bloody lip

[jameslovesyou]

a careless wipe of her bloody lip
irreversibly stained
a quick swish of the hip
a shadow all that remained

heels dig in deep
"it's broken you know"
oblivion a simple leap
its starting to snow

the carcass seeks peace
a duly needed rest
oh i'm sorry
i didn't realize i was being a pest

this fucking poem is shit
unrelated
spread like the blood on her lip
but its how i feel
and it doesn't have to rhyme
or make
any
sense
at
all

 

[Jabberwocky]

i sometimes love the train of thought that can be derailed by other thought. I often think in circuitous patterns and one words creates sentences that flow and destroy each other. I like how in your poem the lip imagery as well as the blood imagry is repeated making me think that this is spoken word and it is painful but you are seeing through anothers eye.

 

[colicolo]

i really enjoyed the first verses in this piece, but i think the ending could be further developed.
These lines are fab:

heels dig in deep
"it's broken you know"
oblivion a simple leap