Random Thought-of-the-moment: I've always liked words. Words, as mathematics to some people, always made sense to me.
----
I have encountered the most profound of problems in my day-to-day life: I become entirely, thoroughly, disablingly bored with life and its options. Sometimes, I'll struggle to comprehend the thought of spending another sixteen hours awake without some kind of stimulation - something to look forward to. It's driven me to thoughts of using diamorphine plenty a time in the recent weeks.
And, honestly, I feel like I exhaust every option. Browsing the web, DJ'ing a bit/looking for new tracks, reading, smoking a hookah and listening to music, art, daydreaming... none of it interests me for too long and, before noon has arrived, I've exhausted my list of "reasons to be awake" for the day!
Taking larger amounts of benzodiazepines and smoking to fill those empty hours has taken its toll, too, and I worry about that a lot. I just finished with alcohol as it was dominating my life for these very reasons.
I've been hiding this internal battle with addictions motivations from my girlfriend, with whom I live in close quarters, because of her lack of honest exposure to the more gritty natures of substance use/abuse. I'm proud of her diligence and restraint, and encourage it - however, it's truly tough hiding these internal urges from someone so close to you because of fear of reprisal.
And heroin seems so forgiving.
(8))
I'm a tad mixed up right now; each day seems no better than the next, and I'm sure it's not the result of some latent depressive symptoms. If it were, I'd be aware.
Keeping oneself busy is more difficult than it sounds. But I'm beginning to think that applies to just about everything these days.
~ vaya
----
I have encountered the most profound of problems in my day-to-day life: I become entirely, thoroughly, disablingly bored with life and its options. Sometimes, I'll struggle to comprehend the thought of spending another sixteen hours awake without some kind of stimulation - something to look forward to. It's driven me to thoughts of using diamorphine plenty a time in the recent weeks.
And, honestly, I feel like I exhaust every option. Browsing the web, DJ'ing a bit/looking for new tracks, reading, smoking a hookah and listening to music, art, daydreaming... none of it interests me for too long and, before noon has arrived, I've exhausted my list of "reasons to be awake" for the day!
Taking larger amounts of benzodiazepines and smoking to fill those empty hours has taken its toll, too, and I worry about that a lot. I just finished with alcohol as it was dominating my life for these very reasons.
I've been hiding this internal battle with addictions motivations from my girlfriend, with whom I live in close quarters, because of her lack of honest exposure to the more gritty natures of substance use/abuse. I'm proud of her diligence and restraint, and encourage it - however, it's truly tough hiding these internal urges from someone so close to you because of fear of reprisal.
And heroin seems so forgiving.
(8))
I'm a tad mixed up right now; each day seems no better than the next, and I'm sure it's not the result of some latent depressive symptoms. If it were, I'd be aware.
Keeping oneself busy is more difficult than it sounds. But I'm beginning to think that applies to just about everything these days.
~ vaya
