Bluelight Singles thread "Living without justification" Part 2

[Wacky]

PLUR Bro

but being peaceful, being a loving person, preaching unity and having respect for women so doesnt work man

Yeah I know

Why else do you think women complain about dating 'assholes',they choose to date 'assholes' ,he,he,he,he........... .


PS: PLUR,PLUR,PLUR to up all night .

 

[up all night]

That's such a copout [no offence]. 'Ohhh chicks don't like me because I'm a nice guy. They only like assholes.'

Girls like someone who is interesting.

 

[funluvingurl]

^^^ and unfortunately interesting means..., maybe not always interesting, but I'd use the word challenging too.

 

[up all night]

Nah the word challenge denotes hard work and up all night and hard work are not a good combination.

 

[preacha]

i think the funniest thing is that we are all bitching about being single (except me, im just not getting sex), yet where are we posting about it?

the internet.

leave your houses people
(note: i dont have to leave my house, long distance relationship, the computer is how i keep it ALIIIIIVE)

 

[funluvingurl]

I don't spend all my time on the internet - I swear.

 

[up all night]

preacha: I just want to sleep with as many bluelighters as possible. I'm just laying the groundwork.

 

[che_melbourne]

hey muzby...... how old is her sister

 

[Wacky]

That's such a copout [no offence]. 'Ohhh chicks don't like me because I'm a nice guy. They only like assholes.'

Girls like someone who is interesting.

I was only joking .

I'm told, I'm interesting by people I know and of course think that myself .
Nice does NOT have to = boring.Nice can be someone that's interesting but respectful to people.Asshole can be boring too - Predictably treating someone like crap.



:D

 

[doofqueen]

hey just in case anyone cares...i messaged that guy i am seeing and said something the the effect of 'hope your dental app went well and your not in too much pain, if your free later maybe you can come over and i'll make you feel better"

response " probably wont be up this weekend, have to see some mates. Did you get your pc fixed yet?"

what the hell does that mean? seems to me that he's shrugging me off but he still wants a response because he's asking me a question ...or would that be him being polite?

bah ..i dunno and since we havent had the 'talk' (because after all it was only three dates) i don't know if we have anything exclusive going and i feel palmed off

I think i did bad on the weekend though..

story time... (actually i think i was fooled with a come on line)

Walked into the party (after 6 vodkas and some weed) to help set up and meet this boy.

Now this boy is just divine and delicious...blonde hair, blue eyes and just so sweet yet michevious looking with a glint of something in his eyes ...

He asks me about my labret

"doesn't that hurt who your kissing?"

" no i've been told it's actually quite nice and just tickles"

"really? it looks sharp.."

"nah even the boys who were scared that it hurt when they kissed me said it was pleasently nice"

"hmm i dont belive you"

"well why dont you rub your chin on mine and feel"

--- *so he rubs his chin across my labret*

him " hmm that is kinda nice i guess"

" told you"

*then he actually kisses me*

*i return the kiss*

here we are just met after 2 minutes and i'm pashing him in the middle of the set up of a party

but man he just had that thing that was just irresistable and i couldnt help but kiss him and he gave blissful kisses aswell!

It was like one of those "meet a stranger and have a moment" things like they have in old movies..it was pretty cool hehehe but i have NEVER done anything like that before with a stranger

crazy!

but now i have a dilema incase mr dentist app man thinks we have something and i wasn't supposed to do anything with anyone else...but because things were not 'established' am i ok? i havent done anything wrong have i and 'm under no obligation to tell him right?

right? :/

 

[papermate]

irrate

re: the nice guy complex thing. Aisha_star posted something in one of the singles threads some time ago about the nice guy complex. I really couldnt be bothered finding it and posting the link because the connection here at work is bit crap. someone do it if they have the energy.

Basically what she said is that nice guys are boring. as up_all_night has said. there is no spice, no challenge nothing to inspire. Ironically it doesnt work the same for the guys. most guys love nice girls - possibley more than nasty ones because they know they have control, hand and arent afraid of the nice girls.

