this out with self control. So, mugabe found someone to take the majority off our hands, and I kept just a 15ml bottle.
That got me to cut back a bit to make it last.
It ran out 3 weeks ago.
The hardest bit was getting home from work. I'd gotten very used to using G to put myself in monged evening mode. I'd take G and play WoW. So, I tried playing WoW, but I was still in work-stressed mode. I'd feel really miserable and lost - not associating the feeling directly to G, but just sitting there thinking "wuh?".
My general anxiety level did go up quite a lot. My stress levels at work were unchanged. By anxiety in this context, I mean e.g. if I bumped into someone, I'd apologise and scuttle away feeling horrible, rather than forgetting it right away. If I saw talkative people coming out to smoke while I was smoking, I'd go back inside to avoid having to talk.
At home, I was irritable, intolerant, took everything the worst way....
I had lorazapam a couple of times -- it did help with the anxiety but didn't make me miss G any less.
I tried drinking - it was AWFUL!! I just got edgier and edgier. Ended up hugging my knees and rocking back and forth -- mugabe managed to get my mind off it and calm me down a bit, and gave me a benzo. Then I decided I wanted to go out and get some meph. mugabe tried to talk me out of this, on the basis of both "we shouldn't be doing meph" and "you're drunk and benzoed, don't drive". I went mental at him... basically I think my twisted logic was to get him to say "fuck you, go crash your car, I don't care", and to myself I was using the "logic" that he was trying to control me by saying we shouldn't do meph. I didn't just yell, I used horrible personal attacks which really hurt him.
I didn't get any meph, and I have remembered why I don't drink!!! I am not going to be drinking again....
I've read on here people getting some relief from booze when coming off GBL. I'd say
- They probably meant more the physical symptoms than the craving
- If you are usually a bad drunk if you drink when you're unhappy, you probably will be if you try to use it to fill a GBL hole.
So, three weeks on, how is it going?
I don't automatically miss it in the evening anymore. I still do miss it, but I don't feel like crap and at a loose end.
I can't get by on 2 hours of sleep a night - generally getting about 7 hours now!
GBL rebounds made me a bit gobby at work sometimes. Nothing awful but a bit too quick to venture my opinion. Now I can be sure that if I say something impulsively, I'll regret it for the right reasons, and not beat myself up for being 'in a state'.
GBL made me sweat a lot during the day - this has now stopped.
I had an opportunity to buy some yesterday, but I declined. I know I'll have moments where I regret this, but right now I'm pleased with myself. I rarely choose to the right thing when the other option is the "fun thing".
When I stopped abusing meph, I felt a genuine joy at being able to lead a normal life. Doing simple things was awesome. I didn't get this at all with stopping G, because it didn't really prevent me from doing anything I needed to do.
I do lead a fuller life than I did a month ago though. G didn't *stop* me from spending time with friends, but I preferred G to friends. I'd socialise, but I would be thinking "must get home and have G" all the time. It's nice to be able to do stuff without wanting it to be over so I can get back to G.
Some thoughts...
I am really glad I've stopped. It wasn't quite controlling my life, but it was certainly elbowing out other parts of my life.
In January I took a 2 week break from it because we were on holiday in America. Apart from a bit of a weird headache for a while, I didn't miss it at all. I had my first dose on returning home 5 minutes after I walked in the door.
With meph, I didn't know what I was getting myself into, and it all happened so fast..... with G - I *knew* it was addictive, had read lots, and slowly took more and more over a long time. This was STUPID -- I was being STUPID - and if I had used my brain or been a bit stronger then I would have been ok. I am just saying... just because you are aware of the risks, doesn't mean you're immune to them!
What now?
Though I think drug laws are pretty daft, I have to admit that GBL being illegal has helped me. If it was easily available I'd probably have got some more (though I did break a similar habit with alcohol a few years ago). I think that until I can think "ooh, I haven't thought about G in AGES!" I am not ready to have it around again.
Advice
For the other g-habitual people. If you're 24/7ing you're in a different category and you know you have a problem. But for the "I do it a bit too often" people... well, consider if it is interfering with your life at all. Irritating you because you THINK you take too much is included here. Then weigh it all up -- I believe that habits like this become a problem when you DECIDE it is.
Beware that there's usually no going back - if you answer "would you like to take less of it?" with "yes", then try it and find you can't cut down, you'll have a hard time convincing yourself that it's really ok.
Final word
I briefly mentioned that I used to have problems with booze, too. If you're thinking "ye gods, this girl just can't control herself", then yes, you're right and I own up to that. However, mephedrone addiction was something else entirely -- like nothing I have experienced -- so please don't disregard my warnings about it on the basis of me being an unreliable source. I have nothing to gain by lying to you.
So, before the ban, I got a decent amount of GBL in. It sat in the cupboards barely touched for ages... then I got into it a bit more, taking it a couple of times a week. Found it a nice thing to take to mong out in the evenings. Gradually the frequency increased (as did the dose) to every evening.
My evenings were:
6pm-8pm. get home from work, 1.5ml g straight away. 0.5ml redoses every hour
8pm. Eat dinner
8.30pm. Dose 1ml. Redose 0.5ml 1 hour later. Think "huh, this isn't doing anything, must need more because I've eaten". Redose another 0.5ml. Pass out.
