Mental Health Borderline Personality Disorder

[Sweet P]

BPD DOES NOT EXIST PEOPLE

It's a label given to those who understand more than others so they can try to change who you really are inside and re-repress you back into financial and medical slavery.

Give it time. You'll figure it out. All you haven't figured out is that life is supposed to be FUCKING HARDER before it gets better. It takes more than a year or two to get in the flow of your own life. Stop letting who you are get created by the thoughts given to you and create your own. There are no opposites, or extremes, only the balance.


People who are diagnosed with this are some of the most wonderful people alive and in this NEW AGE are the ones who will be changing the world. You need to stop looking at it like you are behaving wrong, and just learn to work with the intensity or your emotions, and push it into a better place.

Forget this medical system. It's trying to change YOU. Your reliance on others links over to the doctors too. So when you're relying in your mind on docs to help you figure out how to get better. You're letting the doctors create your mind for you. And all you're doing is transferring your "BPD" symptoms over to the doctors. YOU need to figure it out. The treatment is for the weak and if YOU want to go on meds forever and eventually poison your bloodline and permanently become the same as everyone else. Instead of just BEING a person.

All personalities are different. Don't fucking rely on MEDICAL SYSTEM to make you think that WHO YOU REALLY ARE INSIDE is diseased or wrong in some way. You just need time and more experiences to help you learn what you really need more. You rely on what told for you that you need and don't think of what you actually do.

Just give it time. Fuck this behavioral modification shit! Get out of America while you still have a chance. It's not you it's SOCIETY. So change what that is to you..

Yes, BPD is a label. It's a label given to people who suffer from a certain set of negative psychological issues, mostly so that doctors know which course of treatment is most appropriate. Go look it up the DSM-IV. The rest of your post seems to be "fuck the system" crap which I won't bother replying to. Judging by your strange ranting, I'm guessing you'd fit the criterea of one or more mental disorders as well.

 

[yo_bot]

when i do alot of heroin i feel i have another persona and i often will not remember things i did. i'm well behaved i just act very silly. i'm not sure if that counts but it only happens when i use alot of drugs.

 

[Sweet P]

^ No, that's not BPD. Just drug related effects.

 

[Cloudburst]

This makes me reflect... [Note the initial negativity is not a flame or anything like that, it eventually leads to a point, read on]

I've basically came out of a pseudo-relationship with a woman I met at the hospital (stupid, stupid, I know). She at first claimed to be bipolar so I had no clue about the BPD (perhaps the stigma... fact that it's worse than fucking bipolar says a lot). Without this knowledge she made me extremely bitter and I couldn't understand why. I'm (profoundly) deaf and she insisted we talk on the phone instead of communicating through text or IM. Well, that says a lot... Though I am a very exceptional case in that I have high literacy and can speak fluently with only the slightest nasal hint, it was extremely rude that she wouldn't answer some of my calls after I displayed enough care to actually play along with this disrespect for my physical disability and call her out of deep infatuation. If I was lucky, she'd pick up and tell me to leave her alone. This wasn't PMS, I could tell you that much. Another day, she'd repeatedly tell me she loved me and I'd have to visit her an 1.5hrs away (though I had no insurance) so we could show our feelings for each other. I would reciprocate that phrase the very next day, "I love you," (on the phone... again) with her chastising me for it. What the hell? Eventually she revealed she had BPD and the pieces fell in place, not that it made things any less turbulent. Regardless, we drifted apart with time.

Another friend of mine had warned me this was headed for disaster and like any love-stricken creature, I ignored him. He had personal experience himself with a BPD girlfriend and I firsthand witnessed their relationship unraveling to hell. He would later tell me "never date a BPD."

Until just now, I had thought that BPD, as a personality, could thus be altered and reversed. That they were just whiny and I was the one having to deal with the permanent condition. Now I understand that I am wrong, and it is not that simple. Sweet P is a good example of how ignorant I was, she's been a great person to talk to that I've never felt the slightest hint of malice from. It was very hypocritical of me to feel such an intense resentment of society for discriminating the mentally ill and yet reject those with personality disorders. I apologize.

 

[Sweet P]

Sweet P is a good example of how ignorant I was, she's been a great person to talk to that I've never felt the slightest hint of malice from. It was very hypocritical of me to feel such an intense resentment of society for discriminating the mentally ill and yet reject those with personality disorders. I apologize.

