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Boyfriend cheated on me with 3 different girls. Help, I'm destroyed.

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Totally understand you weren't picking on me, I would never take this guy back either, but if she decides to, It will be hard to have a good relationship if trust isn't re-established.
 
melizza17 said:
Thanks everyone for the advice. I am not taking him back as a boyfriend but as a friend. I talked to him on the phone this morning and he admits about being a screw up and making stupid choices. He says he's going to change, not for me to take him back but for himself. He thought he wasn't good enough for me based on the looks department, that he was really lucky to date a girl like me. I seemed to good to be true. He believed that in the beginning of the relationship, i was the one who was going to cheat on him because I am always getting hit on by guys almost on a daily basis.

As a friend, I told him that I am not going to take him back because what he did hurt me a lot but that I will be here as a friend. I just won't be seeing or hanging out with him for awhile because I'm not ready to see him. I still have feelings for him and he does too and I don't want to do something stupid like have sex with him. I told him that the only way we will keep in touch is for me to call him every once in awhile...like once or twice a week. Neither of us want to hook up or date other people for the time being because we are still emotionally attached to each other. I'm just going to give it time and see what happens.
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Sweetie you've just known him for a few months

when i was young about 15 i "dated" a guy that was 17 he was such a little whore/ and very insecure . it was silly i broke things off with him and moved on .... a few years later we started hanging out as "friends" and he ended up fucking a good friend in the bathroom of a club one one night we all went out . what a sleezze ball never spoke to his dumb ass again.. but moral of the story guys as such never change and are not good as friends just stay away hes a LOSERRRRRRRRRRR ! your hot hes not , he had his chance now BYE BYE ..
 
not only did he cheat three times (and tried to excuse it by saying they were ugly?), but he also had sex with a 15 year old??

you could write a hundred pages of good things about this guy but it wouldn't come close to making up for the fact that he's a complete and utter sack of shit.
 
Hey everyones being a bit tough on the poor guy, let those who are without sin cast the first stone?
Maybe if we asked his mates we will find out that you slept with 3 or 4 of his mates too?
Anyway it doesn't count cause A. He was drunk and B. They were fugly... fat and ugly, anyway people make mistakes its called being human right. And the poor fellah seems genuinely remorseful and sorry he cant eat or sleep he's in real emotional pain and I'm sure he has learnt from this and will change his ways. I know you do really still care for him and want him back or you would not have posted on this forum and kicked his butt to the kerb right?
 
^ All good except the last bit - don't take him back...not that you're going to, it will not be good for him - he won't break his cycle of shame, and you will just get fucked again.

Just turn the other cheek, and see him in the future sometime.
 
Hey hun, I'm really sorry this happened to you. I can't even imagine how terrible this must feel.

But DON'T take him back.

He needs to grow up. He is immature. A lot of guys at that age (girls too, but we are focusing on guys in this situation) are still pretty immature. I'm 20 like you and a lot of them are still jerks and immature. Some of them will grow up - some of them won't.

Tell him to contact you in a couple years if he has grown up. Seriously. People DO change. But he needs to learn his lesson. Besides, if you know he will be around in a couple of years, you can just wait it out. And meet new guys while you're at it. There are TONS of attractive, fun, nice, smart guys out there!
 
DrugFuckedNZ said:
Hey everyones being a bit tough on the poor guy, let those who are without sin cast the first stone?
Maybe if we asked his mates we will find out that you slept with 3 or 4 of his mates too?
Anyway it doesn't count cause A. He was drunk and B. They were fugly... fat and ugly, anyway people make mistakes its called being human right. And the poor fellah seems genuinely remorseful and sorry he cant eat or sleep he's in real emotional pain and I'm sure he has learnt from this and will change his ways. I know you do really still care for him and want him back or you would not have posted on this forum and kicked his butt to the kerb right?
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Wait, it doesn't count because they were drunk? It most certainly does. Being drunk is NEVER an excuse when it comes to something like this. What excuse does he have? What, he tripped, fell, and impaled three different vaginas on the way down? I doubt it. He made the CHOICE to get fucked up around other women knowing full well what it could lead to (especially after his first endeavor, you would think he would know better than to put himself in that situation again had he really wanted to be with this girl).

I'm not even going to touch on the whole "it doesn't count because they were fugly" part because there's no need for it. It's obviously a silly notion.

As far as him being upset goes, it sounds to me like he's more upset about getting caught than anything else. He didn't say anything until he got caught so I'm thinking he would've kept it hidden while making the same "mistakes" again (a.k.a. as cheating).

Aaanyway, someone else said she'll look back in a few years on this and say, "What was I doing with this guy?" That person couldn't have said it better! I'm not trying to demean younger couples but how many people end up with the person they were dating at age 18/19? People change, grow, and learn more than ever at that point in life. That's not to say someone shouldn't even bother with a relationship if they're young though. I'm just saying that chances are it won't last forever as peoples' ideas of what they want in a partner change over time.

Dude sounds so immature, selfish, and childish. OP, if so many people are responding with "lose him!" then it's probably a good idea to listen. A lot of people have taken time to help you out because they see a great injustice was done and you deserve better. Please realize this!
 
