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Boyfriend Has Zero Libido and Can't Maintain Erection or Reach Orgasm (Advice Needed)

dopemaster said:
This has so many red flags. I do not think it is just the oxycodone he is prescribed.

You said all you do is argue. What is so great about this relationship? It does not sound like the sex is too good either.

What is "oxy-rage?" That sounds kind of made up to me, like an excuse to never apologize. I just re-read your post. He throws things at you?

So this man abuses you, argues often, cannot perform sexually, and blames it all on his medication? Are you sure it's just not him?

Most all narcotic pain medications kills the male sex drive to some degree and really that is his problem and not yours, but you are making it yours.

This is after two weeks. Maybe if you were married it might be worth salvaging with therapy, but at two weeks you can just break up and move on with your life.

Just leave him.

You really do not want to be with someone who treats you that way regardless of their excuses. I find that with selfish argumentative people, they will blame everyone and everything but themselves. If you stay with him, he will eventually blame you for problems.

I do wonder what his good points are? (Seriously, does he have a really nice car, make alot of money, or something?)
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He throws things, but not at me. Oxy rage is just something I've always heard used around people who take the drugs for fun. I notice it in myself.. just a shorter fuse, easy to anger. I remember driving one day and beating my hands agaisnt the steering wheel until I bruised myself, just over some minor traffic. A lot of people tend to get irrationally irritated and angered while on opiates. Also, he isn't blaming it on his meds. I know it's at least half-way to blame on the meds, but I think there are many other contributing factors. I want to leave him, I'm ready and I tried to break it off tonight after reading a lot of these replies but he is so.. damaged and I care for him a lot. We've grown up together and he was my brother's best friend. He has helped me get over the loss of my brother and mother, and I helped him get thru a terrible divorce and the loss of custody of a child he thought was his but turned out to be another man's. The main problem is, I let him move into my apartment, and then I lost my job and let him convince me to stay home and concentrate on my graduate studies while he pays the bills. It all seemed to good to be true and now I see that it was. But he's moved half his shit into my place and his parents have met me and started refering to me as part of the family. Its all so complicated and messy now. He is really good to me when we aren't bickering, or having terrible sex. And the sex is good, when he's hard but it's impossible to keep him hard. He will commit to me, take care of me, give me anything i want or ask for. He's just difficult, irritable, selfish and spoiled. But I don't want to put up with a bunch of shit that will just breed resentment in me just to have a commited relationship and have my bills paid.
 
slidingforward said:
Well everyone has said what there is to be said. I'll just share my part and the issues my gf and I had to overcome. So erection... yeah thats iffy. Getting off on my part... next to impossible. She for the longest felt like a failure for not being able to get me off. I know its just the meds and she is starting to come around to that. I just make sure she ends on a good note and I am happy. The anger you are talking about... I get that every once in a while... not a throwing things or whatever but when the meds are wearing off I can be a little more irritable than my usual calm self. Just from person experience I noticed it much more when I was taking regular oxycodone(4-6hr).. when I switched to oxycontin(10-12hr) my mood is better and also lost most of the high feeling so it was a double bonus... pretty much just lessened the pain. Not saying these will fix the issues but its my experience.
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Thanks for sharing. I don't feel like a failure, because I know what the problem is. I am also on the same meds, but I take xanax and methadone with my oxycodone. I take the oxy for breakthru pain, and first thing in the morning because my methadone takes at least an hour to relieve any pain. The oxy helps me get out of bed and into my day productively, otherwise I can't really move due to my back injury and fibromyalgia.

What sucks is that I also cannot reach a full vaginal orgasm, just clitorial ones. So, I mean.. I'm in the same boat as he is but I don't flip out and I don't let it put me off making love. I still give it my all and I enjoy every minute of being physically intimate with someone. Sex isn't just about busting a nut for me. But he just.. loses it and turns it around on me. "I told you I didn't want to do anything! Now it hurts and I have blue balls!" that sort of shit. And he tells me I have an addiction to sex and that I'm a nymphomaniac.. which isn't true. I just like to have sex every night before I go to sleep. Especially since this is a new relationship, I feel like I'm missing out on that awesome, passionant sex of new relationships. I wish I could just see him without meds for a few days. I want to know if it's the meds, or if he has behavioral issues and anger management problems.
 
