Mellabopper
Bluelighter
do you ever sit down
with a blank sheet of paper,
pen in hand,
with no real purpose to writing?
do you ever just write
to see what will come out?
maybe to see how you are really feeling
without knowing it at all
but then
as the words flow
your emotions flow
and you find out
what is really going on
in your subconscious mind
and having no previous clue of what you're about to tell yourself
you are scared shitless
and realize
how lifeless everything has become
how mechanical
how tired you have become
how much everything lost its luster
and you did too...
and you realize
that the things that used to mean the world to you
dont matter at all anymore
and that your whole life can change in an instant.
you see that crying is okay
but i only do it alone
when no one else will ever know
because i'm supposed to be 'strong'
sometimes i dont even let myself know
and i realize i really dont like a lot of people
i just cant stand them
but can you blame me?
look around
our country is filled with a bunch of lemmings
and i cant stand to even speak to them
they make me sick
can you blame me?
can you blame me?
its past four
why am i still awake?
i sit at my computer
not really talking to anyone
other than the usual mindless chat
who am i waiting to talk to?
who am i waiting for?
what am i waiting for?
and how do i get it?
- if i even knew, would i have the motivation to work for it?
probably not... at least not right now.
it seems i've lost hope
in everything.
so this is what comes out
of the blank sheet of paper
now filled with words
MY words
my emotions
my soul
and like my dreams
i'm not sure what to make of it
because right now
i'm not so sure of anything
at all.
4-18-01 (4:27 am)
Mellabopper
with a blank sheet of paper,
pen in hand,
with no real purpose to writing?
do you ever just write
to see what will come out?
maybe to see how you are really feeling
without knowing it at all
but then
as the words flow
your emotions flow
and you find out
what is really going on
in your subconscious mind
and having no previous clue of what you're about to tell yourself
you are scared shitless
and realize
how lifeless everything has become
how mechanical
how tired you have become
how much everything lost its luster
and you did too...
and you realize
that the things that used to mean the world to you
dont matter at all anymore
and that your whole life can change in an instant.
you see that crying is okay
but i only do it alone
when no one else will ever know
because i'm supposed to be 'strong'
sometimes i dont even let myself know
and i realize i really dont like a lot of people
i just cant stand them
but can you blame me?
look around
our country is filled with a bunch of lemmings
and i cant stand to even speak to them
they make me sick
can you blame me?
can you blame me?
its past four
why am i still awake?
i sit at my computer
not really talking to anyone
other than the usual mindless chat
who am i waiting to talk to?
who am i waiting for?
what am i waiting for?
and how do i get it?
- if i even knew, would i have the motivation to work for it?
probably not... at least not right now.
it seems i've lost hope
in everything.
so this is what comes out
of the blank sheet of paper
now filled with words
MY words
my emotions
my soul
and like my dreams
i'm not sure what to make of it
because right now
i'm not so sure of anything
at all.
4-18-01 (4:27 am)
Mellabopper