11-4am ish. Wake up. Redose 1ml, 0.5 every hour
4am. Sleep
6am. Wake up due to rebound, go to work
Sometimes I'd take it in the mornings too if I woke up early enough for it to have worn off by the time I had to drive. I did take some to work once, but I was afraid I'd accidentally get fucked, so I didn't actually take any.
My overuse was mostly because I didn't see a problem with doing that every night. I wasn't experiencing epic anxiety during the day, work was going fine, etc.
Mugabe was mostly fine with it until the passing out became more regular, and I started getting much more fucked. I'd get completely out of control -- running around laughing hysterically, and totally *not me*.
After he got upset about this a couple of times, I decided I should stop or at least cut back.
From there my overuse became a lack of self-control, since I did want to stop taking so much.
After a while and another crazy-angelsmoke night, I realised I wouldn't sort this out with self control. So, mugabe found someone to take the majority off our hands, and I kept just a 15ml bottle.
That got me to cut back a bit to make it last.
It ran out 3 weeks ago.
The hardest bit was getting home from work. I'd gotten very used to using G to put myself in monged evening mode. I'd take G and play WoW. So, I tried playing WoW, but I was still in work-stressed mode. I'd feel really miserable and lost - not associating the feeling directly to G, but just sitting there thinking "wuh?".
My general anxiety level did go up quite a lot. My stress levels at work were unchanged. By anxiety in this context, I mean e.g. if I bumped into someone, I'd apologise and scuttle away feeling horrible, rather than forgetting it right away. If I saw talkative people coming out to smoke while I was smoking, I'd go back inside to avoid having to talk.
At home, I was irritable, intolerant, took everything the worst way....
I had lorazapam a couple of times -- it did help with the anxiety but didn't make me miss G any less.
I tried drinking - it was AWFUL!! I just got edgier and edgier. Ended up hugging my knees and rocking back and forth -- mugabe managed to get my mind off it and calm me down a bit, and gave me a benzo. Then I decided I wanted to go out and get some meph. mugabe tried to talk me out of this, on the basis of both "we shouldn't be doing meph" and "you're drunk and benzoed, don't drive". I went mental at him... basically I think my twisted logic was to get him to say "fuck you, go crash your car, I don't care", and to myself I was using the "logic" that he was trying to control me by saying we shouldn't do meph. I didn't just yell, I used horrible personal attacks which really hurt him.
I didn't get any meph, and I have remembered why I don't drink!!! I am not going to be drinking again....
I've read on here people getting some relief from booze when coming off GBL. I'd say
- They probably meant more the physical symptoms than the craving
- If you are usually a bad drunk if you drink when you're unhappy, you probably will be if you try to use it to fill a GBL hole.
So, three weeks on, how is it going?
I don't automatically miss it in the evening anymore. I still do miss it, but I don't feel like crap and at a loose end.
I can't get by on 2 hours of sleep a night - generally getting about 7 hours now!
GBL rebounds made me a bit gobby at work sometimes. Nothing awful but a bit too quick to venture my opinion. Now I can be sure that if I say something impulsively, I'll regret it for the right reasons, and not beat myself up for being 'in a state'.
GBL made me sweat a lot during the day - this has now stopped.
I had an opportunity to buy some yesterday, but I declined. I know I'll have moments where I regret this, but right now I'm pleased with myself. I rarely choose to the right thing when the other option is the "fun thing".
When I stopped abusing meph, I felt a genuine joy at being able to lead a normal life. Doing simple things was awesome. I didn't get this at all with stopping G, because it didn't really prevent me from doing anything I needed to do.
I do lead a fuller life than I did a month ago though. G didn't *stop* me from spending time with friends, but I preferred G to friends. I'd socialise, but I would be thinking "must get home and have G" all the time. It's nice to be able to do stuff without wanting it to be over so I can get back to G.
Some thoughts...
I am really glad I've stopped. It wasn't quite controlling my life, but it was certainly elbowing out other parts of my life.
In January I took a 2 week break from it because we were on holiday in America. Apart from a bit of a weird headache for a while, I didn't miss it at all. I had my first dose on returning home 5 minutes after I walked in the door.
With meph, I didn't know what I was getting myself into, and it all happened so fast..... with G - I *knew* it was addictive, had read lots, and slowly took more and more over a long time. This was STUPID -- I was being STUPID - and if I had used my brain or been a bit stronger then I would have been ok. I am just saying... just because you are aware of the risks, doesn't mean you're immune to them!
What now?
Though I think drug laws are pretty daft, I have to admit that GBL being illegal has helped me. If it was easily available I'd probably have got some more (though I did break a similar habit with alcohol a few years ago). I think that until I can think "ooh, I haven't thought about G in AGES!" I am not ready to have it around again.
Advice
For the other g-habitual people. If you're 24/7ing you're in a different category and you know you have a problem. But for the "I do it a bit too often" people... well, consider if it is interfering with your life at all. Irritating you because you THINK you take too much is included here. Then weigh it all up -- I believe that habits like this become a problem when you DECIDE it is.
Beware that there's usually no going back - if you answer "would you like to take less of it?" with "yes", then try it and find you can't cut down, you'll have a hard time convincing yourself that it's really ok.
Final word
I briefly mentioned that I used to have problems with booze, too. If you're thinking "ye gods, this girl just can't control herself", then yes, you're right and I own up to that. However, mephedrone addiction was something else entirely -- like nothing I have experienced -- so please don't disregard my warnings about it on the basis of me being an unreliable source. I have nothing to gain by lying to you.