Thanks. Trust me, I have my moments of anger and malice (all my ex partners will confirm this!), but I guess I internalise most of it and it usually doesn't reflect in my posts here.

 

[Cloudburst]

That's more than I can say for myself, I can get extremely unpleasant to be around. Keep at it. I can see what you mean about posts not fully reflecting the person, but I'd just say it doesn't show all the details but at least gives you an idea of what type of person one is as a whole, even if it is in a way that other factors are not considered. Regardless of labels, everyone is an individual.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I never thought of it like that, but it's so true. I'm seem to be a bit of both, though I guess it does depend on the situation. When I lash out at others I'm never violent - I just say nasty/manipulative things and make their lives as difficult as I possibly can. I know it's a shitty thing to do, but if something or someone triggers me, my emotions just take over.

Every psychiatrist I've seen has agreed with my diagnosis (which honestly doesn't mean a lot to me - it's just a label), and yet my drug counsellor is constantly questioning the diagnosis because I'm not like other people with BPD who she's encountered in the past. She doesn't seem to realise that there is a lot of variation in people diagnosed with BPD, and we're not all the same!

Exactly P! BPD has many different "forms" so to speak. Anxiety and depression can even be varied to some degree, but BPD varies quite a bit.

Not every depressed person is going to seem the same either.

I can tell you have a pretty solid basic understanding of sociopathy (APD) and BPD but I just want to clarify and differentiate a bit. The essential feature in the DSM for APD is a "pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood."

In contrast, the essential feature for BPD is "a pervasive pattern of instability of personal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts".

I believe I understand why you are likening certain manifestations of BPD as similar to APD but the comparison does bother me a little bit. The major difference is in intent despite many similarities in the outcomes. APD and BPD individuals may burn bridges and wreak a path of destruction however the APD individual is doing so to achieve selfish means with a total disregard while the BPD person is doing so due to impulsivity, emptiness, self-image problems and overall their inability to control these incomprehensibly intense emotions (which of course the APD lack).

I agree, APD and BPD have many differences, but some similarities you mentioned. People with BPD actually have a soul, which is also a fundamental difference. People with BPD have a much better prognosis overall. Plus, not everyone with BPD gets on my nerves (the first two people with BPD I met in real life did however).

I understand the impulse to try to sort out BPD into 2 distinct types to make better sense (and mitigate the negative feelings of associating the 'nicer' BPD's with the "APD-like" ones) but in reality BPD manifests in a number of different ways, some similar to and some very different from your 2 type conception.

That is true, I agree.

For most suffering from BPD, there isn't always consistency in the application of their extreme emotional reactions to different areas of their lives. For some, they will come off as APD to their future in-laws but can function with ease on internet message boards. For others, they may seem fine among family but intentionally create chaos online. Essentially there is generally variability in the application of the instability.

I am really not trying to criticize or anything because I can tell you care about people and are very much trying to understand, I just worry that your conception of organizing individuals afflicted by BPD into two groups is not exactly consistent with its appearance in societies. I can see how this fits your experience, but be wary of the inductive reasoning. Limited cases are rarely representative of the majority.

I think you're right actually, it's really a case by case basis more than "2 types" I can see that now.

I just wanted to add in the other personality disorders if anyone is interested (as well as links to descriptions).

1. Schizoid Personality Disorder
2. Paranoid Personality Disorder
3. Schizotypal Personality Disorder
4. Avoidant Personality Disorder
5. Dependent Personality Disorder
6. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (NOT O.C.D.)

PLEASE if you read these, do not try to diagnose yourself. There is a reason why psych professionals go through so many years of training to be able to diagnose these rare and similar conditions.

I concur with cane. Most people wouldn't think they have a personality disorder if they actually do have one though...that's not to say no one will "identify" it within themselves. There's just a tendency of people with personality disorders to not notice the problems they cause in life (especially if it more often than not effects others primarily before themselves).

^2nd to the disclaimer. I'm currently getting a 4 year degree in psychology and sociology and I wouldn't even do self-diagnosis!

I also concur with this. It is very easy to hide symptoms from ones self.

I definitely agree with this. I'm way more able to lash out at myself than I am at others. I also have pretty bad social anxiety though and I put a ton of thought into what other people think about me.

