skjalff
Bluelighter
A while ago i posted a thread titled "Now he is god" and said that it was just a sketch for the memory and that i was going to make it into a short story. Took me a while since I took long breaks while working on it. Please don't be turned off by the length. I really hope you like it. Any comments and critiques are very welcome - i really want to know your opinion and your thoughts on this..
______ Imagine a child among the bliss of eternal summer. His parents love him more than anything that has ever been in their lives. He has grand-parents for whom he has become the only purpose of living in the sunset of their days. He plays in the yard with other kids and every time his Mother lets him outside, she tells him not to go across the road. He does not. He plays in the yard and the mysterious world on the other side of the road does not concern him much.
______ Days go by and he is already turning three. One morning soon after his birthday, he wakes up with a thought in his head, an image, some itch that he cannot put his finger on or even fully perceive its presence. He unknowingly tries to ignore it, but he can’t, and the harder he tries to pay no attention to it the more it bothers him. Meanwhile, the image does not remain unchanged anymore, instead it spawns ever-changing arrays of foreign, intangible mental constructs, which create a cocoon around the original image. It is when the boy is playing in his sandbox and is about to return home, that the cocoon stirs and slowly falls apart. All that is left is a question. Where does the road start? The answer comes quickly and forcefully; even before the child understands that the question has been asked. It comes from both outside and within him: The Beginning. As the boy sits there in the sand confused about what just transpired, a man passes by his sandbox and the child watches him ever so slowly cross the road. The boy then gets up and starts walking; absent smile gleaming on his puffy lips. His parents will never see him again; they will be left alone with their grief and their broken hearts. Many would agree that something that never had a beginning cannot possibly have an end, yet they would still feel it necessary to mourn the non-being and to regret. Regret.
______ The child, however, knows neither regret nor fear. He wanders off into the unknown to never look back and to never return. He does not remember his parents very well, his mind is pure and unstained by embedded ethics and philosophies, by fear and doubt and regret. He does not think about what direction to take for they all seem equally sensible. He gets food from people when he gets hungry, he gets shelter, he thanks the people who granted him their kindness and in the morning he moves off again into the unknown. Over the years he grows up along his journey, at times he might be going back and forth in a loop when he finds something he seeks: some contentment, perhaps comfort, but then he moves on because his mind is a creation of his own and he wants to continue his endless trip. Though he is unaware of it, he is constantly being looked over by someone, someone who has seen him first leave home many years ago, someone who kept him out of the harm's way all through his childhood being a shadow hand that made every person the child met to be kind-hearted and compassionate. When he had first seen the boy set off, he knew that this child was one of the very few people who belong not to their kind, but to the world itself.
______ When the boy turns sixteen he meets a stranger on some god-forsaken bus-stop. The stranger has very unusual eyes - green in color, same as one would see every day walking on the street, but very cold, devoid of any feeling or emotion, completely empty. The boy looks at him and instantly knows that he has seen this man a long time ago, but not where or when. The stranger talks to him and says that he knows who he is and had known him all his life; that he has a gift for him, but whether to take it or not is his decision, which he has a life-time to make. The stranger offers him life beyond any limit and without an end, infinity of solitude and contemplation; offers him release from his sapiens form and into a higher being, not invulnerable, but immortal. “How much time do you need to make your choice?”- He asks. “None,” – comes the boy’s answer. The man smiles, he knew what the answer would be. This child cannot be influenced, his actions cannot be easily predicted; fate has no power over him. His mind is free. But free spirit is unflinching, it cannot be stirred and that is why the ones who are truly free have no control over their chosen course - they will do as they will and this is their doom. The man knows it well, “I expected nothing less from you, - he says, - I know you will not regret it.” The boy does not feel any different, but he knows that the man has kept his promise. There is no need for more words and so they part. The boy will never again see his guardian angel and neither will any other man of Earth.
______ As time passes by, comes the realization, that any and all of his goals and aspirations were directly and exclusively dictated by his mortality; that any achievable goal he has ever set for himself was finite in nature and thus was but a shadow cast by the limited life span granted by his genetic build. As the concept of his newly acquired immortality gradually sinks in, the colors fade. Everything he has ever thought of or desired or did is but ash and dust to the being he is now turning into. There is a new voice in his head that whispers to him of hope and despair, of love and treachery, of life and death, and of how little it all really means to him. It tells him of true power – of dying and ascending stars, of the entire worlds put to their knees, of countless obstacles that are to be overcome, of new goals that must be set - infinite as the universe itself. He does not yet know what these goals will be but the images of power and wonder are already stirring in his mind. He catches glimpses of things so arcane that they could only be claimed through curiosity so savage, insatiable, and driving that it would have to engulf all other thoughts and feelings, the ego itself in order to perpetuate.
