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Bluelight Singles thread "Living without justification" Part 2

I personally don't think that you can 'figure out what you want' with someone else in the picture. Even if it is only a fuck buddy, wouldn't that just add to the confusion? I think spending time with yourself is a great thing, why have a fuck buddy to distract you? Get your enjoyment from other interests- exercise, reading, friends, whatever. Sure it can be sexually frustrating, but you don't *need* sex. You don't need someone else in your life.

I realise that many people enjoy the whole fuck buddy idea. I've done it and can see some good things I suppose. But it's always impacted on my life in some way. I see it as some sort of escape from the real issues that should be dealt with. I've pretty much become celebate until someone really important comes along. I don't want to waste time and energy on something that I can't fully put myself into when I can spend it elsewhere.

I do miss the physical feeling of being next to someone, the body warmth.. and oh god everything really. But that's what bothers me. Why does it feel so good to be with someone? Is it just part of human nature or what? Because I worry that it feels too good. I hate the way my life seems to feel so much better suddenly. How I enjoy the feeling so much that I am almost dependent on it; it consumes me and I forget about everything else. How can one person have such an impact?
 
because women are typically, notoriously and almost traditionally passive agressive in their behaviour in relationships. women self-confessedly ask and tell men to do the direct opposite of what they actually want them to do. Some do it sub consciously, and some are more than aware of the fact that they are sending men mixed messages with the hope and also expectation set that they will be able to decipher them, as well as then implement the correct mode of action.
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Whoa! Great post.

ez_555: It is natural to be with someone else. We are social creatures. Being with someone is comforting and fills alot of essential needs we have however some people use others to fill needs which they should be filling themselves.

I think the key is to be complete by yourself. Happy with your own life. A partner will never be a 'cure' to your problems. They will fill the role of medication... you will change focus onto this person and forget about your problems, that doesn't mean the problems no longer exist.

A partner should complement you, not complete you.

Being whole WITHOUT a partner will help avoid becoming lost in someone else.

Adikkal
 
^^ Great post Adikkal
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I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment of knowing yourself and being happy with the person you are, over finding someone to distract you or fill the gaps in your life.

After coming out of a rough relationship towards the end of last year, I told myself that I would have at least until the middle of this year, totally relationship free, to sort out my own headspace. That is, even if what seemed like the perfect girl came along, I wouldn't allow myself to get involved until I knew myself better. Now that hasn't meant that I have steered clear of sex all together, but anyone that I have slept with has known my situation in advance, and boundaries have been established long before there was the possibility of anyone getting hurt.

The sex that I have had with my fuckbuddy has been far from meaningless, and doesn't leave either of us feeling shallow afterwards. That sharing of intimacy and physical closeness is just an add-on to the friendship we already have.

However, in any situation like that I think it's vital that you both discuss the "rules" of your arrangement first. If those boundaries start to blur, or feelings get involved then it needs to be discussed or possibly ended to avoid one or both of you getting hurt.

Overall, the most important thing is exactly what Adikkal said above me
Adikkal said:
Being whole WITHOUT a partner will help avoid becoming lost in someone else.
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Know yourself, and what makes you happy, then you'll know what you need to be happy, and more importantly, you'll recognize when you are not, hopefully in time to do something about it.
 
kazza_baby said:
yes, i am confused :(
the problem is i have no idea what i want.
i think i do, and then it comes my way and i decide its not what i'm looking for after all.
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Hahaha... That's all I Have To Say To That...
 
I forgot to add, as a result of my enforced relationship-free period, and spending that time getting my own head sorted out, I'm currently the happiest I've ever been with myself and my life.

For the first time ever I actually genuinely like myself, which is a long long way from where I was 6 months ago, when I was questioning my value in every sense.

Nothing external is going to be able to make you as happy as knowing yourself fully can.
 
ButrosButros_Grantos said:
^^^I am inclined to agree, although sex is wicked (Wicked wicked awesome) if there is no meaing with it and is only the grappling of two bodies then it leaves me feeling shallow afterwards.
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exactly.
it's no secret that i love sex.
but for me intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex. i view it as being 'one' with a person, can be in a physcial sense, but for me it's more a spiritual thing. knowing every detail about each other, and being completely comfortable.
you don't get that from sex, it's merely an act performed by our bodies.
 