The point of my post is that I could safely say that I used to be in the nice - guy category. The amount of comments about me being gay - or why was i still single were frustrating at times. It made me feel good inside when someone (or everyone) said:

'' *** you deserve a real nice girl...you really do".

but that chick didnt come along often.

Although I've dated/slept with a fair share of girls in my past, recently it's been going a bit silly. But i dont care anymore. I'll make some sort snide remark, slightly sleazy, possible a bit too flirtasious, ill blow off dates, ill demand their time on the spot so to speak. Its hard to explain, but I really dont care about girls feelings that much anymore. I find myselfing calling more often, and sending more message and i suppose you get back what you put in. Im still nice in the sense that I'm not the sort of bloke to bash a girl or leave her stranded somewhere in the middle of the night.

I suppose the best way to say this is that i have stopped focusing on what the girl wants and thought a bit more about what I want. Its a bit difficult to explain, you just have to be yourself. So many times I've heard guy friends who have sort of reached that point say just that. but its true...just be yourself.

unfortunately though i dont think i have met my soulmate. (which i beleive in). im tired of looking at a girl after sex, or whilst having dinner/lunch and thinking - ''why cant you be more [insert picky comment].?''

I want a girl that
- has manners and respects both her and my family.
- has ambition and a respect for the professional work environment. someone who wont bother me at work with phone calls about nothing. someone who has the politeness to ask if i'm busy or not and not get upset if i am.
- has a real nice arse. this is what im talking about
- like to travel, someone who has both the financial security and ambtion to go to other parts of sydney/australia even the world on a constant basis. someone who will run away for the weekend on the last minute.
- wants to buy property with me.
- likes musicals / theatre and going to backstreet plays in Surrey Hills or at the Dendy. Going to little art exhibitions or big ones for that matter.
- someone like up_all_night who will get up in the middle of the night to watch a shooting star, or go for a walk at circular quey and sit on a park bench. then to talk about our dreams and lives firends till 4am in the morning.
- doesnt smoke
- has friends that are nice and gets along with my friends.
- looks at me like im special and there is no-one else like me.
- i've come to the point where clubbing/pash and dash/ one night stands are has become such a pain in the arse. all i want to do is have a nice sleep, wake up healthy to someone i love.

i just cant help but giving all the girls i meet a shelf life less than 2 weeks. ;/

 

[BREAKaBEAT]

Re: irrate

Im still nice in the sense that I'm not the sort of bloke to bash a girl or leave her stranded somewhere in the middle of the night.

Wow you sound so fanatstic can I get to know you better ????

8) 8(

 

[Macksta]

I reckon if you're a nice guy, but also a real smart ass then that probably makes you more interesting.

 

[doofqueen]

^^ i don't know about that. I like cheeky boys but smartarses are a turn off and there is a big difference between the two...

 

[Backo]

dude, remember shrek was an ogre and an asshole and he got that fox of a princess!

hahaha... nah all good, You can be a nice guy. But being a nice guy can sometimes mean you take shit that you shouldnt. It makes you look weak because you dont have enough pride in yourself and you just want the waters to be calm. So if people see you as one of these people who try to make everything ok, and if that means taking other peoples shit and just bearing it, then how are you ever going to get someone else to respect you when you dont give yourself the respect you deserve

 

[Macksta]

^^ i don't know about that. I like cheeky boys but smartarses are a turn off and there is a big difference between the two...

Hmm you're right. I think I meant cheeky then too.

 

[BREAKaBEAT]

Yes !

 

[Adikkal]

ahh the nice guy complex

It arises again..

I agree with alot of what papermate had to say but think you should still have empathy for the girls and consider their feelings. HOWEVER, this does not mean doing everything a girl wants - that will get you nowhere fast. Getting called "nice" by a girl is prolly one of the worst compliments you can receive if you have any sexual/romantic interest in them.

