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Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!

DazedAndConfused: Ha! I'm sure there's plenty of guys who would be quite happy with a nymphomaniac snowboarder who couldn't cook to save her life... Unfortunately for you I'm not much of a snowboarder ;)
Gen: Can't imagine what its like, but you aren't two people, but can be all that you were by yourself... You might not want to, but you can...
 
Following your head or your heart, which is better for having a successful relationship?
If you're looking for a long term, stable but loving relationship do you think you're better off chasing the person who makes you heart jump (even if you know nothing about them), or are you better off going for someone who doesn't necessarily drive you crazy, but who you know would make a suitable partner?
This isn't so much a questions of 'Is it better to be with the friend of the lover' because we all know the ideal partner is both. This is more a question of who you should go for in the first place.
So, do you listen to your head, or your heart? And which has resulted in your most successful relationship?
 
Following your head or your heart, which is better for having a successful relationship?
If you're looking for a long term, stable but loving relationship do you think you're better off chasing the person who makes you heart jump (even if you know nothing about them), or are you better off going for someone who doesn't necessarily drive you crazy, but who you know would make a suitable partner?
um, i don't think that chasing someone because they make you're heart jump is necessarily following your heart - i'd say that's more following your hormones (i'm not trying to be crude, it's just that i think we have a different idea of what following your heart means)...... for me, following your heart is more about "listening" to how you feel emotionally about someone, it doesn't necessarily mean there is no logic involved it just means that the decision isn't completely cerebral.....
hope that makes sense,
bk
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:) Yeah you're right, but when I say making your heart jump I just mean that inexplainable something which attracts you to a person. It's not necessarily their appearance - just that feeling that has no rational thought behind it.
Do those initial instincts prove themselves to be right very often? Or are they, like blue kitten said, merely hormones...
 
if a partner becomes a package of attibutes u can assess rationally, what's there to stop u from finding the same package in another person and replacing what u have?
i'd like to think there is an irrational element in attraction.
:)
 
I think when queen beat said "making your heart jump", i don't think she was referring to anything lustful. Making ones heart jump could mean that in a short amount of time, this person triggers something inside of you, a connection is made on a level that is removed from a physical attraction...this can be very confusing, especially when you really don't "know" alot about the person...
For me, following your heart can mean taking HUGE leaps of faith, doing things that you wouldn't usually do, things that can sometimes be perceived as irrational by others (and yourself!) but can lead to the most amazing, magical, awesome outcomes! People can find the loves of their lives if they follow their hearts....so following your heart can be as sensible as thinking "well, yes, this person and i click on different levels" to "Well, hell, the odds are against this, but woohoo, here i come!!!"
Everyone's perceptions are different :)
On a personal level, i was very lucky to find someone that made my heart leap, made my hormones race and was, in my rational mind, a "suitable" partner. We've been together for 4 years now :) :) :)
 
Originally posted by samadhi:
Making ones heart jump could mean that in a short amount of time, this person triggers something inside of you, a connection is made on a level that is removed from a physical attraction...this can be very confusing, especially when you really don't "know" alot about the person...
On a personal level, i was very lucky to find someone that made my heart leap, made my hormones race and was, in my rational mind, a "suitable" partner. We've been together for 4 years now :) :) :)
First of all congratulations for have a 4 year relationship :) something i dont know if i would ever be capable of doing.
I havent posted in the singles thread for a while, firstly because i have been getting laid and secondly because i am so lost. The past few weeks have made me realise ALOT.........
I have been fucking someone whom I work with, which if we got caught or people found out, i could, more like i will be transfurred stores. Also i am a manager and he is a worker for me.
I have also decided to kill this off because i cannot find a reason for why i am sleeping with this guy, i do not like him in that way, we dont connect, his room smells, his dogs annoy me, and all i was doing was going there to smoke bongs and have sex. So its off, from today, now all i have to do is make it clear or tell him, in some way i dont know how......... but i will find a way.
So in ALL possible ways i am single again, and i think i need to re-assess my opinons and feelings about relationships, Those who know and have chatted to me may think that they were a little whack.
Maybe i am worth something afterall, maybe somebody will love me one day, and i will lovemyself back equally as much as they love me
maybe............
-funki-
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Funki, you have no idea how glad I am to hear that. :) I think we've all got to sort ourselves out before we can expect to be content with anyone else. Much love and hugs. And besides, a smelly room is always indicative of the fact the relationship won't last. ;)
Samadhi: That's exactly what I mean. :) But when people follow that intense initial attraction, how often does it actually lead to a good relationship? Is it comfort or passion that generally leads to long lasting happiness?
God I've had way too much time to think today. ;)
[ 10 September 2002: Message edited by: Queen Beat ]
 