Ive had a sex dream every night this week.

Wednesdays night was the wierdest. I dreamt I died from an acid overdose at woodstock. Then I felt better and my boyfriend was dancing naked under a sprinkler system. Then we somehow started having sex in a van.
 
smart-e said:
Ive had a sex dream every night this week.

Wednesdays night was the wierdest. I dreamt I died from an acid overdose at woodstock. Then I felt better and my boyfriend was dancing naked under a sprinkler system. Then we somehow started having sex in a van.
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My god.. Maybe you are a re-incarnation of a long lost flower child? Pah! thats not loopy.. What? you think dreams are supposed to be "sane"?
 
I don't know I think my minds just saying im lacking sex. Last night I drempt I was having sex with a guy from uni. This guys like 6 years younger than me and I drempt his dad kicked me out of the guys bed and we ran away to my appartment which happened to be located at Melrose place. I only wish I got as much action as I do in my dreams.
 
Im pretty into dream analysis and id have to correct you there.. Sex is just the 'metaphor' which your subconscious is using to express other things. The meaning behind dreams is never as obvious as it sometimes seems. If you were to analyse all those dreams you would probably find that there are other similarities besides sex. You just think its about sex because your conscious mind, right here, right now, is horney :D
 
Pop Popavich said:
I forgot to add, as a result of my enforced relationship-free period, and spending that time getting my own head sorted out, I'm currently the happiest I've ever been with myself and my life.

For the first time ever I actually genuinely like myself, which is a long long way from where I was 6 months ago, when I was questioning my value in every sense.

Nothing external is going to be able to make you as happy as knowing yourself fully can.
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I Like You Too...

I've relised that although people think being in a relationship is all ball and chains... However it's not. If you're in a relationship that you're happy with, and the other person is happy (By happy I mean trully happy, not fighting all the time, enjoying spending time with the other person) then you both feel awesome. Waking up in the morning, turning your head, seeing the other person then just smiling... There is NOTHING better in the world...

Damn we miss some things :(...
 
Adikkal said:
Damn straight, women don't know what they want. Consciously it's one thing, but on a natural level of attraction its completely different.

Is it any wonder why so many guys are confused as fuck over womens behaviour?
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I guess it's just that i'm not used to a guy being so openly expressive of his feelings and i don't see myself as perfect as he makes out i am so i'm a little scared....

I'm not crazy

really i'm not

really
 
DQ, you don't need to be perfect to be perfect for him. As Adikkal said, a partner should compliment you, and it just may be that you compliment him perfectly.

Having said that, I know how scary it can be to have someone profess their thoughts about you like that. It gives a huge feeling of expectation, and for me can go either way. It either worries me that I'm not up to the task and when found out, will cause it to all come crashing down, or it gives me thoughts of stagnation, as in, if I'm perfect for this person now, what happens when I change (as we all do). Will they change with me, or will that cause problems when they realise I'm no longer the person the fell in love with?

Hmm, that probably didn't help at all. :\
 
PP - thanks... yeah i am kinda worried that he doesn't really know me well enough to think so highly of me. Does that mean i don't reall think much of myself?

and yeah i guess i might be perfect for him but i don't know if he's perfect for me. It's certainly worth a try though with the way he feels about me. It can't be all that bad when he already thinks i'm the most sexiest and beautiful thing on the planet.... who me? yes me.... i dunno....
 
I hear ya doofqueen... having anyone pour their heart out like that is definitely uncomfortable. People need self control, even if you feel like that - telling someone is just gonna make shit weird, unless you are already in a decent relo.
 
I've told him that he is being too full on too soon and seems to be rushing things and doesn't know me well enough to have such strong feelings for me and is scaring me. He said he was sorry and that it's been a while since he was in a relationship and all these feelings he is having are all new to him and doesn't know how to handle them. (which is scary in itself) new feelings? woah!
 
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