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Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!

*sigh* I knew I'd get a response like that.
it's not a checklist. I don't meet a boy and tick all the things off on my list. I'm just outlining the types of people I'm normally attracted to. I'm just not attracted to shy, stupid people. A relationship with a shy, stupid person just wouldn't work with me. I'd walk all over them and be unable to hold a decent conversation with them. So what's wrong with saying I'm looking for a confident, intelligent boy?
It's not like I'm saying I want a brown haired 6ft 1" blue eyed 26 year old boy. I just know the qualities in a person I'm attracted to.
pfft. I can't be bothered justifying myself.
 
Originally posted by miss apple:
*sigh* I knew I'd get a response like that.
I'm just not attracted to shy, stupid people. A relationship with a shy, stupid person just wouldn't work with me.
now that brought a smile to my face! :D
I think it's quite fair to know what you want - and to go after it. I figure you're not the sort of person who would associate only with certain types of people, which leaves the door open to the unexpected. It's people who won't even consider people who don't have a particular look/style/whatever that annoy me.
Anyway, back on topic, any Sydney singles who like prog-house feel like a night at sweetchilli (Dendy) this sat?
hux.
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Originally posted by miss apple:
who cares about how they look, who loves music, and who likes me as much as I like them is all I ask. Oh and they have to be taller than me. but that's it! you wouldn't think it'd be that hard would you?
It was more those sort of points I was referring to. And you don't have to take things so personally when it comes to this thread because I actually wasn't referring to you, but to someone else who I know will read this thread. I hadn't even read your post when I posted but I can see how it would have come across as it did.
Apologies if I offended your sensibilities.
For the record, IMHO there's nothing wrong with having an idea of what you want, but why even bother thinking about it? Wouldn't you naturally be attracted to a person without having to itemise exactly what it is you want, or why you are attracted to them in the first place? Just seems like a waste of time.
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thats an interesting point miss apple brought up, i used to be quite errrm... anal about my partner being able to appreciate the same music as i do. i know that's not the most appropriate "criteria" (if there should even be a "criteria") but it was almost something i cannot look past, when i can deal with almost anything else.
i have since given up on meeting someone who would appreciate the same music, on the same level :\
 
I don't think there is anything wrong with knowing what you want and setting a few standards. I'm sure that if someone came along who was great in every except for the fact that he was slightly shorter than miss apple, she wouldn't rule him out.
In a way I guess it's about having enough pride in yourself. By setting certain standards you are saying 'well I think I am good enough to find someone who...'
What's the point of jumping into a relationship with someone who isn't right? If you do that, you will never be happy.
 
woah, so many things to comment on & I've only been away a week :) and the closest I came to picking up on holidays was a feral truckie type guy who grabbed my arse and offered to help me line up my shot at pool.
QUEEN BEAT:
What does everyone else think? If you thought you'd found 'the one', would you consider getting engaged/married/starting a family at a young age?
Not a chance!! I have one friend who is married with a baby (she's just turned 22) and while I respect that family life was always her dream, there's no way I could do it myself. I have too many things I want to do, number 1 being travel, that I think must be experienced on your own.
I'm in no rush to settle down and I'm (for the most part) happy with my life as is: no obligations or resposibilities to anyone else.
That said, I think my biggest issue at the moment is just a craving for intimacy. I have close friends for good conversation but nothing beats having someone to hold :)
***
djwombat81au:
Just a quick question, is it better to be good friends, and not date, or date, and potentially screw the friendship up? And if u have feelings for a good friend, do u act on them??
From my experience, be very very very sure before going there. Twice now I have acted on feelings for close friends. Both times fuelled by alcohol (silly me!). First guy I really should have known it wasn't going to work, but the second I was pretty sure he wanted something more. Anyway, it all backfired and it took a long time to get back to where we were before. But I also think a great friendship is an ideal basis for a relationship, so I can't say I wouldn't do it again in the future.
***
Miss Apple:
so what's everyone's views on work relationships?
hmmm, another toughie...again, you gotta be sure about what the other person is feeling because of the factor that you will see them everyday if it goes wrong. I like a guy at work, we have been talking quite a bit but I don't really know what to do about it at this stage...still early days :P
***
there were some more points, but I will tackle them later :) feeling a bit sleepy right now.
I know you are meant to climb back on the horse, but I'm tired of being thrown...maybe I'll just stay here in the dirt awhile.
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You miss it, you don't miss it. There's good, there's bad, there's mediocre, there's comforting, there's jarring.
Relationships can be a way of maximising the enjoyment of life, they are a way of doubling the joys, and theoretically halving the sadnesses. But they're not the only way to live.
Kat: As to the throwing from horse thing, I completely understand.
*puzzled grumbles*
I damn el 'cid sketchehdness attacking my brain, I was sure I had a good point to make.
Effectively I'd like to say don't worry be happy. :)
pLuR!!!! ;)
-plaz out-
 
Mr_Fluffy, i know you'll probably read this in the next little while, and you know what, you were right, it really isn't the same. ;)
Apart from that, yay for me and yay for life. Joy to the world, and all the boys and girls! Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea - joy for you and me...
:D
 