Nice people are more often than not, hellishly boring. You know those people who are pleasant to be around, will go out of their way to make you happy but still leave you empty and uninspired. "Nice" people are like plain water crackers.

The cheeky attitude is more fun. Being the nice-guy leads to emotional hang-ups over one girl who you pine over for ages and never get anywhere. You spend your single life driven by an emotional infatuation over a girl who you will probably drive further away by feeling this way. If you adopt a fun and cheeky attitude, life in general becomes more entertaining and your confidence builds.

Up All Night - you're spot on about having fantasys of the perfect relationship. Movies/TV Shows/Books etc have conditioned us to view relationships in a fairy tale type of way that doesn't work in real life. You know, how the guy wins over the girl by doing a bunch of horribly romantic things? Or the girl tames her bad boy into being respectable and nice. The repetition of these types of stories infect our way of thinking and we start to think that this is how it actually happens... if you think it actually works like that - Wake Up.

Adikkal

 

[Mr. Horse]

I think literature and film [anything fictional] has a lot to answer for when it comes to my idea of what a relationship should be. It's funny, the longer I'm single the more idealistic my fantasies become. I want that slap-in-the-face exaltation of new love that only happens in film and I want that perfectly subtle flirting and witty repartee that only happens in Jane Austen books.

I totally agree. My expectations for relationships are getting harder and harder to fulfill, thanks to silly movies I see, and relationships I idealise that arn't actually as rosy as I am led to believe.

I don't like feeling like there is something wrong with me because I don't have a girlfriend. It just creates anxiety, and you'll probably be more inclined to go for someone who doesn't meet up with your standards because you feel you "have" to be in a relationship. But from experience, i'm a much happier person when i'm single, rather than when i'm in a relationship where I feel i'm trapped, or with someone who I know isn't matched.

With that said, the times when relationships are good, when you can lie next to someone, and not need to tell them why you're upset, because to them it doesn't matter WHY, but that you ARE. They just understand and hug you, thats what I miss.

I think being single for a while makes you realise that happiness can never come from anyone other than yourself. Others can help make you happier, but at the end of the day, if you're not happy within yourself, no one can make that better. It can make you stronger, and much more independant, but also quite lonely.

I'm really looking forward to falling in love with someone I haven't met yet. There is no better feeling. Now I just have to find her

 

[Macksta]

Further to the brief remarks made by my associates Up All Night and Adikkal, I remembered something I wrote in my livejournal re. the impact of Hollywood and fictional media on our ideas of relationships (I'd just finished watching 'There's Something About Mary'). I was pretty depressed by it at the time.

"...as I was watching I began thinking about the bullshit stories these Hollywood movies all contain. Stupid love struck dork falls for the stunning head cheerleader at High School or something, and although they're worlds apart it all comes good in the end, and the credits begin to roll while they're running hand in hand in slow motion down a beach. What horse crap! It's like we watch these movies because they represent these idealised accounts of how we'd like our lives to turn out (maybe not getting the balls stuck in the zipper bit), but all they serve to do is to frustrate and give us a warped and unrealistic expectation of what should be going on in our real lives.

Most movies revolve around the concept that if you are a good, decent and kind person.. you may be a little downtrodden at first, but you will eventually end up deliriously happy, and visited by the noble benefactor of 'natural justice' who bestows upon you all those good things you have waited so patiently and gone through so much for.

In short, that good things happen to good people.

But that's clearly not the case and there's no reason short of gazing at astrological charts and comparing them with peoples birth dates to think that there is any form of 'natural justice'. I see so many people on the street who were born alone, live alone and for all I know will die alone. To think that we only have one life... one shot at being a teenager, another shot at being in our early 20's, one random shot at having good parents... to think that people miss out on simple happiness in any part of that life is heart breaking to me. To then have to watch these sugar-coated celluloid fairytales of quirky love, or triumph in the face of overwhelming odds only makes the gulf between the real world and my own subconscious conditioning of what to expect in the real world even wider."