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bored and tempted

cjh1221

cjh1221

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2013
Messages
150
Location
Extreme North East U.S.
I have been clean (not dependant) for 30 days. I have had a fair share of relapses in the month's time. I still have thoughts of occasional use, even though I really want to be totally clean. I have super easy access to opiates, that makes it soooo much harder. I cleaned up using lope and it was so amazingly easy I had myself thinking I wasnt even dependent in the first place haha.
Now I cant think about anything but getting high. Any. Way. Possible. All the time. It was really the only thing I had to look forward to during the last 2 years, every single day. It was my only bright spot. Now I have nothing to look forward to. I guess im just looking for some advice, words of wisdom, venting, I dont know. I fear I will keep using whenever I can sneak it and go right back to where I was before. It is a very real possibility at this point. Sigh.
 
I would say don't do anything and try to distance yourself from anything in the way of your well being.
 
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Indeed, congratulations for 30 days! Keep moving forward! :)
When it comes to cravings keep in mind that those wishful thoughts do not last that long although it seems to take forever. Instead of living one day at a time you can always build your own strategy -- live one hour at a time and keep postponing. With time you get used to them and it gets easier. Good luck!!
 
Try what I'm doing: I love Lucid Dreaming, the 'high' a proper dream give me is BETTER than nodding on 3g poppy latex (no kidding). Maybe it's because I learned to meditate but I can do anything in my dreams .....

The point is, Lucid Dreaming requires you do 'I'm awake' exercises during the day, so you do it when dreaming and wake up in your dream. Whenever I have a craving (quit opium and vaping in last month) i do an exercise. Confuses the hell out of the cravings, though it's made me a bit obsessed with dreaming now .. Which, I can't state enough, is AWESOME.

Quickly, two exercises are to try to poke a finger through your hand (you can do that in your dreams, that's how you tell) or pinch your nose shut and try to breathe. Focus on being alive, try to remember what you did 5, 10 minutes ago. Feel alive IRL. Once you've had a good dream (don't forget to do exercises in your dream to deepen the experience) you'll be hooked. Start a dream journal then to help with recall; after a few years the memories from dreaming seem as real as realily. No drugs needed to fly, f*** or do anything you could dream of! Did I mention it can be more intense than almost any chemical .. Try falling backwards through space for example;)
 
Just food for thought, some people don't get a month of sobriety. They keep relapsing until an untimely death.

Use that knowledge to your benefit; maybe you were meant to stay clean, to have a good life :) I've just had so many friends pass away over the years. Don't throw away your sobriety so readily <3
 
Lots to think about here...lots of good advice. Its tough but I have a good support system so im hoping this time is the last time. Its such a beast, I wish everyone could understand BEFORE they got themselves in my position. Its like a cancer they can never cure.
 
"Its like a cancer they can never cure." you said. I disagree! Some things just take forever to heal, but it does happen. There's a saying that the body totally renews itself every seven years. In that many years you'll have forgotten your cravings, I'm sure
 
True, those who have been where I am now could probably vouch for it but right now it seems like I should be facing a small ant hill, i always thought the hard part was acute WD, and instead its like im staring up at Everest.
I guess I was just so gung-ho in the beginning and thats starting to fade now that ive come to realize that I had it backwards. First ant hill, then Everest.

Once the WD died down I was faced with reality. Hard thing to have staring you down after having avoided it for so many years. Adulting used to be bearable, as long as I was altered in some way. Now, not so much.

I do want to let everyone know how much I appreciate the advice and well-wishes. Today is day one of tough-time for me. I am flush with cash and much unlike when I was actively using, it seems there is someone begging me to come buy their FIRE everywhere I turn....when I was junkin', I was lucky to find one out of 10 connects that had even mediocre shit. Guess thats the way life goes. If I dont get kicked while I am down, it just tells me I have further to fall before life puts the boots to me.

On a serious note, having a good support system is helpful but its nice to have someone to bounce things off that has been there....thanks everyone for listening <3
 
Kudos on your 1 month - that's huge!!!! Captain.Heroin is correct - a lot of users don't even make it that far, they stay stuck in that cycle until they die. Personally, I have always felt that the more sober time you can get the closer you are to sobriety, even if there are relapses - it's all part of the sobriety process. I worked tirelessly for about 8 years to get healthy, and there were some rehabs stays, out patient, intensive out patient, group, therapy, psychiatrist and various meds. It was a long hard journey, but I was persistent and now have two years clean - never thought it would happen to me.

Get a handle of the mental health issues that are driving you to use - it may be painful but it is so worth it in the end. I found once I dealt with the mental health piece, getting sober and staying sober was significantly easier.

If you are really struggling with cravings and really want sobriety consider getting the Vivitrol shot or naltrexone pills. The shot works better than the pills , and reduces cravings and anxiety, and blocks any pleasurableeffects should you use. It lasts for 30 days. It gets a bum rap because its forces on a lot of people who aren't ready to quit, which isn't right. I got the shot on my last day of rehab and stayed on it for 8 months - haven't had a craving in two years.

Good luck!
 
Congrats on your first thirty days. You are doing awesome not giving into those cravings. One thing I noticed for myself is that I had a rough withdrawal but it left me not wanting to use, however as soon as PAWS hit bad (~30day mark) it was all I could think of. I kept really busy in rehab. Once I was out of rehab I was staring a very overwhelming life down.

I worked with my therapist to break it into more manageable chunks. One of my addictive traits is wanting to finish something I have started right then and there. It led me to work seven days a week all day and still wish I had more time to complete tasks. Remember, you do not have to do everything at once. Take life piecemeal for awhile until you have built up a stride, and know what and what you are not capable of.

It has been a year and a half and I still get overwhelmed by life quite a bit of the time.
 
I was feeling great yesterday good day. At 11 PM I went for a walk, walked past a bar and cravings kicked in (Friday night freak hoes etc) kept walking, they went away.

I was surprised because I had zero craving all day, this shits sneaky gotta keep going to meetings.)
 
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