I have finally identified the moment that I have begin abusing my role in Jeff's life.
It was when we were in a trip and his car broke down and he was in my car. We got into a fight and I kicked him out of my car in the middle of the country. I will never forget when he teared up. For the first time, he figured out that he couldn't trust me, he couldn't rely on me. And he knew, he had to watch out for himself. He was getting out of the military, all confused, scared and self questionable about his future.
I have cried so hard when I identified that moment with my therapist. It took alot of digging to figure out this moment. That's the first mean thing I have done to him. That's my responsibility piece of why we ended up with a destructive relationship with the right guy.
I don't see how people can see me and Jeff being together one day but it actually got mentioned more than once. I am more sure than not that we wouldn't try this again. If he goes to jail, I will be his friend and guide him through it by providing emotional and financial support. That's all I can do. I actually wish that people would not say that, I don't need hope, I need a happy ending with someone else.
But whatever, I guess someone sees something more than I do. I think that's why my family refuses for me to return to GA because they are scared that I will go back. My friends know that Jeff and I are not over, my family knows and the therapists but I know Jeff and I know me and I know how disgusted we both are out of this relationship. Then, I also know how badly we miss talking to each other on the phone.
It was when we were in a trip and his car broke down and he was in my car. We got into a fight and I kicked him out of my car in the middle of the country. I will never forget when he teared up. For the first time, he figured out that he couldn't trust me, he couldn't rely on me. And he knew, he had to watch out for himself. He was getting out of the military, all confused, scared and self questionable about his future.
I have cried so hard when I identified that moment with my therapist. It took alot of digging to figure out this moment. That's the first mean thing I have done to him. That's my responsibility piece of why we ended up with a destructive relationship with the right guy.
I don't see how people can see me and Jeff being together one day but it actually got mentioned more than once. I am more sure than not that we wouldn't try this again. If he goes to jail, I will be his friend and guide him through it by providing emotional and financial support. That's all I can do. I actually wish that people would not say that, I don't need hope, I need a happy ending with someone else.
But whatever, I guess someone sees something more than I do. I think that's why my family refuses for me to return to GA because they are scared that I will go back. My friends know that Jeff and I are not over, my family knows and the therapists but I know Jeff and I know me and I know how disgusted we both are out of this relationship. Then, I also know how badly we miss talking to each other on the phone.