Heart vs. Head
Never listened to my head, never will. If I did, I'd be married now, to some girl who makes roughly the same amount of money as me, who shares a similar socio-political worldview, who has exactly the same tastes in music and so on. Never settle for second best, never settle for just anyone.
I remember that episode of Ally (LOL), and it was one of my favorites from the first season where the fat lawyer who liked Ally almost called off his wedding, he had convinced himself that he would settle for his fat girlfriend because it was the best he could get and he should just be happy with what he had. Even if she didn't make his heart 'jump'.
We all deserve someone who makes our pulse quicken and our throat lumpy. End of story.
 
Queen Beat I thought that's what you meant :)
To answer your question...I tend to agree with hoptis. When S and I first met, we both got the lumps in the throats, the flutter-byes in the stomach and that heart-jump. I've been with him for just under 4 years now...and while that inital passion, etc isn't as "intense" now as it was in the way back when, it's more "familiar" now...and while i'll always look back and smile on those initial days/weeks/months, i have something to look forward to...it's a special passion that develops when you're with a person that not only makes my heart sing, but ignites in you a feeling that can only occur in a long-term relationship. It's the anticipation of knowing that this person knows you inside-out, knows exactly what turns you on etc etc. I think it comes down to the couples in question...some couple get complacent with the maturation of a relationship, and that's where it gets dangerous.
Initially though, i definitely agree with hoptis, you should never settle. There has to be that element of "oh my stars!" :D
i'd like to also point out, that by purely following your heart (my definition), not only can wonderful things occur, it can all go pear-shaped...but you learn and grow from those experiences...and you won't live with the thought "what if?" :)
I hope that all makes sense, i've got "half-an-hour-till-work-finishes" delerium :D
[ 10 September 2002: Message edited by: samadhi ]
 
^^^^^^So true, I almost got caught like that, thank god work commitments ended it, and now I am quite content to just wait and not rush into anything.
I find when relatives say "they would be a good person to settle down with", it makes you realise that could be the only reason you were with them in the first place, and settle down, please!
 
okies, just to clarify what i was saying earlier :)
my apologies queen beat, i assumed that by saying "make your heart jump" you were referring to something more superficial than you really were - i think i was confused coz you said "even if you know nothing about them" so i assumed it was a person you hadn't really met before..... i didn't mean to imply that it was purely physical/hormonal either, just that a quick look across the room and seeing someone you like the look of probably is. so again, sorry if i got your message mixed up :)
like i said above, for me following your heart is more about "listening" to how you feel emotionally about someone..... however, i don't know if you can ever completely separate this from "listening" to your head.....
okay - my example:
my current boyfriend and i have been together for almost 8 months - we were best friends for over a year before we got together and during this time he was always there for me no matter what, including during two yucky relationships and the collapse of our friendship group. after these two yucky relationships i decided that i didn't want/couldn't be in a relationship for a while, it had nothing to do with anyone else but i needed the space to "get back to myself". also, i was feeling very distrustful because my last ex cheated on me. so when i thought something was "happening" between my now boyfriend and i, i was very wary of it..... i have lost 3 very special male friends because we introduced sex into our friendship and there was no way i wanted to lose this guy. so when i did make a move on my boyfriend it was a HUGE leap of faith for me - i was following my heart ..... i realised that i could very likely lose the most important person in my life if i didn't take this chance. but that's not to say that my "head" didn't come into this decision either..... maxi has never hurt me and always been there during my lowest lows so my head as well as my heart knew that this was the person for me.......
in essence, i think you need an element of both "heart" and "head" for a really meaningful realtionship - but that's based on my definition of what a meaning relationship is (for someone else it might be soley sexual compatability or making the same amount of money - who knows).....
bk :)
 