Yeah you should break up w/ him. I dated a girl for 2 yrs and cheated on her like 3 times throughout that time. I seriously regret it now, but I can honestly say that i'm sure it was because of my insecurity issues that lead to cheating on my BEAUTIFUL AWESOME GIRLFRIEND with less attractive less awesome more slutty chicks.

Ya dig? You don't that right now, because he doesn't know what he wants and neither did I (even though I was much younger 15-17, 18 now and have massive regrets & miss the girl everyday)
 
DrugFuckedNZ said:
Hey everyones being a bit tough on the poor guy, let those who are without sin cast the first stone?
Maybe if we asked his mates we will find out that you slept with 3 or 4 of his mates too?
Anyway it doesn't count cause A. He was drunk and B. They were fugly... fat and ugly, anyway people make mistakes its called being human right. And the poor fellah seems genuinely remorseful and sorry he cant eat or sleep he's in real emotional pain and I'm sure he has learnt from this and will change his ways. I know you do really still care for him and want him back or you would not have posted on this forum and kicked his butt to the kerb right?
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these reasons make him more of a loser... oh and lots can cast that stone because a kind hearted person does not do that.

so its excused because there ugly ...pfftt. i always say "if your going to cheat on me it better be with a bitch thats hotter, cooler and fucks better then i do , if not wtf is the point "

for reall i would be more upset if the girl was a nasty mutt bucket, if the girl was irresistible i understand
 
DrugFuckedNZ said:
Hey everyones being a bit tough on the poor guy, let those who are without sin cast the first stone?
Maybe if we asked his mates we will find out that you slept with 3 or 4 of his mates too?
Anyway it doesn't count cause A. He was drunk and B. They were fugly... fat and ugly, anyway people make mistakes its called being human right. And the poor fellah seems genuinely remorseful and sorry he cant eat or sleep he's in real emotional pain and I'm sure he has learnt from this and will change his ways. I know you do really still care for him and want him back or you would not have posted on this forum and kicked his butt to the kerb right?
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This post just makes you seem like as much as an ass as this guy is.

I'll cast a stone because I've never done anything close to this
 
DrugFuckedNZ said:
...I'm sure he has learnt from this and will change his ways.
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he didn't change his ways after the first time.

he didn't change his ways after the second time.

what makes you sure he'll change his way after the third time?

and "i was drunk" is the lamest excuse. he needs to take responsibility for what he did.

alasdair
 
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I agree with almost everyone here. I will NOT take him back, the pain he put me through was so unbearable, he does not deserve a second chance. I know he sincerely regrets it but he's just going to have to deal with the consequences. Since I am a selfless and forgiving person, I will still be his friend. He was my best friend for those 3 months and he's one of those few people I felt completely comfortable being with since I am usually shy and reserved. If any of you would've met my ex, he would not come off as a douche bag but as a humble and nice person. Everyone was seriously shocked when they found out he was a cheater. I'm still in shock but I have learned to accept it and move on. I won't see him for at least a month because I need time to heal. I still miss him everyday but I need time and space for myself to figure out what I really want to do. I just know that kicking him out of my life completely will only make the healing harder for me. I still need him in my life even though I am fully aware that there is no future between me and him as a couple.


Thank you everyone for the advice, it helped tremendously :)
 
melizza17 said:
I just know that kicking him out of my life completely will only make the healing harder for me. I still need him in my life even though I am fully aware that there is no future between me and him as a couple.
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I think it's more like the opposite. If you open yourself to get yourself sucked into his BS again, that's what will probably happen.. again..

Best of luck!!!
 
oh and by the way - if he has admitted to 3 other girls, in reality its more like 5 or 6. one of them is too ugly to admit to himself, 2 of them are probably friends of yours that he cant bear to face the truth over as well.

not trying to be a dick, just being real. honesty, loyalty, and integrity are fairly well linked together. fail on one attribute and you likely fail all three.

its not so strange a phenomenon for a man to cheat on his S.O. with someone far less attractive. humans are not meant to be a monogamous species, youre totally fooling around with evolution's social controls by demanding a state so unnatural. sure, people can stay loyal and true their whole lives, it doesnt make it a natural existence tho. its also no justification for any foul play either. just saying, nature has a demand for such things, its something to consider before demanding monogamy from any partner.

stop worrying so much about healing or pain or anything like that. grow out of this situation a stronger and more readily prepared individual. youre living in the past, and clinging to an idea that never existed in the first place. living in the past, or living in the future, makes for a life of failed expectations. live in the present moment, always.
 
Guys like that, no matter how they feel about a girl, will cheat. Run away, fast. The pain you feel now will subside, the pain of an unfaithful partner is constant, and brutal.
 
I really hate the "I was drunk" excuse too. Man, lame. How are you holding up, OP?

Like masta said, he's a cheater and obviously too lame to even own up to what he did. I've even dated the stereotypical bad boy who doesn't cheat. Being drunk is not an excuse at all. Stay away from this guy. He isn't a bad boy who made a mistake. He's just a douchebag.
 
no!!! dont take this ass hole back what are u thinking there are many guys out there who would love to treat you like a princess and will love u .
he will never change and dont waist your time and listen to his bullshit hes been using on all the other girls
go on and i promise ull get over it
 
i would personally dump the loser, he must have been really pissed to fuck 3 unattractive women. especially when he had a hot chic waiting at home for him. if you didn't want to dump him, get revenge on him by sleeping with 3 guys. and saying were now equal.
 
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