I have a lot of social anxiety, though it doesn't stem from what people think about me. I just have a very hard time wanting to be around people. Interacting with others in real life isn't something I like to do most of the time.

I have tried working on the social anxiety bit in my life... it's been pretty hard to change in that area. I think I might try some benzodiazepines for anxiety (before I mostly used them for sleep, etc).

Captain.Heroin, thanks much for your kind words. It feels really good to finally "come out" about this after keeping it in for so long. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hope life will treat you better soon.

I'm glad you feel better - I am still not sure what I am facing trying to get help for... my best guess right now is something inbetween ADHD-I and PTSD, but not really exactly one or the other. This is why self diagnosis never works out...it's like when you're on the hardest question of a multiple choice test and you think 3 of the 4 answers could work and you are having a hard time choosing which one it "really is".

I admire your courage Spork, and everyone else for working on themselves with BPD. The two people in real life I have met with BPD absolutely refuse to change their way of life, and only antagonize each other (and everyone else around them) constantly. A lot of people in TDS recently have enabled me to use a smaller degree of courage to talk about my story I posted in TDS, and it's helped me realize I still have issues I need to work on.

I'm curious about what kind of medications others have found to be helpful? I've tried Zoloft and Celexa before and neither of those worked at the highest doses. Now I've been on Cymbalta and that doesn't seem to be working either. All I've gotten from any of those is weight gain. No other side effects, positive or negative. I'm working on weaning my Klonopin dose down to 1 mg a day and will then be adding buspar/wellbutrin to the mix. I know that meds differ so much from person to person and a lot of it's trial and error, but it would be really nice to know what's worked for other people!

Zoloft helped "a little" with depression and it helped a lot with social anxiety - it made me a loner, indifferent to hanging out or talking to one's best friends even. And then the withdrawals were horrible. Needless to say Wellbutrin worked a lot more for me than Zoloft, not to mention I felt no withdrawal with Wellbutrin.

For some reason Klonopin gives me paradoxical reactions. I have an aversion to taking Klonopin, and any other benzo works great for me (in terms of day time anxiety, or getting high). As for insomnia, only 4 benzodiazepines have worked for me (the others leave me groggy in the morning): triazolam (due to its short effect, it won't interrupt all of your REM sleep), temazepam (doesn't interrupt REM sleep, unlike most other benzos), flurazepam (I sleep a little too long on this one but it leaves me feeling refreshed in the morning with a medium/light buzz for the rest of the day too), and midazolam (IV duration is much shorter, and the effect is pretty good). I really recommend temazepam.

By the way: the best anxiolytic drug for me, is hydroxyzine. It's not as dependence forming as benzodiazepines, and takes off the edge enough to make life bearable for a short while, which is really all the help I need. (the IV duration is a lot shorter than oral, and doesn't leave me feeling groggy).

I do not, however many of my clients do. Lots of them also have drug addictions. Many of those with BPD often became involved with a man or woman that was already addicted and then ended up just as hooked themselves.

True story, the BPD case I knew (and had to cut off as a friend - looong story) is with a female right now who is just straight up gross and used (looong story). She smokes cigarettes and he got into it within months of knowing her, after being vehemently "against it" for years. He would make fun of people smoking cigarettes (something I typically wouldn't do...it's not like people enjoy being addicted - I might encourage people to quit but I don't make fun of them), so it's just ironic he started and is now smoking probably half a pack to a pack a day.

I will be honest, dealing with BPD people can be difficult. However plenty of techniques exist to help them cope. Many however do not ever make the effort to get help. Keep in mind I work with an extremely disenfranchised population, so the only places they can get help are often state run facilities. Which are losing money, and we are losing money as well so there are less of us to help them and make referalls.

You are right, some of them don't ever make the effort to help themselves (or have yet to). However the more people I meet on BL with BPD and are trying for themselves shows me that BPD is a very variant category of people, and not all people with BPD are like the people I knew in real life with it.

 

[assembled]

I had a girlfriend with BPD. Let's just say I steer clear of BPD people.

This was just my individual experience. I'm sure not everyone who has BPD is such a horrible bitch.

