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AADD Moderators: Tronica
Bluelight Singles thread "Living without justification" Part 2
- Thread starter BREAKaBEAT
- Start date
bikki_muncher69
Bluelighter
Being single is just such a drag sometimes, but at this age most people i know there is just no point having a relationship, one day that special someone will come though, i just wish i could meet someone my age that isnt so immature or just narrow minded. The worst thing is when you do meet a decent person, but then they change as much as i try to accept how and why people change sometimes i just cant
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hhc_king
Bluelighter
[edit] don't care anymore
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onetwothreefour
Bluelight Crew
shit happens. the 'it's not you it's me' reasoning is *the* oldest thing in the book, but sometimes it's true. doesn't stop the other person going to hell and high water (is that the phrase? my brain has a leak) to get them back, but if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
it's always worth trying to convince them otherwise though. my condolences hhc.
it's always worth trying to convince them otherwise though. my condolences hhc.
ButrosButros_Grantos
Bluelighter
I love you Brad, have my aliens!
onetwothreefour
Bluelight Crew
NINE OUT OF TEN BRADS PREFER FISH.
but the other brad will take your aliens. the usual address thanks.
but the other brad will take your aliens. the usual address thanks.
ButrosButros_Grantos
Bluelighter
I was about to post off topic so have it in a PM...
I realise the pm is probably redundant in not posting off topic b.shit...
cause I still did it.
I realise the pm is probably redundant in not posting off topic b.shit...
cause I still did it.
onetwothreefour
Bluelight Crew
^^^ that is fantastic advice.
anyone who takes it is probably braver than me, but it's very, very true. in some ways it's an extension of the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' mentality, in that there needs to be at least a small amount of wonder or intangibility in the relationship lest it get boring. if you, as keej put it perfectly, just 'cater to their every whim' and 'act like a puss,' all you're showing the partner is that you're a) a walkover, and b) not at all interesting. not to mention the fact that it will probably relegate whatever your 'real' personality is (the reason she would have liked you in the first place) to the sidelines, rather than letting it shine, balls out (heh) - *everyone* has faults, so if we attempt to hide them and instead give our partner exactly what we perceive them to want instead of just being ourselves, then that person actually ceases to exist. and that leaves you in limbo, really.
keej, i think you just made me realise something. cheers; good post
anyone who takes it is probably braver than me, but it's very, very true. in some ways it's an extension of the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' mentality, in that there needs to be at least a small amount of wonder or intangibility in the relationship lest it get boring. if you, as keej put it perfectly, just 'cater to their every whim' and 'act like a puss,' all you're showing the partner is that you're a) a walkover, and b) not at all interesting. not to mention the fact that it will probably relegate whatever your 'real' personality is (the reason she would have liked you in the first place) to the sidelines, rather than letting it shine, balls out (heh) - *everyone* has faults, so if we attempt to hide them and instead give our partner exactly what we perceive them to want instead of just being ourselves, then that person actually ceases to exist. and that leaves you in limbo, really.
keej, i think you just made me realise something. cheers; good post
Shnouzerpuff
Bluelighter
I have spent the last 4 hours canoodling and such with my ex.
She smelt nice.
I liked kissing her when she was pressed up against the storefront window.
I made my decision and I stand by it. I feel a little head-bizarre. She is pretty. She is smart. She bites my neck.
A big "Fuck You" to the professional footballer who said to her, as he was leaving the club "are you coming with us?"
No fucktard.
No she is not.
Go roll around on your pile of money a-fucking-lone.
If I get twice-bitten I am going to be so sore.
She smelt nice.
I liked kissing her when she was pressed up against the storefront window.
I made my decision and I stand by it. I feel a little head-bizarre. She is pretty. She is smart. She bites my neck.
A big "Fuck You" to the professional footballer who said to her, as he was leaving the club "are you coming with us?"
No fucktard.
No she is not.
Go roll around on your pile of money a-fucking-lone.
If I get twice-bitten I am going to be so sore.
Mary Poppins
Bluelighter
^ good luck schnouzer
sometimes what we had is better then what we'll ever get...
and kissing up against walls/windows is hot
oh and keej (and 1234 by proxy) - WORD!!!!!!!!!
sometimes what we had is better then what we'll ever get...
and kissing up against walls/windows is hot
oh and keej (and 1234 by proxy
) - WORD!!!!!!!!!OOO Shnouzy, was it an Eagles player?
Eagles players are hot.
Good lucky darling.
