Inching my way across to the unknown,
peircing the water's skin now with my toes.
I look down to see a sea if rippling images,
fluid reflections that serve to hypnotize.
Its only the thought of the
plunge here that I drown in.
So far out the swimming, so
deep potential drowning.
Looking down and in,
right away, there I see you.
It's always the same: once in solitude,
once the quickening slows, the static silences,
and my brain is burnt of its array of distractions,
I see clearly, and there you stand again.
My dear, you're looking morbid again.
I see behind my back, your face grows longer
as your eyes look away from me, rolling,
your frustration grows so you're slipping further.
Holding something in one hand, always.
Holding something in another, which way
does it all tip today, or is it finally set in place,
or is there anything left I could say, or is it all
passed, and so its sealed, our fate?
The bridge I can't get passed, can't cross.
Is that a dove spiraling above me now?
Perhaps its a crow.
Must be made of sacred stone to survive
throughout all our continual blasting and
burning, you know?
I turned away to hide my face from you.
Fear you mistook that for cold shoulder and indifference.
I'm not deaf, trust me, I'm just hopelessly mute.
Not blind, just afraid what looking would do.
Sometimes I don't really think
you give a flying shit anymore.
Sometimes I think you care too fucking much
and that's why you shut the door,
as if distance or distraction ever
worked before for either of us,
and I know you see this
as all one-sided,
as given by you and
not returned,
and I know I can't reveal
what I refuse to feel
and I refuse to believe anything
because I'm always betrayed
by what I think is real
and though I try to erase
you always reappear somehow
in fantasies, dreams, memories,
but its all over now, isn't it?
You don't leave me a shred to pick up.
I want to grab you by the arms and scream,
you can't just not be a part of my life,
you can't just vanish, and I want you to be
more than a ghost to me,
but you'll forever
be a part of me.
No euology, how many times do you
have to die to me in this one single life?
Just to breathe I turn my back and in
cold blood you stick in the knife and hide
have you hit the bottom playing possum,
there's no stone, I won't bury you
can't die for me, you're undead, my heart
pumps, rise to see I bleed for you
how many times have you got to leave
the ends frayed and walk away?
I never walk away always like
you say, it's so fucking hollow
how you say I always walk away
when I just refuse to follow
now I'm inching my way into the unknown,
ready to plunge on in, already can't feel anything,
and the water's so cold.
peircing the water's skin now with my toes.
I look down to see a sea if rippling images,
fluid reflections that serve to hypnotize.
Its only the thought of the
plunge here that I drown in.
So far out the swimming, so
deep potential drowning.
Looking down and in,
right away, there I see you.
It's always the same: once in solitude,
once the quickening slows, the static silences,
and my brain is burnt of its array of distractions,
I see clearly, and there you stand again.
My dear, you're looking morbid again.
I see behind my back, your face grows longer
as your eyes look away from me, rolling,
your frustration grows so you're slipping further.
Holding something in one hand, always.
Holding something in another, which way
does it all tip today, or is it finally set in place,
or is there anything left I could say, or is it all
passed, and so its sealed, our fate?
The bridge I can't get passed, can't cross.
Is that a dove spiraling above me now?
Perhaps its a crow.
Must be made of sacred stone to survive
throughout all our continual blasting and
burning, you know?
I turned away to hide my face from you.
Fear you mistook that for cold shoulder and indifference.
I'm not deaf, trust me, I'm just hopelessly mute.
Not blind, just afraid what looking would do.
Sometimes I don't really think
you give a flying shit anymore.
Sometimes I think you care too fucking much
and that's why you shut the door,
as if distance or distraction ever
worked before for either of us,
and I know you see this
as all one-sided,
as given by you and
not returned,
and I know I can't reveal
what I refuse to feel
and I refuse to believe anything
because I'm always betrayed
by what I think is real
and though I try to erase
you always reappear somehow
in fantasies, dreams, memories,
but its all over now, isn't it?
You don't leave me a shred to pick up.
I want to grab you by the arms and scream,
you can't just not be a part of my life,
you can't just vanish, and I want you to be
more than a ghost to me,
but you'll forever
be a part of me.
No euology, how many times do you
have to die to me in this one single life?
Just to breathe I turn my back and in
cold blood you stick in the knife and hide
have you hit the bottom playing possum,
there's no stone, I won't bury you
can't die for me, you're undead, my heart
pumps, rise to see I bleed for you
how many times have you got to leave
the ends frayed and walk away?
I never walk away always like
you say, it's so fucking hollow
how you say I always walk away
when I just refuse to follow
now I'm inching my way into the unknown,
ready to plunge on in, already can't feel anything,
and the water's so cold.