 

[glitterbizkit]

I'm not self-diagnosing or anything, because I don't really believe I have BPD... But every time I read about it and its symptoms, I'm like "that's me!". Abandonment and rejection issues... check... Unstable self identity... Yup..... Impulsive behaviour (promiscuity + substance abuse/drinking), check. Feeling empty... yes, always. Emotional instability, yes. Et cetera. I probably should head off to my GP at some point to get a referral to a counselor or something. The only problem is, I'm fine most of the time, it's just that when I'm down I get really down, suicidal thoughts and all (although I'd never do it, if only for the sake of my dear mother). And then a day or two passes and I feel good again and I'm like "well, that was just a minor hiccup, I don't really need medication or therapy". And the cycle continues.....

Uh, i'm rambling. Guess what I want to say is.... I sympathise.

 

[psyly]

^ Are the things you said check to a part of your life nearly everyday? Or just occasionally when you are down? It is all something for you to explore with a therapist or counselor, but personality disorders are pervasive meaning pretty much a part of your whole life rather than occasional. BPD though is one of the ones that can be confusing because it makes sweeping transformations at times. OCD or dependent personality disorder by comparison are going to show most of the time in pretty much the same ways.

Anyways, we all have traits of different personality disorders showing up in our feelings and behaviors all the time. Personality disorder means one is stuck acting, feeling, thinking through a particular set of traits pretty close to all the time or as a consistent fallback to routine stressors. Everybody has an event or a series of events in their past that would seem like textbook personality disorder of some type. Also a personality disorder needs to cause significant discomfort or impaired functioning. If a set of traits are consistent but are not significantly bothering anybody or holding you back, it also isn't a PD.

 

[glitterbizkit]

They are an everyday reality for me, and always have been - sort of like a theme of my life, never far from the foreground, but they only cause a significant negative impact that stop me from functioning properly on my 'down' days. Which is why I don't believe I have it, but I can definitely sympathise with those that do, because to feel strongly like this 100% of the time would be pure hell.

Of course there's a little part of me that almost wishes for a diagnosis of some kind because it would be preferable to have a legitimate, clinical illness rather than just being a fucked up individual....

 

[spork]

Dear Non-BPD,

We know how difficult it is to have us in your life. We know how hard it is to hear us in our depths of despair. We know how we may come across as manipulative, controlling, unwilling to change, attention-seeking, even intolerable. We know. But step back for a moment, really look at us. Inside, you will find the most compassionate, empathetic, kind, giving people you will meet. Yes, you are tired of the chaos– as tired as you are, we are drained, worn down. Yes, you feel trapped by the relationship, as trapped as you feel we are birds banging our heads against the cage wanting to fly. I implore you, do not tell us we do nothing to improve, we have been seeking help most of our lives, we have been fighting to get “normal” forever. We have been actually getting up every morning, this in itself is comparable to climbing Mount Everest, this is “doing something.” We are not about control, manipulation, lies, we are about fear. We love you, possibly more than most people can feel love and are in sheer terror of losing you, this is the control you speak of. Don’t turn your back on us (unless you are in danger of your life, but most BPD’s I have met hurt only themselves). For when you turn your back on us, you have reinforced the idea that we are unworthy, hopeless, and cannot make it in this world. In my experience, most of the conflicts that arise with BPD’s and Non-BPD’s is miscomunication. Be clear about what you mean, extremely clear, because what you say is perceived by us as something different. Be reassuring. Don’t say, “I can’t take this right now,” simply start the sentence differently… “You have every right to feel the way you do, but can we talk later. I will call you back at such and such a time.” Be validating. Don’t ignore a text or a phone call, we have been ignored all our lives and feel invisible. Don’t tell others that we are “crazy.” We are a lot healthier than most people walking around ignoring their feelings, we are learning how to cope. Don’t tell us we are being overly dramatic, overly sensitive, we are not dramatic, our feelings are real and yes, we are overly senstitive, but is that such a bad thing? I am proud to say that I am sensitive, I am proud to say that when I love, I love with all my soul, I am proud to say that I do understand you, but can you even try to understand me? I am not here preaching about how BPD’s should be catered to. As an analogy: if we had cancer, would you say “I’m tired of taking you for your treatments, fight this on your own?” For some, BPD is as terminal as cancer. As long as they are in treatment and learning to cope, be there because one day that bird that is banging their head against the cage will fly free and you will miss the opportunity to fly with them…

Fia Marie

http://ontheborderlineblog.wordpress.com/2010/02/28/a-letter-to-non-bpds-with-a-bpd-in-their-life/

I found this and fell in love with it.