I figured out my feelings the other day. I'm happy being single but I prefer to be in love.
So either way I can't lose.
 
If my head and my heart don't agree, I'm not going to follow either of them...
Simply put, if my intellectual and emotional sides don't agree, then there's obviously confusion as to what I want, and there's possibly going to be the thought that I shouldn't be with this person...
...Of course I may not be right, my feelings may grow over time, or I may find a stronger intellectual connection developes after a while, and my head and heart can eventually agree, so when it comes down to it, I'll listen to my feelings, and think things through carefully, and still take a chance if it seems there's a chance it'll work out...
Vurt: Faithfulness and reliability is what would stop you from finding the same package in another person... If you're happy with someone though, why would you want to find someone else?
...It's true though as far as I can see, quite often attraction is completely irrational...
 
Originally posted by Tarsarlan:
Vurt: Faithfulness and reliability is what would stop you from finding the same package in another person... If you're happy with someone though, why would you want to find someone else?
...It's true though as far as I can see, quite often attraction is completely irrational...
ah i wasnt implying that we be unfaithful and stuff, i just dont think u can reduce what u see in ur partner into quantifiable attibutes which u can rationalise over in ur head. i dont see decisions regarding partners as a A vs B, pros and cons situation. there is definitely something magical in the equation, or i'd like to think so.
then again i dont usually find myself in situations where i get to choose from a lotta choices :\ :D
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Well I don't believe in magic... I'm a big fan of fantasy, but I don't believe it...
...but who knows, maybe there is something magical involved, but like ghosts, and telepathy, and clairvoyance, I haven't experienced it, nor have I seen any proof in others, so I'm not going to believe in it...
I've seen irrational thought, infatuation, and plain lust cause people to make decisions in regards to relationship, but magic? ...no...
I see everything as a pros vs. cons situation... If the cons too greatly outweight the pros in a relationship, then it's not going to work unless those cons can be changed... Its a matter of compromise...
Of course its not all so bleak... There is some magic... The joy of being with someone you care about (even love) who cares for (or loves) you...
Magic is just a convenient label for something else... It's useful if you don't want to figure out what that something else is, or if you're afraid that in figuring it out, it loses its meaning...
I like to know what that 'something else' is... Hell, I want to know what everything else is... Which may seem somewhat un-romantic, but I think i've proven in the past that un-romantic is something I'm not ;)
[ 11 September 2002: Message edited by: Tarsarlan ]
 
Okay to all you lovely singles, question:
Is there any point to a relationship where you both know that it is going to end sometime in the near future (4 months or so) due to someone moving away?
I really like my boyfriend a lot but i dont want to get more attached considering i know i most likely will be moving to melbourne and him somewhere else in the world. I feel like it is all just going to end in pain... and dont know if there really is any point.
 
Originally posted by Boppychick:
Is there any point to a relationship where you both know that it is going to end sometime in the near future (4 months or so) due to someone moving away?
I asked the same questions a few pages ago...it's definitely worth it. And besides, you never know what may happen over the next four months. :)
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I'd say its worth it... Knowing that it's going to end may give you some time to adjust and to deal with the pain... And if all goes well it will end on a good note, so it won't be as painful as it otherwise could be...
I'd like to think that it would be worth it, I'd like to think that the happiness you could experience together would be more than worth the pain of a mutual, expected breakup...
 
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