______ Thus ends his adolescence. He keeps roaming the world and sometimes gets caught in a loop where he doesn’t move any place new, but creates a cycle, it could be a relationship, it could be a confinement, it could be a maze which he is struggling to solve and leave, but his immortality outlasts relationships and eventually crumbles the walls, and he is on with his journey. He never dies and in some time he is able to set his foot on every square inch of the planet's surface, he feels confined for he is lonely and there is no place that he hasn't been to. Given enough time and constantly accumulating knowledge,however, he eventually finds a way to leave this world for another. He wanders the distant planet for ages, but he never dies and eventually he outlasts it and moves on to the new and unknown worlds. Forever. Forever accumulating knowledge. Infinity.
______ As eons flow by him, he becomes more and more powerful, his eyes lose their lively quality; nothing stirs his emotions any longer or affects him in anyway at all. His curiosity, however, transforms and mutates and persists in different shapes and forms as he comes closer to reaching the absolute. The transition from homo-sapiens to the child of the universe has reached its end.
______ Now he is god. His power is sufficient to grant immortality to any living creature as he sees fit. Feeling joy for the first time in millennia, he offers eternal life to the beings he meets. But no one would accept his gift. Or if someone accepts it, it would turn out that they cannot live with it and would end their own lives after several natural life spans. That makes the immortal sad for the first time in millennia, for as humans spawn humans so does his kind needs to spawn its likeness. It is an instinct no living creature is devoid of. He thinks of the man who made him into what he is as his father... and now he wants a child of his own. He has created myriads of worlds and given life to countless organisms, yet he could never find a way to create another god - his equal.
______ The immortal soon realizes that the gift of immortality is but a seed, it can inoculate the one who accepts it, but it is his mind that would have to give birth to a god. Thus he starts looking for a being capable of such transformation, a being born of the universe. And after eternity of searching, in a galaxy infinitely far from his own genetic cradle he sees a child, a little girl walking alone across a snow-veiled field with her eyes wide open - not in fear but in curiosity..
skjalff
______ Imagine a child among the bliss of eternal summer. His parents love him more than anything that has ever been in their lives. He has grand-parents for whom he has become the only purpose of living in the sunset of their days. He plays in the yard with other kids and every time his Mother lets him outside, she tells him not to go across the road. He does not. He plays in the yard and the mysterious world on the other side of the road does not concern him much.
______ Days go by and he is already turning three. One morning soon after his birthday, he wakes up with a thought in his head, an image, some itch that he cannot put his finger on or even fully perceive its presence. He unknowingly tries to ignore it, but he can’t, and the harder he tries to pay no attention to it the more it bothers him. Meanwhile, the image does not remain unchanged anymore, instead it spawns ever-changing arrays of foreign, intangible mental constructs, which create a cocoon around the original image. It is when the boy is playing in his sandbox and is about to return home, that the cocoon stirs and slowly falls apart. All that is left is a question. Where does the road start? The answer comes quickly and forcefully; even before the child understands that the question has been asked. It comes from both outside and within him: The Beginning. As the boy sits there in the sand confused about what just transpired, a man passes by his sandbox and the child watches him ever so slowly cross the road. The boy then gets up and starts walking; absent smile gleaming on his puffy lips. His parents will never see him again; they will be left alone with their grief and their broken hearts. Many would agree that something that never had a beginning cannot possibly have an end, yet they would still feel it necessary to mourn the non-being and to regret. Regret.
______ The child, however, knows neither regret nor fear. He wanders off into the unknown to never look back and to never return. He does not remember his parents very well, his mind is pure and unstained by embedded ethics and philosophies, by fear and doubt and regret. He does not think about what direction to take for they all seem equally sensible. He gets food from people when he gets hungry, he gets shelter, he thanks the people who granted him their kindness and in the morning he moves off again into the unknown. Over the years he grows up along his journey, at times he might be going back and forth in a loop when he finds something he seeks: some contentment, perhaps comfort, but then he moves on because his mind is a creation of his own and he wants to continue his endless trip. Though he is unaware of it, he is constantly being looked over by someone, someone who has seen him first leave home many years ago, someone who kept him out of the harm's way all through his childhood being a shadow hand that made every person the child met to be kind-hearted and compassionate. When he had first seen the boy set off, he knew that this child was one of the very few people who belong not to their kind, but to the world itself.
