Blind

[DilatedPeoPles]

Seems Like I made the Mistake
Called you that night just a little to late

Your ora leaked the feeling of no desire
seemed so strange.. as if there was another boy for Hire

I tugged on the string that night..
So Hard..
I never thought it would break
and me land in that hole
hit my head
and climbed out

I gave you my heart smiling
Placed it in your soft palm
You looked into my bright eyes
w/ a suttle smirk
you begin to squeeze
my face turned white"
as the rest of care gushed out
I fell to the floor
Tapped out
as I watched it fall from your hand and hit the ground
and you just walked away

Stood up
eyez black
w/ a hole in my chest
fire burning below
as the ice crystals from my head began to melt
No more numbness
as the truth has been following me all along
now jaded
I can see clearly

You didn't exist

 

[ARo of the west]

Very interesting. This is so cryptic that I kinda wish you could tell us about your inspiration for this poem and what the symolism represents.

 

[neverwas]

very descriptive and nice

 

[Xherrus]

Well... the symbolism makes sense to me. Nice work DilatedPeoPles. :D

 

[skjalff]

I liked it a lot

<<
I gave you my heart smiling
Placed it in your soft palm
You looked into my bright eyes
w/ a suttle smirk
you begin to squeeze
my face turned white"
as the rest of care gushed out
I fell to the floor
Tapped out
as I watched it fall from your hand and hit the ground
and you just walked away
>>

i really liked the rithm progression in this one, the last line is very fresh and ends the paragraph perfectly.

great work!



skjalff

 

[cherub]

Great piece!! reading it i couldn't wait to read more.

 

[RareForm]

this was oh so good...I really felt this one....

btw: love your avatar.

 

[DilatedPeoPles]

wow, dident think this peice would get this many replys.. Thanks alot guys