It seems like things are messy as you put it.

I would consider moving in with someone after two weeks to be a bit rash and something I would not do unless I was very hard up for money and a place to live, so that would be for all the wrong reasons.

I could see how since you have known him for a long time and never saw this side of him before you thought it was a good idea, especially since you wanted to go to school, but I don't think its gonna be a free ride or all that fun.

Seeing how it is your place, you do not have to let him move in. With this situation the longer it is drawn out, the worse it is likely to get.

Seeing how he threatened to kill himself when you tried to break up with him, that would be emotional blackmail or basically using guilt to manipulate. It kind of worked at least temporarily. I do not think that its the oxycodone there.

That sounds more like desperation. I dunno if it's because he really likes you or whether you seem like a good catch, it sounds more like a fixation or infatuation.

Also him calling you a nympho and then begging for sex after you attempting to break up as though sex would fix things is not good. All that BS about blue balls. Really, if he has a willing partner and cannot get off, it is kinda his fault that he cannot get off. Giving him a BJ for beyond an hour is beyond what is needed by far. Thats just a terrible sex life imo, separate from the other issues.

You won't ever know what he is like without pain medication because he is on a pretty high dose and people on pain medication tend to stay on it. You also do not need to be the answer to all his problems, which is what he may see you as, even though its not true as no person is the answer to your problems. You have to be able to take care of yourself and love yourself before you can do that for someone else.

So I suppose you can either take him as he is or leave him. I am guessing your gut is telling you one thing or you wouldn't be chatting on a somewhat anonymous forum.

I just think things are going to go bad for this guy and whether or not you want to be around for the collateral damage is up to you. I do not mean to come off as rude, I am just giving you my opinion.
 
I think if he wants to keep taking his meds or can't stop them he may need to look into more medication to fix his problem such as cialis or Viagra. It very well could be the oxy making him like this but he sounds like an extreme case.
 
On a guys end it can for sure feel like a failure thing... if it's one of those times the body is just not going to work then I do take staxyn. Like a viagra that melts under your tongue. On the flip side to that I'm usually so numb by that point I'm just going through the motions. Sex every night for me would almost cost more than my opiate habit.... Just me... Yeah nightly would actually be a lot of pressure... I would be then pressed between the girl I love and the addiction that I love and hate.... To perform nightly it would be staxyn 3 out of 7 nights(expensive)... And actual interest would maybe be once or twice a week. Which is a change from the 1-2 times per day for almost 2yrs. So changes had to be made on both of our ends to keep it all together... Another 2yrs later and we are still adjusting. She talked with her friends about it and their responses were usually he isn't into you, cheating, and one said porn.

Due to health reasons my ego had already been getting broken down long before opiates or my gf.... Made it easier to accept another body part not working. I bet for an average guy and especially if they stick to what the role of the male should be (hello 1950) then it could be interpreted as an attack on his status that sees himself in.

Anyways... I didn't start enjoying our sex again until it turned into more than just fucking.... So had to change how we had been approaching it.

When I am sharing this I am not condoning his behavior but your situation is complicated... Hard to beat having your own money.
 
RDP89 said:
I'm sorry to say it, but that guy just sounds like an asshole.
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this!

basically being high on a drug is no excuse for being aggressive. its just him being aggressive then going "oh its the oxy". and i do have experience with opiates so i know they can make you irritable but the only reason you are tolerating him is because you are taking lots of opiates too.

i think drugs or no drugs people behave how they want to and if they respect you will behave as such.
 
Ask the doctor to do a full blood panel on your boyfriend, he may have dodgy hormone levels. Opiate use and abuse can have serious effects of the primary male sex hormone testosterone, if this is a long term commitment to the oxys, if he has been on for a long period of time or will be on them for a while, your best option would be to ask thedoctor about TRT or testosterone replacement therapy.
It will significantly boost his mood, libido and energy.

Go see a doctor first.
 
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