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Bluelight Singles thread "Living without justification" Part 2

A partner should complement you, not complete you.

Being whole WITHOUT a partner will help avoid becoming lost in someone else.
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Adikkal, I really understand what you're saying. Thankyou, I just realised what my actual problem is. I can honestly say that I am whole, it's just that I haven't found a person to complement me yet. I always rush into things (getting carried away with the feeling of being close to someone) but then see the person for who they really are and have to get out of there.

I need to focus more on developing a friendship first, so far all my 'relationships' have been purely physical. I suppose the time will come, but for now I'm more than happy on my own. I think I have issues sharing myself with other people.
 
Is there anyone here that is here after coming off a long relationship? If so, I'd love to hear your story.

I've been single for 5 months after a relationship of 7 years fell to pieces.
The last 5 months have been quite a ride, felt every emotion under the sun and it's taken quite a while to adjust.

However, I'm now enjoying being single, just enjoying life, innocent flirting ect.:D
 
^ Oh wow... seven years. I'm always curious as to why relationships of that length end. I think I'd have convinced myself byt then that I needed that person to survive. You seem to be handling it okay... you have my respect.

PS Innocent flirting is the best.
 
^^^
Thanks for your kind words.

Well, you can become complacent after 7 years, I started taking things for granted:\ I could have been a far better boyfriend in the last 6 months of the relationship. :X

Lots of other factors involved too, I was in a rut of depression, the age factor of the relationship, we had both reached 23/4 and sorta went, hmmm, ok (had been together since age 16). She was also having mental turmoil and other personal issues, and it was later revealed that she had been cheating with her best friends boy:(

I could write for three pages the good and the bad that we have put each other throu in the last 5 months, but I won't start to bore you. Right now, we a great mates, we have enough respect for each other that I'm sure we will be great friends for many years to come, and you may never know, *maybe* we will give it another shot again.

Right now, if I happen to find someone to have some light fun with, that's cool by me. I can't see myself getting serious with someone for quite a while yet - I'm only just starting to rediscover myself;)

And always expect the unexpected - my lesson for 2005.
 
bumping this thread because i like the interesting replies it has got lately :)

i'd just like to say that in accordance with views expressed previously by addikal and macksta [and others i'm sure]

the last few weeks have proved to me how integral game playing is...even to some [albeit a lot smaller] extent with purely platonic friendships.

after my fuckbuddy poured his heart out in a completely uncharacteristic emotional episode......he was gone before the next morning....i've talked to him a couple of times since but he's been doing his utmost to regain power in our friendhip [not initiating any contact, cancelling plans at the last minute]....to be honest, i expected it from such a stereotypically masculine guy. :\ and actually..having this knowledge that it IS just one of the necessary steps we all go through in establishing dynamics has helped me from taking it as personally as i probably could :)

it's amazing how much easier it makes it once you stop trying to "fight" the game playing - and accept and use it to your advantage....

afterall - if everyone else is playing...why not you? you have to be in it to win it :D
 
Mary Poppins said:

it's amazing how much easier it makes it once you stop trying to "fight" the game playing - and accept and use it to your advantage....

afterall - if everyone else is playing...why not you? you have to be in it to win it :D
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*nods* exactly...
 
interesting. i think that it's true that most of us game play unconsciously anyway. so i do see where adikkal and macksta are coming from when they say why not realise this and use it to your advantage? still, i just can't be arsed to tell you the truth. the only games that i play are completely unintenional and are a result of when i get scared and make stupid decisions :\ essentially though i think; what's the big deal if you're prompt to reply to messages or are available to go out. showing that you like someone shouldn't take any power away from you, (albeit perhaps in a perfect world this would be the case) as it all depends how you hold those feelings within yourself. everything really always comes back to confidence in my opinion. and here's an obscure example, but still... think Duan Juan (the greatest lover to have ever lived). why was he so great? what did he do that made so many women fall in love with him? for one thing he certainly didn't go around hiding his feelings when he liked a women, quite the opposite. and i think why he had such a high pick up rate ;) was because of the balanced way that he held those feelings of liking someone within himself. that is, he didn't put his self worth in whether or not the other person would like them back. he also importantly didn't seem to consider showing/having emotions a weakness or a vulnerability, which most of us do in this day and age hence why we play games and desire to remain guarded.

*shakes head*:o i honestly can't believe i just used Duan Juan as an example of what i'm trying to say, i think i'm still drunk ;) hopefully it still makes some sense though

anyway as for me... i'm still single and i shuffle to and fro between liking being single, doing my own thing, not having to emotionally engage myself in another persons life and troubles: to wanting a boyfriend, feeling lonely and desiring a emotion connection. i guess im a little scared of being in a *proper* relatioship too. i probably shouldn't be but i am a little :\
 
^ i think you are completely justified in feeling scared [and i am as well for the record] being in a relationship/being in love is one of the most exposing and harrowing experiences ever :)

not to say it doesn't have its rewards, but it's like jumping off a cliff and hoping to dear god there is someone to catch you....
 