______ When the boy turns sixteen he meets a stranger on some god-forsaken bus-stop. The stranger has very unusual eyes - green in color, same as one would see every day walking on the street, but very cold, devoid of any feeling or emotion, completely empty. The boy looks at him and instantly knows that he has seen this man a long time ago, but not where or when. The stranger talks to him and says that he knows who he is and had known him all his life; that he has a gift for him, but whether to take it or not is his decision, which he has a life-time to make. The stranger offers him life beyond any limit and without an end, infinity of solitude and contemplation; offers him release from his sapiens form and into a higher being, not invulnerable, but immortal. “How much time do you need to make your choice?”- He asks. “None,” – comes the boy’s answer. The man smiles, he knew what the answer would be. This child cannot be influenced, his actions cannot be easily predicted; fate has no power over him. His mind is free. But free spirit is unflinching, it cannot be stirred and that is why the ones who are truly free have no control over their chosen course - they will do as they will and this is their doom. The man knows it well, “I expected nothing less from you, - he says, - I know you will not regret it.” The boy does not feel any different, but he knows that the man has kept his promise. There is no need for more words and so they part. The boy will never again see his guardian angel and neither will any other man of Earth.
______ As time passes by, comes the realization, that any and all of his goals and aspirations were directly and exclusively dictated by his mortality; that any achievable goal he has ever set for himself was finite in nature and thus was but a shadow cast by the limited life span granted by his genetic build. As the concept of his newly acquired immortality gradually sinks in, the colors fade. Everything he has ever thought of or desired or did is but ash and dust to the being he is now turning into. There is a new voice in his head that whispers to him of hope and despair, of love and treachery, of life and death, and of how little it all really means to him. It tells him of true power – of dying and ascending stars, of the entire worlds put to their knees, of countless obstacles that are to be overcome, of new goals that must be set - infinite as the universe itself. He does not yet know what these goals will be but the images of power and wonder are already stirring in his mind. He catches glimpses of things so arcane that they could only be claimed through curiosity so savage, insatiable, and driving that it would have to engulf all other thoughts and feelings, the ego itself in order to perpetuate.
______ Thus ends his adolescence. He keeps roaming the world and sometimes gets caught in a loop where he doesn’t move any place new, but creates a cycle, it could be a relationship, it could be a confinement, it could be a maze which he is struggling to solve and leave, but his immortality outlasts relationships and eventually crumbles the walls, and he is on with his journey. He never dies and in some time he is able to set his foot on every square inch of the planet's surface, he feels confined for he is lonely and there is no place that he hasn't been to. Given enough time and constantly accumulating knowledge,however, he eventually finds a way to leave this world for another. He wanders the distant planet for ages, but he never dies and eventually he outlasts it and moves on to the new and unknown worlds. Forever. Forever accumulating knowledge. Infinity.
______ As eons flow by him, he becomes more and more powerful, his eyes lose their lively quality; nothing stirs his emotions any longer or affects him in anyway at all. His curiosity, however, transforms and mutates and persists in different shapes and forms as he comes closer to reaching the absolute. The transition from homo-sapiens to the child of the universe has reached its end.
______ Now he is god. His power is sufficient to grant immortality to any living creature as he sees fit. Feeling joy for the first time in millennia, he offers eternal life to the beings he meets. But no one would accept his gift. Or if someone accepts it, it would turn out that they cannot live with it and would end their own lives after several natural life spans. That makes the immortal sad for the first time in millennia, for as humans spawn humans so does his kind needs to spawn its likeness. It is an instinct no living creature is devoid of. He thinks of the man who made him into what he is as his father... and now he wants a child of his own. He has created myriads of worlds and given life to countless organisms, yet he could never find a way to create another god - his equal.
______ The immortal soon realizes that the gift of immortality is but a seed, it can inoculate the one who accepts it, but it is his mind that would have to give birth to a god. Thus he starts looking for a being capable of such transformation, a being born of the universe. And after eternity of searching, in a galaxy infinitely far from his own genetic cradle he sees a child, a little girl walking alone across a snow-veiled field with her eyes wide open - not in fear but in curiosity..
skjalff
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This sentence of yours totally grows inside me the more i read it. I havent seen any new writings of yours in a while.. when is the day?.. 