 

[Sweet P]

^ That is awesome... it's perfect. I might print a copy and show my parents.

 

[Pillthrill]

Caged bird.... yup said that one before. Caged by ourselves......

 

[pofacedhoe]

Eternally, a word used by psychotics a great deal in my experience. Tell me how anyone in this thread is effecting things eternally. You and I are temporal beings with an beginning and an expiration-neither of us has any real conception of eternity except through imagination or psychosis.

they use this word often because in my experience psychosis is like opening the mind to concepts that are normally beyond me. a feeling of spiritual infinity, some thing our current culture places no value in whatsoever.

maybe psychosis allows us to tap into the collective unconcious...

oh sorry i forgot the material world is all there is

so you can prove that time exists and it has a beggining and an end?

time is simply what clocks measure (its a social construction)

 

[Sterling399]

Living with BPD as a partner

I have lived with my partner for three years and just recently found the literature on BPD. It has been doing my head in and I have done all the things in response to my girls behaviour that it all says dont do (except leave her).
It seems since I have been doing the research into BPD and I have changed my approach into a more emphathetic style, it has helped her.
She has not been diagnozed with this PD and I am not the expert to do this, how I treat it is that when she displays the symptons of BPD, I treat them as that now - without falling into the trap of taking it personally on board and responding how she has anticipated - calling her a stupid, nasty, mean, mental bitch and getting so worked up that I put my fist through the wall.
I think also she has come to the realisation of how she is doing this as well. It has given her the insight to her reactions.
WE are not the type to go to support groups or thearopy at this stage.
I have just been relieved to see that this is a recongized condition and there is some solutions to the problems.
For me some of the things I have changed since reading about BPD in my relationship is
1. Dont buy into the negative views, opinions or attacks by reaction.
2. Dont ignore the negative actions that re occur - ie my partner has been wanting a divorce once or twice a week for 3 years. Of late when she wants a divorce I tell her you want one every week or twice a week - I am not going to divorce you if you want a divorce can you please get one tomorrow.
3. I have started when she makes a black and white or irrational decision to ask her if we can think about it until tomorrow or putting a time frame on it so she has time to process what the decision is and get more information.
4. I use to think the problem was alcohol, I encouraged her off the piss for a few weeks but the problem didnt go away. It is still alcohol induced and we havnt stopped drinking but I have seen a desire to lose the booze in her but think that is sometime yet. I am a bit bad in not wanting to stop drinking myself but would in support with her.
I suppose I am saying I am excited about seeing changes in her and seeing that this is not just my fault but maybe i have contributed to it.
I also totally agree with this disorder having varying degrees of the symptons and dont have to give it to much thought but just have to reconize the symptons and deal with them when they arise.
We have a pretty good life together - would even be better without these symptons but for me she is such thoughtful caring loving person behind the BPD which is I see as a mask for her.

 

[gloeek]

I have some qualities of Borderline, but not enough to qualify as someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

[pofacedhoe]

I have some qualities of Borderline, but not enough to qualify as someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

as the "qualities" are simply extreme vairations on typical human behaviour, a LOT of people ahev some qualities but not to an extent that causes problems in their life. the term personality disorder shows that these syptoms are at the far end of what are acctually normal personality traits

eyeryone is different and no one is perfect

i have tendencies within the borderline criteria and certainly much moreso when i was younger but many people mature or turn their personality to their advantage and find something (job or a hobby) that they are suited to

 

[n3ophy7e]

Sterling, that is really commendable that you're so supportive of your girfriend and her BPD

 

[Sweet P]

*bump*

My case manager at the drug & alcohol service has offered me an extensive DBT program to focus on both my drug addiction and my personality disorder. It would involve 2 meetings a week for 2 years. My parents, my doctor and my drug counsellor are all encouraging me to do it, but I'm reluctant to for a number of reasons. Firstly, I don't feel comfortable opening up and talking about personal things with a new therapist (especially in group sessions) who I don't know. Secondly, I'm gonna have my license suspended in early May and I can't use public transport, so I'll have no way of getting into the city for the appointments. And thirdly, I don't feel that I can commit myself to 2 years of therapy. I just don't know what could happen to my situation during that time... I could move out of town, have major health problems from my Hep C, and so on. I know these sound like excuses, and I guess some of them are, but I'm just so uncomfortable with the whole thing.