Dreamtime, that was a good post. If you are extraordinarily confident, self assured and complete by yourself then playing games is not necessary. There are plenty of 'rules' in place but I know guys who are successful with women who can break all these rules simply because they are above the rules. They possess a certain charisma that defies description. These people are what i'd call, the 'naturals'.

As far as game playing goes, my general understanding is the more you GENUINELY click with the person the less game you need.

If you connect on a deep level and you BOTH enjoy spending time with each other then there's little need to deliberately play disinterested however make VERY sure you don't become too clingy. Getting too emotional/clingy can drive the other person away. I'm not saying reject your emotions, just be aware. If you feel like your giving too much and getting too little - YOU ARE. Step back, withdraw, see if they respond.

Scarcity = Value

Adikkal
 
Adikkal said:
Dreamtime, that was a good post. If you are extraordinarily confident, self assured and complete by yourself then playing games is not necessary. There are plenty of 'rules' in place but I know guys who are successful with women who can break all these rules simply because they are above the rules. They possess a certain charisma that defies description. These people are what i'd call, the 'naturals'.

As far as game playing goes, my general understanding is the more you GENUINELY click with the person the less game you need.

If you connect on a deep level and you BOTH enjoy spending time with each other then there's little need to deliberately play disinterested however make VERY sure you don't become too clingy. Getting too emotional/clingy can drive the other person away. I'm not saying reject your emotions, just be aware. If you feel like your giving too much and getting too little - YOU ARE. Step back, withdraw, see if they respond.

Scarcity = Value

Adikkal
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i DEFINITELY agree with the scarcity/value matrix [addikal: 2005 ;)] but i do have to dissent slightly from the theory that the more you genuinely click, the less games you play.

i'd go so far as to say that the people i have genuinely connected with are the people i've had to play the game the most with. in my opinion this is because they are so simliar in a lot of ways to myself [same intelligence level, fairly perspicacious of other people's reactions/feelings, but somewhat guarded] that there is no way we could get way WITHOUT game playing as well as the fact that if i didn't feel that deep a connection with someone, i wouldn't be bothered playing their games for too long.

When two people who it just comes naturally to get together, i think the whole time it is a constant power tug-of-war, far more than if i was with someone who i had less of a connection with - in which case i wouldn't be bothered putting the effort in and wouldn't semi-perversely enjoy the game playing so much ;):p

:)
 
^^ i can see what you're saying and i think that you're right, however again i don't know if i'd classify that specifically as 'game playing'? there's always going to be little power struggles when people are in relationships i agree, but more often than not they're done unconciously and are about pedantic little things like who was right about blahblah, etc,etc. i think when you truly begin to feel comfortable with someone and you feel like you have a deep connection you both become uninhibited, guards come down, and mainly it's really nice.

in the initial stages of relationships i think you're right though, even when you may feel like you really connect with someone you remain guarded cos you don't know them. but still, like i said, with me it's never something that i do consciously. it's funny cos i know that i am an very guarded person. so much so that throughout my years i've seen repeatedly how it makes others feel intimidated by me and hence always prompts people to make wrong assumptions about what kind of a person i am . and it sucks, but what sucks more is that i can see that yet it's very hard to change it.

anyway moral of that story is: it's not good to be too guarded, a little is normal and natural but too much is bad.

also, with the scarcity = value thing, i agree, and i think that ultimately the more confident and grounded a person you are the less 'clingy' you will be.

and definitely, it's always best to try and be as aware of yourself, others, and everything around you so that you'll have a greater likelihood of reacting to any given situation accordingly.
 
Mary Poppins - hmm, I don't know ay. Basically, I feel like i play the game less consciously when i genuinely click with the person. Of course it's always going on and I keep all the main principles in mind but as far as the intricacies go, it's much less when I genuinely click with someone.

Essentially, with game, you can get someone attracted to you who wouldn't normally be. Game = more choice. I'm obviously speaking from a male perspective here but i'd imagine it applies both ways.

I could go into a whoooole lot more depth but don't want to give away too much :p

Adikkal
 
PLUR Eternal

Replying to randomate from 14-04-2005 where he stated
p.s.s Fuck I hope oceanboy got himself a life....what a cock....
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?
What is the real intention behind your commment?
How does this comply with your Personal Quote "play nice "
Would it not appear to be in violation of that?

Anyway, yes I am a cock, for I am a male of the human species and I have a hot male body with a hot cock!

Oceanboy action raversportsboy seeking action raversportsgirl

Peace and Blessings,
PLUR Eternal,
;)
O.
 
I'm currently single and drunk.

But,I'm mainly just single and happen to be drunk at the moment.

So off topic I know.


Anyway,drink on,or is that single on,or single drink on........................

Man,I'm sick of being single,or am I a fully sick single!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
 
^^^ i know that feeling :(

tbh, i'm, currently, really fucking sick of being single. i've been good. it's been okay. normally i've been able to cope.

but lately...well, it would be nice. and i have no prospects - or at least, those that i think i would like to be prospects are probably not interested. yay for life :p
 
^^brad if i wasnt taken i'd totally snog you.

you'd still be single but at least you'd have gotten a good pash :p
 
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