In other news, Keej, that really is great advice. It happens both ways though, both girls and guys get too nice for the partner and no one wants a lap dog. It's not even 'doing everything for them' in a physical sense ie. driving them around etc. although that can be the case... it can even be the simple answer to the question "Sorry I've been a bitch" "No you havent" - no one wants someone that is so blinded they can't see reality. People need to be pulled up!
This should be in miscellaneous rants, but seriously I should be giving one of my friends this advice! Her boyfriend is a totally walkover for her, and she justifies "You don't understand Renee, he is just so blinded he doesn't see reality" but she secretly likes it! There is no excuse!
/end rant
Eagles players are hot.
Good lucky darling.
In other news, Keej, that really is great advice. It happens both ways though, both girls and guys get too nice for the partner and no one wants a lap dog. It's not even 'doing everything for them' in a physical sense ie. driving them around etc. although that can be the case... it can even be the simple answer to the question "Sorry I've been a bitch" "No you havent" - no one wants someone that is so blinded they can't see reality. People need to be pulled up!
This should be in miscellaneous rants, but seriously I should be giving one of my friends this advice! Her boyfriend is a totally walkover for her, and she justifies "You don't understand Renee, he is just so blinded he doesn't see reality" but she secretly likes it! There is no excuse!
/end rant
Adikkal
Bluelighter
Keej beat me to it. Spot on. I think it's better to treat your woman like a much loved canine friend than gold. If your dog shits in the rug, you let em know that you DON'T do that. But may I suggest against using rolled up newspaper to discipline your significant other, due to their superior cognitive ability words are much more effective!
Now if anyone thinks it's wrong that I am comparing how to treat a woman to how you treat a dog, fuck you
If you have to break up with someone, adopt the usual tone and say,
"Look... i'm sorry, it's not ME, it's YOU"
Pause.
Wait to see if it processes.... "You mean, it's not you, it's me?"
"That's what I said. It's not me, it's you"
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Adikkal
Now if anyone thinks it's wrong that I am comparing how to treat a woman to how you treat a dog, fuck you
If you have to break up with someone, adopt the usual tone and say,
"Look... i'm sorry, it's not ME, it's YOU"
Pause.
Wait to see if it processes.... "You mean, it's not you, it's me?"
"That's what I said. It's not me, it's you"
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Adikkal
Mary Poppins
Bluelighter
^
magnifique!
magnifique!
keej your only partly rigth there
your playing on the didnt have the bestchildhood broken family part there
where the partner who cant handle being put up on a pedastole because they see a relationship being all muddy water
there are still girls/women out there who still loved to be wooed even months years after
my ex was one of those people loved it when i did things and made her feel special
hhc the only thing i can sugest is back away at teh same time keep the heat on
dont just be a friend but dont presure her
take it form personal experiance form soem one who has comitment issues himself the only way to get over tem is to push through them she need to push herself past er problems cause once she reached the other side she will see how silly it was to just say good buy
the one thing we all need to learn about relationships is friendship
a good relationship can not develope without a solid friendship first if we want it to last
your playing on the didnt have the bestchildhood broken family part there
where the partner who cant handle being put up on a pedastole because they see a relationship being all muddy water
there are still girls/women out there who still loved to be wooed even months years after
my ex was one of those people loved it when i did things and made her feel special
hhc the only thing i can sugest is back away at teh same time keep the heat on
dont just be a friend but dont presure her
take it form personal experiance form soem one who has comitment issues himself the only way to get over tem is to push through them she need to push herself past er problems cause once she reached the other side she will see how silly it was to just say good buy
the one thing we all need to learn about relationships is friendship
a good relationship can not develope without a solid friendship first if we want it to last
leecie
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2001
- Messages
- 4,024
^^ yeah we loved to be wooed and made to feel special. keej makes me feel special all the time. he dotes on me and the rest of it (dont deny it keej) but at the same time when im being a childish sook he doesnt pander to me and make me think that it's okay to behave irrationally and childishly and that he will accept it. it's not a relationship if one person is constantly at the beck and call of the other.
sorry to hear about your situation hhc. best thing you can do is leave it, move on and if it is meant to work out it will. if not...life goes on. harsh but true.
also...i just noticed in another thread you said 'after all i did for you' or something to that effect. its not like a buying and selling situation where you gain returns for services rendered. you cant say 'well i did this and you still rejected me and that's unfair'. i know you are probably going to jump down everyones throat because we have all had our 2c worth but unfortunately you bring it to a public forum and we will give our input whether you like it or not. remember that before you bare your soul.
sorry to hear about your situation hhc. best thing you can do is leave it, move on and if it is meant to work out it will. if not...life goes on. harsh but true.
also...i just noticed in another thread you said 'after all i did for you' or something to that effect. its not like a buying and selling situation where you gain returns for services rendered. you cant say 'well i did this and you still rejected me and that's unfair'. i know you are probably going to jump down everyones throat because we have all had our 2c worth but unfortunately you bring it to a public forum and we will give our input whether you like it or not. remember that before you bare your soul.