Originally posted by *starfalls69*:
i miss having a reltionhsip...BUT...i dont miss the shit and problems that comes with them :)
My thoughts exactly :)
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Originally posted by Queen Beat:
For the record, IMHO there's nothing wrong with having an idea of what you want, but why even bother thinking about it? Wouldn't you naturally be attracted to a person without having to itemise exactly what it is you want, or why you are attracted to them in the first place? Just seems like a waste of time.
You gotta have something to think about when you're lying in bed alone on a sunday morning.
vurt:
i have since given up on meeting someone who would appreciate the same music, on the same level
You probably won't find someone who'll appreciate the same music on the same level (except me but I live in Sydney ;) ) but you might be able to meet someone who shares a passion for music in general (who knows...they might introduce you to another form of music that you didn't appreciate beforehand...and you can show them the joys of prog ;) ). I think it's pretty important in a relationship to have someone who shares the same interests as you. otherwise what are you going to do together?
Bossdog:
I'm sure that if someone came along who was great in every except for the fact that he was slightly shorter than miss apple, she wouldn't rule him out.
exactly. these aren't rules for the person I'm looking for. they're an ideal of what I think I'd be attracted to. but if there was someone who came along who didn't meet most of what I thought I was looking for, but there was that 'thing' between us, then all that gets thrown out the window. I'm looking for the 'thing'. Regardless of the package it's in. I just imagine that the 'thing' will happen with someone of those qualities.
Bossdog (again!)
In a way I guess it's about having enough pride in yourself. By setting certain standards you are saying 'well I think I am good enough to find someone who...'
Now that's an interesting way of looking at it. True though ;)
oh and to anyone following my sad love life (if anyone is, you're just as sad as me ;) ), the work thing didn't work out. it's too close to his break up (he broke up with his live-in girlfriend and she hasn't moved out yet). but I don't think I'll pursue it further. he doesn't have the 'thing' ;)
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oh and queenbeat - the criteria of 'someone who likes me as much as I like them' isn't exactly a criteria. it's pretty much essential to every relationship. and the tall thing was a bit of a joke. which leaves someone who looks cares about how they look and who loves music. not exactly harsh criteria by any stretch of the imagination.
I know you were aiming your original post at someone else reading this thread but I just had to qualify.
 
Ahem, excuse me, huxley! ;) Mind if I break in?
First, here is my account of an imaginary date I had with miss apple. ;) Let's see if you can top that!
Second, addressing the recent topics mentioned in this thread:
  • Music: I spend most of my time listening to classical music, and I have never known a girl my own age who actually liked/preferred classical music. My second preference is classic/hard rock....I did know one girl who really dug Jimi Hendrix as much as me, but it wasn't really anything to build a relationship on. I like going to see live music and I can be open-minded about most music. But being an important aspect of a relationship? Unless either the girl or myself were working musicians, why the fuck should music matter that much in our relationship? I do want a girl who is passionate about something. My two biggest hobbies right now are public speaking and writing. I don't expect a girl to want to hear all my speeches or to read every word I type....I just want her to appreciate that I feel strongly about my hobbies. And it would be great if she had some hobbies/interests of her own.
  • Work relationships: Ah, at this point why not? I have already been burned pretty badly. I have had a couple girls chase me pretty hard at work, and when I didn't respond they turned against me worse than if I had been horrible to them in an actual relationship. You need to be smart in how you approach work relationships, but you need to be smart about approaching any relationship. ;)
  • Criteria: I don't know if it is an age thing, but I'd ask Queen Beat to date around for another ten years and then see if she doesn't come up with some "quick shortcuts" on how to judge and size-up what she expects in a relationship. Lots of us thought that like when we were younger or inexperienced, but let's see how well your theories hold up over time. They very well might, but you'd be the exception. When you have been on over 100 first dates and been involved with dozens of people, you become acutely aware of what you (yourself) have to offer and what you are seeking in a mate. It is not just saying "what makes me happy"....you actually figure out what makes you happy, and that is what you try to do.
Third, as for my personal update....shit, outta time, post it later. ;)
Suggestion for next thread: "Do our expectations change with time?"
 
Originally posted by Catch-22:
I don't know if it is an age thing, but I'd ask Queen Beat to date around for another ten years and then see if she doesn't come up with some "quick shortcuts" on how to judge and size-up what she expects in a relationship. Lots of us thought that like when we were younger or inexperienced, but let's see how well your theories hold up over time. They very well might, but you'd be the exception. When you have been on over 100 first dates and been involved with dozens of people, you become acutely aware of what you (yourself) have to offer and what you are seeking in a mate. It is not just saying "what makes me happy"....you actually figure out what makes you happy, and that is what you try to do.
I can definitely see your point, but I'm just saying this process of selection tends to be more of a natural instinct to most people rather then a well thought out plan of attack. I can see how having a loose list of qualities could be beneficial in creating 'short-cuts' as you say, but what about the people that are being bypassed? And how do you know what makes you happy if you haven't found it yet? I don't know about your situation but maybe other people can't find the one they want because they've got an idea in their head about who they think would be best for them. I know plenty of people who date only a certain type of person and are surprised when their relationships continually fail.
And I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had to be 30 and still single to post anything of benefit in the singles thread.
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