Bluelight...I need your HELP bad

Ravyc123

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
2
I'm 23, I took a good amount of ecstasy in the past about 30-50 pills over a period of time and I think it still affects me today. I picked up a number of pills one time and I got arrested but thank god they did not find the pills. That day is in my mind forever I am forever traumitzied by it. Although I still feel the affects of doing ecstasy. I have no motivation for anything, I can't keep a steady job or make up my mind in anything. I have suicide thoughts go through my mind all the time but I just cant do that. I have a beautiful family and a sweet little 6 year old sister. I was the happpiest and jolliest kid ever growing up. I had the world in my hands and beautiful girlfriends and once all that was over I went through a little depression and started to ecstasy non-stop. Today, I have no motivation for life I just want to stay home all day and do nothing. The girls I was used to able to sleep with, I'm just awkward around them. I dont know what to do Bluelight, my life seems done but I just can't end it. Mind you this was over 3-4 years ago when I did the ecstasy. Maybe I'm overthinking it and I am full recovered? Maybe I'm not? I'm gonna go talk to a psychirist and see what they say. But I want your guys advice also. Sorry this is short I wrote more before but it got deleted. Any questions or comments much appreciated thanks.
 
I was getting a good amount of excercise the last 2 weeks. But i got an opportunity to go live with my cousin in Maine for a summer job so I stopped. That's when I felt like I wasn't mentally fit, I started missing my family, didn't want to hang out, no motivation. There was even a girl that was down to have sex and I didn't make moves on her, so yeah that could've been the social anxiety. I feel so hopeless.
 
It can be lonely adjusting to a new place. Maybe set yourself up for a good summer reading program full of books that focus on transformation and healing? Taking lonely times and turning them into productive alone time can be a very powerful shift. Some authors to look for might be Eckhart Tolle, Rick Hansen, Pema Chodron. It is completely natural and normal to have these lost times in life. Learning to not see them negatively is empowering.<3
 
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