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Mary Poppins
Bluelighter
in regards to the comments keej, lil leecie and addikal have made regarding Hhc saying "after all i did for you"
I'd like to add my piece --- which is ---- no-one FORCES you to act that way, and like keej (or was it leecie? can't be bothered scrolling up sorry) it's not a buying/selling relationship.
you should NEVER expect back what you give in a relationship (in terms of levels of affection) because invariably you will be disappointed. it is your choice to treat your s/o the way you want to, or how you think they want to be, you are not forced to do this, therefore it is incredibly lame and selfish to act post-breakup as if you are "owed" something by the other person.
My housemate recently broke up with his 1st serious b/f. thoughout their r/ship he acted completely pussy/cock whipped and was clearly excessively affectionate rah rah rah. He was always complaining that his b/f didn't return this......yes.......he didn't return it THE SAME WAY as he did, by being physically affectionate and saying i love you all the time, but his b/f gave up every single weekend to come over to our house and hang with him when he is still at school and had HEAPS of other commitments/social things on.
After they broke up (essentially becaues his b/f wasn't attracted to him anymore cause he was a pussy) he kept complaining about how he'd never been affectionate, eventually i couldn't take it and told him exactly what i thought.
people don't show affection in exactly the same way, and it is not owed to you if you do show it. his b/f showed his commitment to their r/ship in other ways, which my housemate constantly refused to acknowledge/realise, therefore making both of them feel like shit due to feeling underappreciated.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
that was probably 50c worth....sorry
I'd like to add my piece --- which is ---- no-one FORCES you to act that way, and like keej (or was it leecie? can't be bothered scrolling up sorry
) it's not a buying/selling relationship.you should NEVER expect back what you give in a relationship (in terms of levels of affection) because invariably you will be disappointed. it is your choice to treat your s/o the way you want to, or how you think they want to be, you are not forced to do this, therefore it is incredibly lame and selfish to act post-breakup as if you are "owed" something by the other person.
My housemate recently broke up with his 1st serious b/f. thoughout their r/ship he acted completely pussy/cock whipped and was clearly excessively affectionate rah rah rah. He was always complaining that his b/f didn't return this......yes.......he didn't return it THE SAME WAY as he did, by being physically affectionate and saying i love you all the time, but his b/f gave up every single weekend to come over to our house and hang with him when he is still at school and had HEAPS of other commitments/social things on.
After they broke up (essentially becaues his b/f wasn't attracted to him anymore cause he was a pussy) he kept complaining about how he'd never been affectionate, eventually i couldn't take it and told him exactly what i thought.
people don't show affection in exactly the same way, and it is not owed to you if you do show it. his b/f showed his commitment to their r/ship in other ways, which my housemate constantly refused to acknowledge/realise, therefore making both of them feel like shit due to feeling underappreciated.
that was probably 50c worth....sorry
MooShiE
Bluelighter
keej said:
Amen, ive told him this how many times?? and so has Witch Doctor... dont let her problems become urs..
Adikkal
Bluelighter
I'd say ALL of us have been in that position once or twice, unhealthily infatuated with someone and taking way too much of their crap. At the time it's really hard to see out of that bubble and gain some perspective... emotions cloud the logic.
It's a learning experience if you let it. Too many people dote on the more poetic and retrospective "WHY did this happen?" instead of asking "HOW did this happen?". Finding out HOW something happened helps you avoid it in the future....WHY provides you with justification for your actions (i.e. excuses)
When you view it objectively, separate from your emotions you can usually trace a quite obvious series of events that led up to the eventual conclusion and therefore... figure out what NOT to do again!
Adikkal
It's a learning experience if you let it. Too many people dote on the more poetic and retrospective "WHY did this happen?" instead of asking "HOW did this happen?". Finding out HOW something happened helps you avoid it in the future....WHY provides you with justification for your actions (i.e. excuses)
When you view it objectively, separate from your emotions you can usually trace a quite obvious series of events that led up to the eventual conclusion and therefore... figure out what NOT to do again!
Adikkal