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break down

Angelight

Angelight

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 2, 1999
Messages
3,006
Location
Long Island, NY, USA
I wish i could pound on the walls and scream
i want to throw an emotional fit.
Everyone always has their eyes on me
maybe i should just throw up my hands and give them a show.
I am so mad that you are gone
so fucked up over how alone i feel.
I promised myself i would never again have this feeling in the pit of my stomache...
Wishing i was someone else, someone else until you came home.
Everyone preaches at me to be strong
i am trying..
soo hard, so goddamn hard
but i just want to break down for once
and let the tears roll down my face in front of everyone.
I am sick of being the tough little girl.
The one who deals so well with her emotions
I want to kick and scream and throw things.
I want to curse and show everyone in this fucking world how mad i am.
I want you to come home
i want to hear your voice 8 million times a day.
Whispering 'i love you', or 'fuck you'
either one would do right now.
Today i cried in the shower, naked and alone
Sobbing and pulling at my hair.
Screaming for you too come home, when i know you can't.
God- everything i love is snatched from me...and i am tired of it, so very tired of being pulled at.
The worst feeling is knowing your as miserable as i am.
Hurting, and alone, not being able to hear my voice when you need or want to.
Laying there cold, and shivering...wishing things were different.
I am hurting so bad
hurting,
angry,
tired of this emotional roller coaster seat i am strapped to.
sick,
pathetic,
lost and above all
breaking down...without you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ange
 
ange :( if you wanna do that stuff, g'head. it won't bring him home, but it'll make you feel better. i'm not gonna tell you the time will fly, or that you gotta be strong. you and dave are amazingly strong as it is, with all you have overcome. it truly blows me away, and inspires me to do the same. but for now, do whatever it takes, whatever you need, to feel better. and know he'll be there just the same. if you need ANYTHING, let me know. my aim is Elle0705. i don't know if i should give you hugs...or maybe some glass vases to throw against the wall, or a golf club to beat shit with... ;)
 
Ange I tried to write something to reply to this but theres nothing I can say that would come out right and not sound like some weak offer of sympathy, i know you dont need that. youre in my thoughs and I hope your pain is as short as possible, and hopefully he'll be home sooner than you think.....I wish there was more i could say :(
love ant
 
Ange,
Baby, girl,, sitting reading that made me cry, I wish i could take all the pain away, but all I can say is look forward you... You know the what the future hold and this dark cloud that looms over at the moment is not a permanent one.
You know things will be fine,, keep your eyes on the future girl,,, end the end this is worth it, and your love will be even stronger!
cindi
 
i haven't said it in awhile... THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER!
sweetheart... i know the feeling all too well... this feeling right here:
I want you to come home
i want to hear your voice 8 million times a day.
Whispering 'i love you', or 'fuck you'
either one would do right now.
have faith. you'll get through this.
Click to expand...
 
Originally posted by Angelight:
Today i cried in the shower, naked and alone
Sobbing and pulling at my hair.
Screaming for you too come home, when i know you can't.
God- everything i love is snatched from me...and i am tired of it, so very tired of being pulled at.
The worst feeling is knowing your as miserable as i am.
Hurting, and alone, not being able to hear my voice when you need or want to.
Laying there cold, and shivering...wishing things were different.
I am hurting so bad
hurting,
angry,
tired of this emotional roller coaster seat i am strapped to.
sick,
pathetic,
lost and above all
breaking down...without you.
^^^ i go thru this everyday. Our situations not the same, but similar. You've always said things to make me feel better. and i hope i can do the same for you. Let it out :(
The struggle is not fair.
We're not put on this earth to live, we're put here to survive... <~ that's what i've convinced myself of lately.
and i guess only because u are strong, beautiful and determined to be happy.. you get the worst thrown at you... because you *will* get thru it... and you will be happy!~
(((ange)))
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Ange..... I love this poem, I just wish your situation didnt have to be so fucked for you to have written it.
but i just want to break down for once
and let the tears roll down my face in front of everyone.
I am sick of being the tough little girl.
The one who deals so well with her emotions
I want to kick and scream and throw things.
I want to curse and show everyone in this fucking world how mad i am. I hve felt like this soo many times, I go into my room, put on some angry hateful music and start screaming the words while I tear the posters from my walls and punch things and cry and.....nothing. I get about half way through the tantrum I feel I soo deserve and then it all stops. I realise that Im just acting and that all through this pain that im screaming out and using to break things, I feel empty inside. hmmm I dont know why Im telling you this other than to say, as much as anyone can, I know how it feels. youve got my addy if you need to get things off your chest, ok. *Big tight Hugs* Im thinking of you darls. love ant
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This is the saddest thing I have read in awhile. I am not going through this but I will be within the next month. Someone who means the world to me is going to prison and I am having so much trouble dealing with it. I am scared to death for him and hurting for him and I know it will only get worse. I don't know if your situation is the same, but whatever it is, I just want to say I'm sorry. I hope tings get better for you.
Everyone preaches at me to be strong
i am trying..
soo hard, so goddamn hard
but i just want to break down for once
and let the tears roll down my face in front of everyone.
I am sick of being the tough little girl.
The one who deals so well with her emotions
This part of the poem really hit home with me. I have dealt with those feelings for so long, but I doj't know if I will be able to be strong after he leaves. He is the one I am always brave for. I always smile for him...at least he won't be around to know I am not smiling. Hang in there...
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It's ok to break down when things fall apart. You're only human, and sometimes the only thing that makes sense it to beat on the walls and scream. Nothing can ease your suffering right now. And distancing yourself from yourself is not the way you do it. You're a sensitive gal, and you're on a ride that's still in motion. I feel for you. Be strong, that's all i can say. Look forward to a future where you can look back and be glad you survived. How are we doing? We're always 'better than some, worse than others'. When we think we're on top of it, it's good to see other people that are above us, it keeps us humble. And when we're in the vat of suffering, it's good to know that we don't have it as bad as others. There still is some mercy in this world. Hopefully we're all still healthy and alive.......
 
Sobbing and pulling at my hair.
Screaming for you too come home, when i know you can't.
I can so identify with that, i don't know what to say but *hugs*
 
i had forgotten this one. good choice of bumps.
angel, for things i can never fully tell you about, and reasons i cannot accurately explain,
thank you, for this.
 
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